For The Love Of Wine
by NicolaQ
Summary: This shit is rated T. Dionysus falls in love with a demigod of Zeus named Xeris. Not many people are for this plan because she's a demigod fated to die. Zeus fixes this problem by making her immortal and almost equal to an Olympian. And now the gods are kicking themselves. Even Zeus. Bottom line is that Xeris is like the golden fleece in this fic and there's a serious love octagon.
1. lemme tell ya sumthin

I think I need to clear some things up.

First, I am really, really sorry.

I'm a true Percy Jackson fan. More than half of you reading this are. But there comes a time when you want to make something as funny as hell, leading you to twist the story by at least eighty seven degrees.

You'll see my point soon. I'm not gonna say anything because for one, one of my friends might be here, and they hate spoilers. Secondly, I don't remember.

My second apology is to Percy and, well, everybody else.

Yes, Percy Jackson and pretty much all the other books from Rick Riordan are supposedly fiction. But as I said, supposedly. I do not want to wake up to find any consequences, okay? I'm not ready for that yet. This book is a piece of pure fan fiction. Emphasis on fiction. So, Perseus Jackson Blofis of Poseidon, Annabeth Chase of Athena, Nico Di Angelo of Hades, Will solace of Apollo, and anybody else who's a character in this fic, even the twelve Olympians, if you're real and are offended by anything in here, please don't kill me.

My third apology goes to all you Percaeth fans who think I hate their relationship.

It's a fricking romance fic for crying out loud. And as I said in the summary, Xeris is involved in some serious love octagon. I'm not someone who thinks romance should be porcelain and perfect like a Disney movie. There has to be trouble. And I put at least five hundred gallons of it here.

Apologies sorted. Now for some real clearing up.

There are times I'm going to disappear for a long, long time. Like a few weeks. That's because I am not free.

I know, you're gonna be like; "Dude, none of us are free!"

I'm not telling you my schedule because a few people might recognize it. And I want to remain incognito. But it's busy, and I'm not I'm a country that gives free Wi-Fi, meaning that I have to pay for it. And saving money is hard for me.

This is my very first fanfic, but you are absolutely free to judge. I won't fricking care. This goes ESPECIALLY to the future haters. Do what you want. This is even based on a very crazy idea.


	2. Welcome, Xeris

Xeris woke up one morning to find some dude looking for her to take her to a summer camp. Her mother saw him at the door and told him to go away. Then he saw Xeris.

The guy introduces himself as Hermes, messenger of the gods, god of cunning, travel, roads and thieves. He says his current assignment is to bring Xeris to Camp Half-blood, a camp for demigods.

"She is not a demigod." her mother says. "Both sides of her family are mortal."

"Sonia Alexis Sanchez, you KNOW you're lying." Said the dude."Come, Xeris, your father awaits you." and Xeris finds herself in a limo

"I am Hermes. I'm sure you know who I am." says the dude.

"Yeah. You're, like , the underated secretary of the gods," Xeris says

"I'm like a herald! I also make appointments, fix their schedules, do a lot of their dirty work and don't get paid more than a few gold drachmas- well you're kinda right." says Hermes.

"Anyway, I'm here by orders from your father. He says I should take you to camp Half-blood-"

"A camp for demigods, second home for Perseus Jackson." Xeris looked wistful at the mention of Perseus Jackson. "Anyway, we're taking you there. Your father gave me strict instructions not to tell you his identity." Hermes finishes. "Urgh. Fine. As long as it's not Ares."

Xeris is eloquent that way.

Hermes starts driving.

In that same limo is Hades, god of the underworld, and the biggest psychological case in Greek mythology.

"Hello dear niece." He says in a grave tone.

He wears a grim expression, as if something died. Probably his kindness. He wore a black suit and black pants. He had medium black hair, pale skin and dark brown eyes.

"You're Hades." Xeris says.

"You guessed correctly. Every demigod does. Either they think I'm Hades or a very depressed drug addict." He frowns.

"Well Grinch, sorry to spoil your festive mood. From what I've heard about you, it seems you need a therapist," Xeris says, In a bold and daring manner

Hades laughs. "You know, plenty of people say that. 'You need a therapist', 'why don't you go for therapy', blah blah blah. I think I'm perfectly fine with me. And besides, I'm banned from therapy because they see me as repulsive, and I'm always killing their office plants."

"Ever tried a demigod?" Xeris asks.

"Unfortunately, there's no god of understanding to teach their children HOW to care for others"

Great, Xeris thinks. My first god and I've already blown it. Then she gets an idea.

"Ok frowny Mcfrowner. I can be your therapist." Says Xeris

Hades laughs so loudly, even Hermes looks surprised.

"Can it, Hermes!" Hades says. "And how sure are you that you can tolerate me?"

"I'm tolerating you now," Xeris points out

"Ok. But these sessions might take a while. I'm very negative, and I've got problems." Hades said

"I've been told I'm a wizard. So basically I can do this"

"Fine. How much do you want to be paid? Diamonds? Rubies? Gold?"

"200 dollars a month. I'll be fine."

"You, Are going to make a lot of money." Hades says.

"Don't worry. I'll be done in a month." Xeris says

"So, how often? Three sessions a week?"

"Yep."

"It's been nice doing business with you. And a piece of advice; things are going to be weird." Hades says, and disappears.

Xeris is told to get off the limo.

"Good luck. You'll need it." Says Hermes.

(Picture Xeris; 13 years old, has waist length Elsa style hair, average height for her age, and is super pretty.)


	3. One Shall Stop Perishing By A Thundergod

So she gets there and is greeted by many campers, including Perseus Jackson son of Poseidon., Annabeth Chase, daughter of Athena, and Thalia Grace, Hunter of Artemis and daughter of Zeus.

"So, I guess you might be one of my relatives. Welcome to the family. Has your godly parent claimed you yet." Percy says.

Xeris looked as if she were going to pass out. "Percy?" She says weakly.

"Back off newbie. He's _my_ boyfriend." Annabeth says.

"No, ma'am. I'm just a huge fan-girl! You guys are AWWESOME! I would _never_ want to get into your relationship." Xeris says.

This, my friends, is what I call obvi foreshadowing.

"I even have your relationship name; Percabeth. Do you like it? Do you? DO YOU?"

"Hmm. It has a better ring to it than Percannabetha. So yeah!" Percy says.

"O. . You like it! Thanks!" Xeris exclaimed.

"So, who could be your father? You say you have both you mortal parents. Are you dyslexic? Do you get attacked by monsters?" Thalia asks.

"Hmm. No. I'm really good in school and unless you count my P.E teacher, I haven't seen any monsters." Xeris replies.

"You might be _my_ sister. I'd always wanted a sibling from the godly side of the family." Percy said.

"Or you could be a daughter of Ares. Although they don't exactly scream like little girls." Annabeth teased.

"Or Apollo. Do you have a good singing voice or seem good with healing?" Thalia asks.

A lightning bolt flashes, and the lord of the sky, Zeus comes down to earth. "SHE. IS _MY_ DAUGHTER." Zeus announces.

"Xeris," Zeus continues."Is the most powerful of all my recent children. She can summon rain, and stop it. She can bring thunder from the sky. She is capable of splitting the sky asunder! She can weave things out of clouds. She is even powerful enough to wield the Master bolt, in which no one but I can.

"She is powerful, because she is storm-born. And she will be even more powerful after she meets with him."

"Who?" Everybody asked

"There's this guy called D who has been longing and languishing for Xeris for like, three years now? Maybe longer? Anyway, he longs to see her, he longs to be -how do I'm put it in euphemism- _closer_ to her. I have to follow his wishes, or else Dionysus, his friend, will release madness unto earth."

Ok. Xeris thought. "So, I just have to go on one date with this guy and BAM, save the world from going insane?"

"It's not that simple, my daughter," Zeus said. In my opinion, this guy's throwing _'my daughter_' around the way he would throw lightning bolts. "He wants to be with you _FOREVER_. But he can't do that legally because he's married"

"SAY WHAT NOW?!" Xeris shouted. And, to hell she's right.

"Yes Xeris, he's married. Therefore he's much older than you. But we can fix that. Which reminds me, he also promises to love you forever. I like to take that literally, because he's immortal. So I thought (time out; this guy can THINK? Wait, he can. But rarely. Whenever he thinks, it's usually not good for mortals) 'hey. An immortal couple seems good. Let's make HER immortal.' So I'm going to make you immortal."

"Lord Zeus," says Xeris

"No, dad," says Zeus

"Lord Zeus," tries Xeris again. She will not even try to call the god of one night stands her father.

"Is father more formal for you?" Zeus wants his daughter to respect him as a father, not a servant.

"Is Thunderhead ok with you?" Xeris tries sarcasm.

"Call me Mr. Zeus then." Says Thunderhead

"Ok Mr. Zeus.

"I do not want this arrangement. I don't really want to marry a guy who's favored by the god of madness. Mr. Zeus, would you at least try to think this over?"

" I've thought about more than enough. And besides, I've already mentioned that Dionysus wants this arrangement. So he hastened my decision, and all the other gods are all for it. Except one. You are to see D in the dining pavilion by 4pm sharp. The dining pavilion therefore is off limits to all campers. For now, you must follow me for the immortality process. It's going to be quick. After that, other campers should meet me at the Big House for a very important meeting."

"So, you're my half aunt. And Percy's cousin. Yay!" Annabeth said.

One thing about Zeus, he needs to be smacked. Up. Side. The head.


	4. Oh My D

Xeris met up with Stupid Person 4pm sharp. After , so called"immorality process" she felt energized. And hyper. And angry. It also made her look older, like twenty. She wore anything she saw; black pants and a red shirt.

D looked, well, normal for a friend of Dionysus. AKA he looked weird. He wore a casual suit (I'm sure that exists) and black jeans. How DARE he? Xeris thought. He stole her outfit.

Zeus was right about the guy being older. He looked about thirty-five, more or less, with chubby cheeks and medium blonde hair.

"Hello, darling Xeris. Love of my life." Says D.

"Hello, stupid D. RUINER of my life" Xeris snapped

"Oh, come on." D says. He adjusts her chair and gestures for her to sit."Let's not start off the beginning of our relationship as enemies,"

"Dude. What do you want?"Xeris asks, looking exasperated.

"I just want you, my love." D replies

"I don't even know your proper name, and you expect me to LIKE you?"

"Well then, when will you like me?"

"There are stages in which one must follow in order to know somebody. There's the Acquaintance stage, then the Half-friend stage, then the Friend stage, then the Best-friend stage, then the Mega-best-friend stage, then I might consider liking you"

Then he's like, "anything you want, dearest,"

Yes. Things are going to be really weird.

"So what do we do now? Get to know each other first?" D asks.

"Yes, we do. First things first; what the hell does D stand for?" Xeris tries.

"Anything. I'm kind of embarrassed about my real name Dinocyreus. So I decided to change it to mean anything."

"Then I'm calling you Dioscuri. Seems weird, but I like it."

"That's what makes me love you. You're all about the extraordinary."

"Shut up. You throw compliments like rocks." Xeris observes.


	5. Weird Truth Or Horrible Dare?

"Now your turn. Ask me anything." Xeris says. She was serious.

"You may have observed that this is becoming quite boring. Let's spice it up with a game!" Dioscuri says, hoping she says truth or dare.

"In this case, truth or dare." Xeris says.

Hooray Dioscuri for being right.

"Ok. So let me go first. Truth or dare?" Says Dioscuri

"Dare." Xeris says.

Dioscuri pretends to think for a second. He knew what he wanted. Then he snapped his fingers,"I dare you to kiss me. On the lips."

"Hmm. This one is tricky. Couldn't you come up with something else?" Xeris knows that doing that would be awkward. I mean, ouch.

"You chose dare out of your own free will. You HAVE to do it." He said, with a smug smile on his face.

"No. Pick something completely platonic, like letting me wash your car?" Xeris offers.

"No."

"Fine. But in all seriousness, you're weird."

She leans in and kisses him. If she hadn't closed her eyes she would've been scarred for five minutes.

Dionysus felt a sharp surge of energy, as if the best thing to ever happen had happened to him. Grapevines grew around him, and then she stopped.

Fun fact about Dionysus; being patron of agriculture, blah blah blah, plants grow around him like crazy. It seems he tuned his powers down by a lot, then he lost control during the, well, process.

Xeris sighed. "Happy now- hell to the no No NO. What the heck just happened here?"

Dioscuri looked into her eyes, pretended not to see what she was talking about, and answered her _FIRST_ question, "very,"

Annabeth Chase was just passing by."Annabeth? Would you please get your boyfriend here? I need him to help me with something."

Dioscuri and Xeris sat.

"So, how about you? Anything you want me to say or do?" Dioscuri asked.

"Yes. Explain why you love me." Xeris said.

I know right, so gross!

"I love the way you look, a look of effortless beauty. I love the way you smile, even though that's rarely. I love your laugh, so strange that it brings laughter to other people."

Xeris was really getting annoyed now, although she was blushing.

Dioscuri continued. "Your eyes are a mystery, one I would want to look at all day and do nothing about. (dis dude look layzee) Most important, I love you. You are absolutely beautiful, talented, funny-"

"Shut your face hole. You're annoying me!" Xeris cried.

No, she literally cried. Then she stopped.

"smart, ambitious, mysterious, and other things that would take weeks to mention."

"Hmm. I walked right into that, right?" Xeris asked.

Dioscuri laughed.

"So, about this whole Annabeth calling Percy thing? Why?" Xeris asked

"Let's play a prank on him."

"I'm all ears. But he's my cousin, so go easy on him." Xeris says


	6. Percy Gets Pranked

Percy was at the bank of the river when Annabeth called him.

"Mr. D says he needs your help." Annabeth says

As he walked towards the dining pavilion, Percy starts to remember the summoning from Zeus earlier that day. He and the other campers were called regarding Xeris's suitor. Zeus revealed that D is actually Dionysus. Everybody gasped, even though they already suspected him. Zeus warned all of them not to tell Xeris. He also warned them not to tease his daughter because of the age difference, especially Aphrodite cabin.

Perseus finally got to the pavilion, and saw Xeris and Dioscuri getting all chatty with each other. He called for them to notice him. "Oh. We didn't quite notice!" Xeris said, in a British accent no less. "Your cousin is amazing." Dioscuri says. Percy is kind of shocked.

"What the Hades?-" Percy began.

"Oh, dear Percy. This is TOTALLY normal for people supposedly in love." Xeris says.

"Now we shall dance. So get recording, and d do the honours of commemorating our love" Dioscuri says.

Percy was going to be sick.

Xeris and Dioscuri got into waltz position, and started to dance to 'Magic.' (A few of the lyrics; I said I don't want, I don't want , I don't want, I don't want, I don't want. Anyone but you. Ironic isn't it?)

So Dioscuri said something and they flew six feet into the air. Dioscuri looks into Xeris' eyes, leans forward, and kisses her.

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?!" Xeris asks.

Like XERIusly. Is Dioscuri seRYUS?

She is surprised. And so is Percy. Dioscuri tells her it's just to sell it. He asks her to look at Percy's face. Xeris admits Percy's expression IS priceless. They sink back down to earth slowly. Dioscuri asks Percy for his phone. Percy bids them goodbye. Dioscuri tells Xeris that if he shows this to his wife, the look on her face will be SO funny you won't believe. Xeris is all for this plan.


	7. Ariadne Gets Heranjitus

They still have an hour to kill for their"date" so they decide to take a break. Dionysus calls his wife, Ariadne and the conversation goes as thus:

D: hello Ariadne. How's it going?

A: Where are you? You're supposed to be back soon.

D: I'm with the love of my life. My FUTURE mistress.

A: You couldn't just LIE about that? And dude, that is no way to talk to me!

D: say whatever you want. I love her and she loves me. In fact, I'll call you in a few minutes so you can hear the confession of her undying love over the phone.

A: Who is she? Is she pretty? What color's her hair?

D: She is Xeris, daughter of Zeus. A powerful demigod. She's not just beautiful, she's mesmerising, and she's a platinum blonde

A: ANOTHER one of Zeus' bas-

D: bye!

Xeris went to Aphrodite cabin so she could have someone to talk to about this whole ROMANCE thing without throwing up.

She got there to meet some other Aphrodite camper and Drew Tanka, another daughter of Aphrodite. She asked them if they could dress her up

"Of course we can. But I don't know about Roxy, she's rubbish at fashion."

Xeris quickly accepts Drew's help. "What's the guy's favorite color?" Drew asks. "Purple." Xeris replies.

"So a purple halter top and jeans will be okay, right? "whatever"

So while Drew's looking for clothes, she decides to ask a few questions about her date. "So, is this guy cute?"

"I have no idea. He's like 35, a bit in the chubby side, and has longish hair" Xeris described.

"Oh really? What's his name?"

"D. I call him Dioscuri."

"You mean like Castor and Pollux?"

"Yeah. Something like that."

"So, what stage are you in?"

"we're half-friends."

"just half-friends when you want to dress up for him?"

"I just want to dress up, ok?"

"Ugh. Fine. Here it is! The halter top I was looking for." Drew hands Xeris the halter top "Thanks" Xeris says. "No problem. Just don't return it. Zeus will kill me." Drew said.

Xeris strides into the dining pavilion to see Dioscuri sitting quietly. "Wow! You look even better. Did you do this for me?" Dioscuri asks. "Nope. I just didn't like that last outfit," Replies Xeris.

Dioscuri tells Xeris the deal, and Xeris accepts. He also tells her that she should call him Dionysus over the phone. "Sure." Xeris says. "How about we make it look like we butt dialed her?" Dioscuri says

Dioscuri calls his wife, this is what happens

Ariadne; Hello?

Dioscuri; how much do you love me?

Xeris; more than the world!

Dioscuri; prove it.

Xeris; it's not easy to put into words,

Dioscuri; just reach into your innermost feelings and say them aloud.

Xeris; (takes a deep breath) I love you, Dionysus, in a way no woman has EVER been able to love a man. I love you intensely. We are like Hermaphroditus and Salmacis, two souls in one body, never to be seperated.

Ariadne; Argh! (And she hangs up)

Xeris gags."That took, a hell lot of dignity."

Dioscuri applauds Xeris. "That. Was AWESOME. I mean you were like "we shall never be separated" and she fell into a fury. Once I prove myself to you, you will always say those words, for real." "In your dreams, lova boy." Xeris says, and leaves.


	8. Dionysus Becomes Besharam

Xeris retired to her cabin, and fell asleep as if on a strong sedative.

Dionysus flew back to Olympus, daydreaming of Xeris, even though it was 7pm. He wanted to see her again, physically, not from the clouds. He first, however, has to deal with Ariadne

"How dare you?!" Was his greeting at the door from Ariadne

"Well, what's the problem?" Dionysus asked.

"What's the problem? WHAT IS THE PROBLEM?! YOU DARE CHEAT ON ME AND TELL ME OVER THE PHONE? YOU COULD HAVE JUST KEPT IT A SECRET TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER! BUT NOO! YOU EVEN LET THAT BASTARD TELL YOU THAT SHE LOVES YOU! YOU LEAVE ME FOR THAT BA-"

"If you _DARE_ call my love a bastard again.." Dionysus warned, eyes glowing purple. Ariadne knew better than to continue. Thus shunning the theory that for a person with the word AIR in her name, she's not an AIRhead

"Fine. Let me see this girl so I can kill- I mean see what interested you" said Ariadne.

"You can't kill her." Said Dionysus. "She's immortal now. And I will bring her, but not for you. Look at her from here."

Dionysus gave Ariadne his phone, showing her the video of him and Xeris dancing. She stood awestruck. "Dionysus, you've got to see this."

Dionysus looked, and saw what she was talking about.

Vines grew everywhere. The roof exploded, as if his love for her was far too much to handle. And when he kissed her? (Still trying to get that outta mah head) Wow. Hearts shimmered in sparkles. He looked lost in her eyes. And then the video ended.

"I didn't notice any of that happening" Dionysus said in his defense.

Yep. Up. Side. The head.

"Really? All because you looked into her eyes?" Ariadne snapped.

"Yes. Now if you excuse me, I'm going off to bed to summon Xeris."

Dionysus really thought she would wake up while she was ascending. He already had a plan if that happened. But she didn't, which was good because his plan was to just strike her with madness long enough for him to get Hypnos to make her fall asleep.

He lay her on his bed."So beautiful." He whispered to himself.

He felt compelled to touch her. T But of course, he couldn't do that. At least not now.

Yep. GROSS!

Many of the Olympians thought he was crazy. They thought maybe Aphrodite, or Eros struck him and made him fall in love with this mortal. He insisted he fell in love out of his own free will. He even insisted that Eros and Aphrodite be investigated and made to swear on the river Styx. He was right. Of course. But there's also a chance that he drove himself mad, because he was madly in love with her.

He was so busy thinking that he subconsciously changed her clothes to a dazzling purple robe.

Dionysus realized what he had done. But no matter, he thought. Maybe he should just leave her like this.

Oh come on, his heart argued. Can't you just kiss her while she's unconscious? If you don't do anything serious, then she'll never know!

(Piece of advice people, they're certain situations, AKA most of them, in which you should tell your heart to shut up and your brain to keep talking.)

"Hmm. I suppose it wouldn't hurt her for a little while," Dionysus thought

He laid down and thought, She's so cute when she's unconscious. He lifted her head to his chest and stroked her hair.

Upside the head people. Up. Side. The head.

Xeris, he thought. "Someday, she'll accept me as a major god, and not that puny minor form."

He began to sniff her face. (sniff is a euphemism)"No. This is wrong." (Yeah, and absolutely disgusting) Then he remembers that now she's immortal, and before that, mature of mind.

Good cannon. But that is a problem.

Dionysus decided hugging her would be enough, threw his arms around her, buried his face in her hair, and fell assleep, dreaming of Xeris.

Percy couldn't believe Xeris fell in love with Mr D so quickly.

What happened to "love grows" and whatnot?

Percy chided himself. If he hadn't known better he would've said he was jealous.

"But why?" Percy thought. It took him a whole three years and an underwater kiss for him to realize he loved Annabeth. But Xeris looked so lovingly at Dionysus.

He decided he'd think about it in the morning.

Now, let's go on to the morrow.


	9. So This Actually Happened?

Xeris woke up feeling different.

Even her clothes were different.

Last night she had a dream she was carried out of her bed on a cloud. Once she ascended, she was greeted by Dioscuri. He gave her some wine and a robe. She was horrified by this gesture and insisted she wouldn't wear it. But with a twinkle of an eye, she found herself wearing it. She was laid to bed next to Dioscuri by unseen hands. She tried to struggle but she couldn't really move. He hugged her and they both fell asleep.

Turns out that robe he gave her in her dream was exactly the one she was wearing now.

Wait for it.…..

And she screams.

"WHAT THE FUCKING HELL?" Xeris cried.

This is not funny, she thought. She didn't know who to blame.

There was a knock on the door.

"Hello? Why were you screaming such obscenities?" Said some guy.

"Go away!" Xeris shouted. She couldn't be seen like this.

"It's me, Chiron." Chiron dude said

"What is it?" By now Xeris had wrapped herself in a blanket.

"Your shouting drew my attention. It's six in the morning. You've woken all the campers up."

Xeris checked to make sure the blanket worked as a toga. Then she opened the door.

"Could you please explain why you shouted so loudly?" Chiron said

The guy really was a centaur. He was also ridiculously tall.

So for fear of getting stomped, she told the truth."I woke up wearing different clothes."

"Really? Are you sure you didn't change them yourself and forgot about it?" Horse asked

"I don't own what I'm wearing," says Xeris

"What are you wearing?"

"Sorry, horse man, I can't tell you."

"Could you show me then?"

"Ugh. I guess so. But if you make ANY comments, I will strike you with lightning bolts!"

Xeris weaved a thick blindfold from clouds, gave it to Chiron, and took off the blanket

"You can look now, but remember…"

Chiron looked. And saw what she meant. Somehow, he knew that Dionysus did this.

"I see your point. Did you, perchance, dream you were ascending the sky?" Was his first question

"Yes." Xeris answered

"Who did you see first?"

"Dioscuri,"

"Styx. You have got to be kidding me,"

"What's the problem? Is it a bad thing?" Xeris was waiting for it to come from the horse's mouth. Something like "you've got cancer and have nine seconds to live"

Chiron tried to relax. "As you remember, this Dioscuri person is favored by Dionysus?"

"Yes?"

"The only reasonable explanation to why this happened is that a god was able to bring you to Olympus and take you to Dioscuri. That person may have changed your clothes, gave you to him, and brought you back without changing them. Did Dioscuri do anything to you in the dream?"

Xeris related what happened; how she was laid next to Dioscuri, how he hugged her and stroked her hair, how he kissed (there. I said it) her face, and they went to sleep.

_GROSS!_, Chiron thought."Ok. This makes sense. I'll be back soon. I need to talk to this Dioscuri. In the meantime, get some clothes from Aphrodite cabin."


	10. Rainbow Conversation

Dionysus was woken up by an iris message.

"Hey. Chiron, what's up?"

"Dionysus/Dioscuri, you know what is up,"

Chiron explained the conversation between him and Xeris. "She was very angry. If I hadn't told her I would talk to you, she would've tried to kill me," Chiron explained.

"My apologies, dear friend. How is she? Did she like the robe?" Dionysus asked.

"I told you, she was angry. Meaning she didn't like the robe. And how could you stoop so low as to almost force a girl onto yourself? She might be fuming mad by now. I didn't tell her who I suspected, or she would pour her rage on you." Chiron said.

"Ok, I guess I'll have to apologise to her. I'll be there in five minutes."

"You? Apologizing to anybody? Xeris really has changed you," Chiron observed


	11. Percy Is Concerned

Percy woke up quicker than expected.

Heck, with Xeris screaming next door? Everybody would wake up.

He decided to visit her.

"Hey- woah, woah, woah!" He saw her wearing the sheerest, shortest lingerie he'd ever seen. He shielded his eyes. "um, sorry if I'm bothering you, but could you please cover….all that up?"

Xeris looked for a shirt and pants she could wear. No luck. She prayed silently; Father, if you could please send me some clothes, that would go a long way, thanks.

Clouds formed, and Thalia's (princess of Xeris) power outfit came came into existence. She quickly wore it over that humiliation.

"Ok. I'm done," said Xeris

"You look hot.

"I woke up to your screaming and thought something has to be wrong. I bet it has something to do with, um, that thing you were wearing." Percy said.

"Give this guy a cookie," Xeris joked.

"I'm sorry if I ruined everybody's peace. But how would you feel if you were wearing your clothes one night, and something else the next morning?" Xeris said

"Shocked. I'm sorry if I made you feel-"

"Xeris! Darling, where are you?" A voice called.

"Sorry, I've got to go." said Xeris,"I have a jerk to deal with."


	12. Dioscuri Gets Keraunoh-ed A New One

Xeris was really contemplating ripping Dioscuri ac new one when he fell on his knees.

"Please forgive me, Xeris. It's my fault. I thought I could ask Dionysus to whisk you away to me." Dioscuri pleaded.

Calm down Xeris, Xeris thought. Slapping a guy who's more than twice your age seems rude.

"I was just overwhelmed with desire. I just want your forgiveness-"

"Dude, I forgive you." Xeris said.

"Really? Thank you. I know you have a-"

"NO. MORE. CHEESY. COMPLIMENTS! Do you have anything to tell me?" Xeris warned

"Yes. Today you have to fake your death." Dioscuri finished

"_SAY WHAT NOW_? Why should I?" Xeris asked.

"Your parents are looking for you. And if you have to be with me forever, you need to be wiped off the map." Said Dioscuri

Xeris would have objected, but she remembered she had an appointment with Hades.

"Ok.. I'll do it

"Now if you excuse me, I'll go-"

Dioscuri cut her short by pinning her against the nearest wall.

"I'm sorry, in advance." Friend of son of Thunderhead says.

Is this a side effect of being a friend of Dionysus? Xeris thought.

He tried to kiss her. She tried to run away.

"Why are you being so difficult? You know I love you!"

Dioscuri told Xeris.

"Keraunoh!" Xeris screamed.

(Being a demigod, a few Greek words came to her head. A lot of colourful comments came too. But she decided to use her "stormborn" status to her advantage. Keraunoh literally means"strike with lightning bolts" or just lightning for modern Greek)

If you read that, you can guess what happened.

If you didn't, I'll just say it;

Dioscuri was shocked with high voltage, heavy duty, Zeus's master bolt worthy lightning.

I know what you're thinking; "And Dioscuri goes down_, Ark of the Covenant _style".

For those who were paying attention, Dioscuri is immortal. I'm sure he was made immortal because of stuff like this.

So he simply fell to the ground, just dazed.

He almost got up.

Almost

An arrow shoots out of nowhere and Dioscuri gets trapped in a golden net.

A strange female voice says, "LEAVE THE MAIDEN ALONE!"

A girl surfaces. Looking fourteen years old, head of the Hunters, twin sister of Apollo, goddess of the moon, protector of maidens IS.…

"ARTEMIS! HOW DARE YOU?"

Yeah, that phrase is being used A LOT in this book.


	13. Khaleesi Helps by Bringing Chains

D, respect yourself!" Says Artemis.

Dioscuri wriggled and thrashed in the net. He couldn't get out. If he tried he got a painful ZAP.

"Why are you disrespecting the honour of this girl? I've never cursed in my four thousand six hundred and nineteen years. But you, are a real dipshit." Said the goddess.

"I have a right to be close to her!" said Dioscuri

"And besides, she's mesmerisingly beautiful. My heart couldn't resist-"

"Páfsi omiliás!" said Xeris.

That's Greek for"cease speech"

Then Dioscuri's voice was muffled. As if a gag was placed over his mouth.

"I like you," Said Artemis."You seem really powerful."

"Thank you, my lady. Thanks for trapping him, but can you please let him go? I think his punishment should be over." Said Xeris."I'm not complimenting you or anything, but you're like Daenerys."

"Where did you think THAT came from?" Artemis joked.

Artemis unbound Dioscuri, but it was up to Xeris to let him speak again.

"Can't we just leave him like this? Things seem better when he can't talk." The goddess protested half-heartedly. Dioscuri hummed in protest.

"Tempting. But he's really funny, so I'll give him that." Xeris says.

"Ok. But if you need help binding this fool again, just call Khaleesi, the breaker of chains." Artemis offers

"It does have a nice ring to it," observes Xeris

"Goodbye,"

"See ya,"

Then Xeris faces Dioscuri."As I remove this spell, you will no longer be my half friend. You will start the process, ALL. OVER. AGAIN. Eleflhérosi!"

As soon as she untied his tongue, he burst into apologies.

"Please, my dearest. It was just my overwhelming desire to be with you. I promise it won't happen soon."

"I understand what you mean by "soon". And eww. But you have committed two offences; you tried to ravage me, and you made me miss my shower time. Now I have to summon a hot rain-cloud if I want a hot shower. And that takes work because those rarely exist. AFTER that you'll have to come with me so we can fake my death."


	14. Chapter 14

Percy Jackson decided to ask Xeris what was going on.

"You two were arguing about something." says Percy

"So?" Xeris replies.

"It's surprising. You and Diony- I mean Dioscuri were looking into each other's eyes out of passion yesterday, and now you're fighting about something?"

"God. You mean I _FORGOT_ to tell you?" Then Xeris bursts out laughing.

"Forgot to tell me what?" Percy inquired. He didn't like being laughed at.

"It was a prank! We thought that you'd be shocked if you saw us getting along so well after, like, an hour."

"BUT YOU KISSED! And the roof exploded. And there were shimmering hearts,"

"I didn't see any of that," said Xeris.

"So, what were you fighting about?" Percy asked

Xeris takes a deep breath."Dioscuri tried to force himself on me."

A moment of silence passes.

"That's…. bad. I guess you were horrified?" Percy asked with concern

"Actually, I got a real laugh out of the whole thing. I leaned a few new tricks. Like how to make somebody shut up." Xeris chuckled.

"Really. Can you please try it out now?"

"Ok. Tell me that I'm beautiful."

Percy was a bit rattled by this form of bribery. She didn't really strike him as the vain type But in truth, she really did look beautiful.

"You look beau-"

"Páfsi omiliás."

Percy couldn't speak. Like at all. He didn't even have the gag effect.

"Eleflhérosi!" Xeris ordered.

"Yep. Zeus was right. You really ARE powerful," Percy said.

"And I also know this other spell. I'm sure you'd recognize it; Keraunoh!"

Percy DID recognize it. It was a spell Annabeth used.

Annabeth, he thought. Who's more beautiful?

Fortunately, that spell was aimed at Dioscuri, or else Xeris would have to see Hades for a different reason.

"Ow," Dioscuri said.

"Strike with lightning bolts? Awesome." Percy cried.

He also pointed out she wasn't speaking ancient Greek.

"Maybe because I'm a modern demigod?" Xeris thought

"Makes sense," Percy said.

"Ok guys. Argus stopped driving, meaning were at Xeris's house. Remember the plan." Dioscuri says.


	15. Zeus pulled an Alcmeme

Xeris remembered the plan alright.

So while going towards her house, she called Hades.

"Hello, dear niece," Said Hades

"Hello, Mcfrowner," Said Xeris

"What do you want?"

"Right now, I'm about to die."

"Hmmm. That means you can be my therapist forever"

"Haha. I'm not REALLY dying. My deadbeat father decided to make me immortal so I could have an affair with some guy."

Hades knew about this. In fact, all the gods knew. And even if he didn't know he got an invite from Dionysus to attend a surprise party "in honor of his mistress, Xeris Sanchez , daughter of Zeus, Love of my immortal life".

He didn't really know what Dionysus saw in her.

"Anyway, I need your help." Xeris says.

"What can I help you with? I'm not capable. I'm just Mcfrowner." Hades says.

"I'm sorry, Lord Hades. I should have respected you more. I beg your forgiveness. Please, help me fake my death, and I shall be in your debt." Xeris says with mock respect.

"That's better. What do you want me to do?"

"I need you to sink me down to the underworld so it'll look as if I've gone far, you'll wait for my signal."

"What's the signal?"

"Two stomps and a huge boom of thunder,"

"Okay. What are we working on today?

"we're going shopping,"

Before Hades had time to be surprised, Xeris hung up.

"Mother, I'm home." Xeris announces

"Xeris, princess of Sanchez! My darling girl!" Says Mother.

"Where have you been? I've been worried sick! How are you? Did that man do anything to you? Tell me everything!" Mother asks.

Yep. Moms. Always worried about their children. But of course, Xeris couldn't tell her mother everything.

"Mother, I've found my real father," Xeris says.

"Xeris Mnemosyne Sanchez, your real father is right here. He hasn't been missing for you to start looking for him. He's also been worried about you." Mother says.

I'm sure her full name is enough to make a dyslexic person cringe.

Xeris ignores her."I'm also getting married,"

"NO! You're far too young for marriage! You haven't even been properly educated! How could you get married so suddenly?" complains Mother.

"He sent you this as dowry- Férto chryso!" (Bring gold)

Instantly, the ground shook and brought forth shiny expensive things. Gold bars, diamond jewelry, silver medals, even a ruby phone case.

"No! I will not accept this. This idiot wants to steal my princess from me? No. And how did you do that?" Her mother whined.

"From my father, mother." Xeris says.

Sonia was on the verge of crying"Xeris, your father is here! He loves you! Why would you abandon him for someone else who never even wanted you to be born?!"

"So you admit Ràmique isn't my father?" Xeris asks.

"Yes. Ràmique isn't your real father.

"Your real father is a very important person. I didn't know him at all. He thought it would be funny if he stayed in my hotel room pretending to be Ràmique. It was dark and I couldn't see anything. He even convinced me with Ràmique's voice. So I believed him. I felt very attracted to him. One thing led another, and I found out I was pregnant." Mother starts to cry.

"He didn't even know you existed! When I called him, he told me he couldn't be involved. He said I should never call him again. He said because of me, I've put him in trouble with his wife. He said he never wanted to be a part of your life! Ràmique took you as his own, Xeris. He didn't care if you were an illegitimate child. He even blamed the guy for being such a dipshit," Mother pauses.

"Ràmique loves you, Xeris. He loves you like his own daughter. He says he'd even die for you. Why would you leave me and him for that Thunderhead?"

"I didn't leave you mother. I was forced. Now Mr. Dipshit Thundrrbutt wants me married, to this.. This guy,"

Xeris cries. A lot. For some reason, as if the sky was sympathizing with her, it starts to rain heavily.

"I'll kill him the next time I see him. For you, mother," Xeris promises.

Xeris starts to leave.

"No, Xeris. YOU can't kill him, literally. I tried." Mother chides.

"Then I'll just make his life a living Tartarus!" Xeris says.

"I must go, mother. I'll see you again. I promise,"

Xeris walks out the door, her mother standing beside her.

Just as Xeris gets to the road, she gets hit by a truck.


	16. Thunderhead Gets Flyted Ouch

Of course she doesn't get hurt.

Xeris stops the rain and summons a cloud.

"Zeus! You fucking pervert! HOW DARE YOU TAKE ADVANTAGE OF MY MOTHER LIKE THAT, AND REFUSE TO SUPPORT HER?! AND YOU THOUGHT GIVING ME POWERS WOULD HELP OUT SO CALLED RELATIONSHIP? YOU EVEN WANT ME TO GET MARRIED TO AN OLDER GUY, JUST TO PLEASE YOUR PRECIOUS WINE CHILD!"

Believe me, if I wrote all the insults she screamed at Zeus, even a grown up would wash their ears with soap. Twice.

"Calm down, daughter," Some dude says.

Just out of thin air, our number one deadbeat dad of Olympus shows up.

Xeris tries to slap him, he disappears.

A for effort kid.

But what happens next?

Zeus materializes and Xeris gives him a tight, excruciatingly painful, Bollywood worthy death slap that would've killed a mortal.

A round of applause for Xeris, everybody!

I even gave her a standing ovation.

"Keraunoh!" Xeris screamed.

Zeus didn't say anything. He simply redirected the lightning to a nearby power pole.

"I did say calm down," Thunderhead says.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT? YOU-"

I'd rather not repeat that. But think of the worst insult you can give someone. Xeris made it nine hundred times worse.

"Wow. Even the muses couldn't come up with a word that bad.

"I came here to apologise," Zeus stopped, as if waiting for her to say "please don't. You're my father."

Weird. That's exactly what he was waiting for.

"You think you can apologize to me and it'll be okay to be okay? You're such an meinfrertr. You stupid god of one night stands! You bastard monger!"

Seriously. Xeris needs to go for anger management

While she's in the middle of her Loki worthy flyting, some guy kisses her.

Yep I know what you're thinking,

"3,

2,

1,

Cue Indian slap"

Unfortunately, she does nothing.

Xeris just stood there. Yes, she was angry. But she was also shocked.

Then she looked at the guy and was like,"Ewww!"

This guy looked.…. Well I can't say how he looked. That's completely indescribable. But imagine a handsome man, not guy, a man of about thirty-five. Now give him bloodshot purple eyes, a confusing expression, wavy blonde hair, and a purple aura.

You're only thisssssss close to seeing how he looked like.

"This is Dionysus, or my "precious wine child" as you called him.

Xeris boiled with rage.

And,

Yep, cue Indian slap. For real this time.

"What the eff was that for? You say you want your friend to be happy and you go ahead and make out with his half girlfriend?"

"In my defense, it was the only way to shut you up," Wine Dude says.

He didn't even look the least bit offended. Rather he looked happy.

Xeris frowned. "Really? Well if you excuse me-"

Stomp, stomp, blast.

And she sinks.


	17. let's stand and talk it out

Before we go over what happened to Xeris, let's see what was going on between Thunderhead and Wine Dude.

Dionysus sighed, "She looks even more beautiful when she's angry,"

"So you want her throwing insults at me more often then?" Zeus said.

"Well, you somehow deserved it. You pulled a serious Alcmene on her mother." Dionysus argued

Yep. Thunderhead's exploits are so popular on Olympus they're used to compare others exploits. Like,"omg y'all! You should've seen Hephaestus, trying to pull a Kallisto on that mortal girl."

"So, when are you going to tell her?" Zeus asked.

"Tell her what? Oh, that she's beautiful? I couldn't tell her that in this form. Or maybe she has beautiful eyes?" Dionysus said.

"No. About your Olympian god status,"

Dionysus didn't really think about that. He was too busy admiring Xeris and trying to prove himself to notice he'd have to tell her someday

"Soon. A few days after the ceremony, maybe more?"

"Don't be such a whimp," Zeus chided.

"Fine. AFTER the ceremony. Happy now?"

"During the party. That would be a good time."

"But-"

"No buts. You WILL tell her at the party. She may try to kill you, but she can't. Reasons like that are why we're immortal."

"Fime. See you later, Thunderhead." Said Dionysus

"At the party, wine child." Zeus snapped back.


	18. Hades needs a hug or something else

Now, during this conversation, Xeris went down in Hades.

Xeris almost texted Hades to let him know she was there, when she saw Charon.

This guy really looks British, thought Xeris.

"I heard that!" Said Charon

"sorry. I've come to see Hades." Xeris said.

Just then she got a text from Hades, 'tell him it's the messiah'

"I'm the messiah." Xeris announces.

"Get on in!" Charon says.

Xeris decided to humour this guy a little. She fell on one knee, head bowed and went like,"Greetings, Lord Hades, bringer of terror. Stuff of nightmares. Lord of the underworld. Husband of Persephone."

Hades was kinda enjoying this, even though it was fake. Ish.

"Rise, dear niece." Hades commanded.

First step of therapy; tell me ALL your problems."

"Well, it's not that long a list. It's just-"

He talked for about two hours just because of how he got the worst part of the whole sharing the world thing.. Then he started crying.

"All I wanted was a fair share! Now I'm at the most depressing, most hated part of the world!"

Then he launched into a fit about romance. That took an hour. Then his crying got worse.

"And Persephone! Just when I thought she loved me after the whole kidnapping thing happened-"

One hour.

"If I could just get ONE kiss from her-"

Then Xeris pulls a Dionysus on Hades, and kisses his mouth shut.

"There. Happy now?"

"Woah. Yes. No. But- cheat- what- Persephone?"

Hades forgot how to form complete sentences.

"Yep. We really need to work on your confidence. But first, really your appearance needs some work." Xeris said.

"What,- with,- wrong,- me?" Hades was embarrassed, but he regained his composure, "I mean, what's wrong with me? I think I look okay."

"Oh ma dang. You OBVIOUSLY need serious help," Xeris exclaimed. "Ferto chryso,"

Being in the underworld, gold comes to her like metals to a magnet.

She then summons a cloud and makes and arc, like a rainbow.

"Iris, goddess of the rainbow, please, take this." Xeris prayed.I

"Show me Drew Tanka," Xeris asks.

An image of drew surfaces on the arc.

"My lady-" Drew starts.

"Please. No formal crap." Xeris requests.

"Hey girl. What'da ya need?"

"Hades needs help with his wardrobe. I mean, just look at the guy!" Xeris said.

"Eww. Black? No way. Yep, he needs some serious help. Like , five of our best campers, mother, and Silena….."

"Hades, is Silena Beauregard still here?"

"Yes," Hades replies.

"We'll need to borrow her." Drew says. "She was one of our best costume artists."

A moment of silence for the deceased.

Silena died impersonating Clarisse La Rue during the second titan war. At first she was a spy for Kronos and his army. Then her boyfriend died, and she decided to stop rooting for the enemy. Which reminds me, Silena, you do not prove you're a child of Ares by just continuously screaming Ares.

"Ok. But she has to come back," Hades agrees.

"She wouldn't want trick leave her boyfriend, will she?" Xeris says.

"So it's settled! We're giving you a wardrobe makeover! Remember to call mother, she'd love to be in on this. Bye!" Drew says, and then she slashes her hand through the mist.

"Gimme fifty gold drachmas," Xeris demanded.

"I thought Iris usually took ONE gold drachma," Hades argued.

"I like to make lavish offerings for better service. Especially since Iris messaging has gone whack. Now gimme em," Xeris said.

Xeris called Aphrodite.

"Lady of the doves, we need your help." Xeris said.

"Urgh. What for? I just wanted to take a nap." Love witch says.

"We need to give Hades a wardrobe makeover," Xeris says.

"I'm so in!" Aphrodite exclaims.


	19. Kinda boring but important

Boring But Important Chapter.

Percy was in thought

It seems Xeris knew a lot about him

Then Mr. D showed up.

"So, Perseus, I see you've taken interest in my mistress,"

Dionysus asked.

"Yes- I mean no, I haven't. She's my cousin." Percy said

"You just said yes for a second there." Dionysus argued.

"Even if I did, it'd just be a crush."

"Yes, that is EXACTLY what I'll do to you if I find out you're even PLANNING on going out with Xeris; I. Will. Crush. You."

"Don't you have a crush on Xeris?" Percy says.

"It's more than a crush. But you won't understand. Xeris understands things YOU don't at this age." Dionysus replies.

Hey, I remember that first line from a song;

It's more than a crush,

More than a like-like,

More than a love.

Baby I'm gonna make you mine.

And I ain't givin' up.

Aka, it's a romance basket case

"Well then. What DO you feel for her?" Percy asked

"I want to make her mine." Dionysus answers.

"She's not some kind of object that belongs to anyone. If she were with me, I'd-"

Dionysus started to glow. Like literally glow, with anger.

"YOU DARE FANTASIZE ABOUT MY MISTRESS?!" Dionysus raged.

I know what you're thinking (not really) "Percy's sō dead."

And you're right, to some extent.

Percy had to find a way to get out of this situation alive, or himself. (One of the popular stories about Dionysus is that he turned a bunch of kidnapping pirates into dolphins. Dionysus is also the god of madness.)

"I was just messing with you. Sorry, Lord Dionysus." Percy said, sweating.

"And what do you want with me...sir?"

Smooth, Perseus, smooth.

"You have a girlfriend. You seem to be happy with her. What is it that you talk about?" Dionysus asked

Percy looked like HE got hit by a truck. Dionysus? Asking for advice on a girl? This is new.

"You know-" Percy began.

"I don't know. That's why I had to condescend to talking to you." Dionysus frowned.

"We talk about movies, songs, family, staying alive for a whole day, and other stuff. But I think she'd be bored by most of that, so I suggest you talk about family, yours mostly, movies, Disney channel, and comedy. You could ask her how her day was, she'd talk about it a lot." Percy offered.

"The result of her day is trending Facebook. She's trying different outfits on Hades," Dionysus said.

You know what?

This is becoming quite boring.

"Let me see!" Percy said.

Dionysus gave Percy his phone. "Oh. My gods. Mr.D, look."

Percy saw a picture of Hades and Xeris kissing.

Yep. Gross. I remember I couldn't get the picture out of my head.

Anyway, in the picture, Xeris and Hades were….doing that. Hades did look quite handsome in his dark green plaid shirt. But what sucked the most is the caption "I would TOTALLY go out with this guy if he looked like this. How 'bout you?"

Percy saw the look of shock and horror on Mr. D's face.

This cannot be good.

"I'll be back in twenty minutes. I have an underworld god to deal with. When I get back, you will be expected to tell me wether or not I should kill Aphrodite." Dionysus said, and vanishes leaving the smell of sour grapes.

You got, like, a thousand likes on that." Aphrodite said.

"Please explain why this won't go badly," Xeris sighed.

"Of course it will. It'll make Diony- I mean Dioscuri jealous! I think he'll be here in five-"

"HADES! HOW DARE YOU KISS MY MISTRESS? DON'T YOU KNOW SHE'S MINE AND NOT YOURS? I WILL KILL YOU!" Dioscuri barked

"Gotta bounce. We've got, like, ninety outfits already right? Hades, you can keep the rest of yours-" Aphrodite paused.

"Aphrodite! Stay RIGHT there. I'm sure this was your idea-" Dioscuri asked.

"No. It was my idea." Xeris announces.

"No. You? I'm sure you wouldn't want to kiss this guy out of your own free will." Dioscuri says.

"Hmm. You're kinda right."

By this time, Aphrodite disappeared.

"I'm just going to go now. Bye!" Hades says.

Bor-ring!

Let's fast forward to going home.

"So, Xeris. How was your day?" Dioscuri asked.

"Am I not supposed to ask you that question?" Xeris says.

"I insist you tell me."

"No, YOU tell me. My day's been trending on social media."

"No, YOU tell me. My day's been quite boring."

"No, YOU tell me."

"No, YOU tell me"

"Oh come on!" A voice says from the back seat.

"Dionysus?" Xeris and Dioscuri say.

(Fun fact about gods; they can split themselves up. Therefore they can create different versions of themselves. Like Greek and Roman. There are certain times when they start to get schizophrenic about the whole thing. So Dioscuri is still Dionysus but other Dionysus just looks like Dionysus but isn't Main Dionysus.)

"You bitch!" Xeris said

"Why did you come here?" Dioscuri asked.

"To check you guys out. I mean, if she's continuously arguing with you you can just -" Dionysus said. Then Xeris cuts him short by playing his own trick.

"Now shut up!" Xeris says. She's obviously not proud of what she did.

"You see. THAT'S what you could do. See you at the party!" Dionysus says and, like gods do, disappear.

Meaning possibly other Dionysus merged with Dioscuri Dionysus. This is very dangerous as if gods join all their personalities, they get their true form. And THAT can blow up everything within a hundred and fifty mile radius. True forms are what killed Dionysus's mother. Weird he would have one but being an Olympian you'll need that as a finishing move when fighting monsters like Typhon.

"What party?" Xeris inquired.

"Surprise? I thought throwing you a party might make you forgive me," Dioscuri said.

"Make me forgive you? That is sō not hap-"

"I got Kenny Blaq."

"I forgive you from now and three moments after." Xeris says.


	20. Yo, we know how to party!

We Know How Ta Party

Dionysus actually got Kenny Blaq, and every other comedian that Xeris ever laughed at.

"Ladies and gentlemen you are free to spray" Kenny said. The guy was just cracking a joke about the Nigerian musician Simi going out on a date with his uncle.

Dollar bills came flying onto the stage.

"Thank you very much. Now I get what that musician was singing "dolla signs, dolla signs, all I see are dolla signs." Hmm. By the time I do conversion…. "

Laughing form everyone. Even Zeus and Xeris.

Xeris was wearing black pants and a black long sleeved shirt. "Oh my God. I forgot about Artemis!" Xeris cried.

"Diakóptis abysidon, as pároume méros!" Xeris says.

(That means breaker of chains, let's party)

Artemis swoops in wearing her usual hunter clothes. "I heard that a party's going on. Thanks, I needed a break."

Then Accapella comes to stage.

"Some people can be very annoying. One girl posted on Facebook, "when I was twelve, my brother was half my age. Now I am forty five, how old is my brother?" Then somebody commented, "that's your family problem. ""

Artemis laughed.

Then Kenny comes back for an éncore.

"Before the election, Buhari called me to ask for advice on his presidential campaign. I said, "you could sing. Something like jazz. That would be ok." Two days later I went to campaign and saw this;

Ladies and gentemen, I am here to pruve that izz not only Dino Melaye that can sing. I have sweet sweet names

(In the background; it's your boy Harry,)

But laydees, call me Bubu.

(You can call me boo boo)

(My name's, Booharry)

(You can call me boo boo)

Ajé ku iyanani yo je,

Ajé ku iyani yo je,

Ki lô lô mo tô sun,

Ki lôh lô mo tô sun,

Fàshôla,

Layges.

Ambodey,

Layges.

Transmation formation portation information,

(It's your boy, Harry.)

(You can call me boo boo.)

(You can call me, Boo-Harry )

(But ladies call me boo boo)

Thank you very much this is Kenny Blaq!"

back to Xeris and Dioscuri.

"You like it?" Dioscuri asked.

"Like it? I like-like it! It's awesome and funny and Artemis is here!" Xeris replies.

"I've got a special place for us, by the way," Dioscuri said

"….that's how the MC was announcing my name and was like "Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for, Saliva-dor!"" Salvador said.

"But we just got the the as-awesome-as-kenny-blaq comedians!" Xeris complained.

"Then it's good you're forgiving me three moments after the incident," Dioscuri says, lifts Xeris, and carries her to the private room.


	21. Dionysus flunks A Capella

Dioscuri Becomes A One Hit Terror

That private room was awesome.

It had a bouncy castle, a huge 90" TV, a water slide, and too perfect Wi-Fi service.

"The password is Thalia," Dioscuri said.

"Thanks.

"Now, what's so private that you had to take me here? This better be good," Xeris says.

Dionysus took Xeris to go private room to

1\. Get to talk to her.

2\. Tell her the truth about his major god status.(not)

3\. See if he can 'get' with her without Artemis interrupting.

4\. Discuss their relationship.

Not necessarily in that order. I'm sure he wanted to do #3 first.

"I brought us here for us to talk. Privately. Without anyone seeing or hearing us." Dioscuri says.

Xeris concluded, It's a trap. It's a fricking trap!

"Artemis!" Xeris screamed.

"As I said, no one, not even the Hunter goddess can hear us." Dioscuri says.

"Keraunoh!" Xeris tries.

Nothing.

"The place is also lightning proof. Just in case of that, or Zeus coming to look for his daughter." Dioscuri smirked.

Yep.

He really DID want to do number three first.

Dioscuri started to lean in.

Xeris got up and ran faster than you can say Semele.

Of course Dioscuri ran after her!

She ran for the door, found it shut, then ran for the bouncy castle.

So if this place is lightning proof, Xeris thought, it might not be cloud proof.

Then she got an idea.

"Déno!" Xeris exclaimed.

Déno = bind. So Dioscuri was then bound by heavy duty thunderclouds, arms legs and all.

"Come on. Clouds? Nothing will keep us apart!" Dioscuri said. He broke his bonds.

Then the guy started singing as if he took four gallons of Kavasir's mead. (This is to the tune of Dancing in the dark, and not the Rihanna version.)

"I just want you, to, know.

I will not let, you, go.

Because I love you

Baby.

You knew that from, the, star-"

"Pàsfi omiliàs." Xeris said.

Nothing.

"You're the one that owns, my, heart.

Don't you love me-e-e?"

Xeris drowned herself in the swimming pool.

Of course, being immortal, she could somehow breathe underwater. In a way it helped her drown out the sound of Dioscuri's love poetry. But just when she started to get used to the quiet.…

THE GUY STARTED SINGING FRICKING JOHN LEGEND!

Xeris then got another idea.

Lord Poseidon, please help me. This dude is singing love songs like a maniac. Xeris prayed silently.


	22. Father of Percy Jackson, why the hell?

In Case You Thought Poseidon Gouldn't Get Any Grosser

Dionysus hadn't felt physical pain in a long time. So getting hit by a trident really surprised him.

"Dionysus? REALLY? You stooped so low to try and harass a girl with John Legend?" Poseidon asks.

"She looked too beautiful at the time. I was having a raging battle. I want her to love me." Dionysus said.

Yep. Up. Side. The head. GROSS.

"What's so special about this girl that you-"

Then Xeris came out of the water. Her and her clothes were soaked. She sat at the base and started to wring her hair.

"Woah. Where was she 800 B.C?" Poseidon looked mystified. He was dazzled by the girl's beauty. Her soaked braided hair, her angry expression, the thoughts that ran through her mind.

Yes people. Gods can read minds. It helps when your worshipper doesn't want to tell you directly what they want.

"Are you Xeris?" Poseidon asks.

"No. I'm Hera. Of course I'm Xeris! And Dioscuri? Once I lay my hands on you-" Xeris is stopped by Poseidon.

"Ahem. I think we should talk about how you're supposed to pay me for this," Poseidon says.

"So? You're my niece. I heard you gave Zeus a horrible flyting. You even called him a bastard-monger. Ouch." Poseidon says.

Please note, bastard-monger isn't the name Xeris called him that was so bad. Not. Even. Close.

"I basically told him my opinion. You make a poor mortal woman fall in love with you and once ya got what ya wanted, he's like, 'bye bitch,' and leaves her to take care of a child on her own.

"So about this payment thing? What do you want? Gold? Your chariot washed? Anything?" Xeris asked.

I am sō NOT repeating what he asked. Not even euphemism can cover up how disgusting his request was.

"WHAT THE SHIT? You want me to… ew. Nope." Xeris said.

"You did say anything. And besides, just this one night. Nothing all that serious." Aquaman said.

YOU weren't the one who did a lot of Google searches to see how you could willingly get short term amnesia. I tried Lethe, but my problem is I have to remember everything

"Couldn't I just kiss you and go away?" Xeris hated saying that. Some comprises are really hard to say

"Is half an hour ok for you? I'll give you all the things you want after that. I'd even divorce Amphertrite for you." Absolutely dirty minded father of Percy Jackson says.

"Kissing you is the best I can offer. And if Zeus found out, he would kill you." Xeris said.

"It doesn't matter! He's always trying to make me suffer. At least I'll suffer because of you." Lord Jerk says.

"No. Sorry, but take it or leave it." Xeris said finally.

"Ok then. I'll take what I can get." Fish guru says.

Then they did. Poseidon loved the feel of her lips on his mouth, her arms around his neck.

I think I should just spare you the details of those twenty seconds. It would not be good for your sanity.

"There. I think I'll need to go back for a while." Xeris says.

"But why? We were just hitting it off. And there's that guy..." Poseidon says.

"I just have a feeling I should go back. You are letting me out the minute I knock on the door." Xeris demanded.

"Ok. But that'll cost you. You will have to come with me to the party and do whatever I want you to." Poseidon said.

"Fine." Xeris said. She thought she could just get out and leave him.

"Swear on the river Styx. I don't want you getting away from me because you THINK you can." Poseidon snapped.

"Seriously? Don't you trust your own darling neice?"

Silence from Sea god.

"Fine. I swear on the river Styx that when I get out of that helheim, I'll come with you to the party and do whatever you want. Blah blah blah.

"See you in twenty minutes."

Side note; During their "session", Poseidon got so excited he changed Xeris's clothes to a pretty alright blue chiton.


	23. The weaver speaks

The Weaver Speaks.

"Darling! I knew you'd come back for me!" Dioscuri exclaimed.

"I didn't come back for you. I had a feeling that I should come back." Xeris said.

"Yes you did. Because WE said so," three voices said at the same time.

"So, I'm Clotho. These are my sister's Lachesis and Atropos. Since none of my sister really have business with you, I'm the one doing most of the talking." Clotho said.

She was talking and spinning thread at the same time.

"Clotho? As in the spinner of the thread of life Clotho?" Xeris asked.

Without looking up, "yeah. Why do you ask? Oh wait, because I made you to,"

"What brings you here? Am I going to die?" Xeris asks earnestly.

"Hades no. Your life is the most exciting thing we've had since Heracles. Even if you weren't immortal, we could have just given you near death experiences, but you won't die. I'd hug you, but if I even stop for a second, all life stands still, and this has to go very fast." Clotho said.

"So, why?" Xeris asks.

"You know that new song 'Girls Like You'? Girls like you get into HUGE trouble with the gods." Clotho began.

"Did I offend them or anything? I just got here three days ago," Xeris says.

"I don't mean THAT kind of trouble. I guess you know the story of how the gods reacted when Aphrodite came to Olympus?"

Xeris did know that story. "Everybody wanted to marry her but Hera intervened and got her married to Hephaestus."

"EXACTLY. Your case isn't so similar but has the same reaction.

"Almost all the Olympian gods are going to fall for you eventually. Most especially The Big Three. You've seen Poseidon recently, right? He asked you to-"

"No. Thanks. Let's not talk about that." Xeris pleaded.

"Ok. Anyway, right now Poseidon's thinking is clouded by love for your beauty. I mean, sheesh. The guy's not as bad as Zeus, but come on.

"Which brings me to the subject of why I came here. "Beware the sea and son of the sea." Blah blah blah. It's too poetic, and I do not want to compared with my half sisters the nine bloody muses. You're supposed to stay away from Poseidon, but it seems now you can't since you've sworn on the river Styx. But stay away from Perseus Jackson. Wait, that's also not possible. Anyway I tried my best." Clotho explained

"Why should I stay away fro-"

"Because as I said, Poseidon's thinking is clouded by the shape of you.. Meaning weird stuff is going to happen. See? That's why I love your life! And Percy? You will be the reason Percy's relationship with Annabeth almost collapses. The guy just HAS to fall in love with you, does he? He's already slightly developing feelings for you. But it'll be worse tonight.

"So it's seems I got a bit off topic about the whole Olympian gods thing. Diony- I mean D, fell in love with you. _Hard_, and told his friend Dionysus. You being a daughter of Zeus, and the most powerful one recently, Dionysus sought permission on behalf of D. Almost everybody went for it, mainly because Dionysus threatened and bribed them. Everybody except Artemis, because you're a maiden and D's a thirty four year old occasional drunk. But of course, the I's had it, and Zeus sent Hermes three days later to get you.

"At the time, nobody really saw what D saw in you. You were a puny demigod who could easily die. Now that you're immortal and eeven more drop dead gorgeous, a few gods are kicking themselves."

"A few names please?" Xeris asked.

"Sorry no. But in abbreviation, A, Z, P, H." Clotho said.

"Anyway, our time's up. Thanks for being born!" The fates said and vanished.

Poseidon waited for what seemed like forever.

"You said twenty minutes. You've been there for like an hour." Poseidon said.

"Poseidon, you should know that twenty minutes was just an estimate." Xeris said calmly.

"Let's go."


	24. Xeris gives a speech worthy of Red

Xeris Gives A Speech Worthy Of Red

Xeris told Poseidon that she had to make an announcement.

"Ladies and gentlemen. It's me, your host, Xeris Sanchez. Thanks for coming, I hope you're having a good time, blah blah blah. Enough with the formalities.

"So It seems everything is going ok. I wouldn't know because,{how many mortals are here? Good} I was taken away by my suitor Mr Mc-jackass.

"Which reminds me, put your hands together for Zeus, my father, lord of the sky, the thunderer, father of most of the heroes of ancient Greece, and god of one night stands. You are all free to call me a bastard, because that's basically his fault.

"And it's because of Thunderhead that I have to have an affair with this guy named Dioscuri. But I can't really blame him. It's like saying who started the Trojan war.

We could say Paris, because he's the one that kidnapped Helen. We can say Helen, because she was too beautiful and too stupid for her own good. We can say Zeus, because as I said, most stories start with Zeus spotting a fine looking lady. We can say Aphrodite, no offence, because she was the one who let Paris go off his rocker and promised him Helen in reward for a stupid golden apple. But we can say Eris, because seriously, She set the trap. In conclusion, we can just blame everybody involved; if they put Eris on the guest list, then she wouldn't have been so angry to craft an apple of discord that made three major goddesses angry enough to ask Zeus for help. And if Zeus took his roles seriously as a god of judgement and law, then he wouldn't have put everything upon a poor mortal shepherd like Paris. But still you can't blame him that much because all of them are really scary when they're angry.

"Back to reality. Each of you will be given a post it note immediately after I finish. You should write three material things you would really want and by dinner tomorrow you'll get it. {Really? Aww come on!} As long as that thing isn't above half a billion dollars. Thunderhead is considerate that way. Why I'm doing this? It's the least I can do for all my fellow demigods. I'm sure all of you want something but think you can't really get it. I'm a part-time therapist for the most antisocial behavioral wreck in history. I'm talking about your father, Nico Di Angelo. You seem to have a lot in common. Anyway thanks for coming and have fun!"

You might want to ask what Poseidon made Xeris do.

He made her drink.

A lot.

"Hello? Give me all of your strongest alcohol!" Poseidon said.

So she drank.

And drank.

And drank.

Even when she was obviously thoroughly drunk and couldn't even pick up a glass, Poseidon still asked her to drink, like, three more bottles of wine.

"What's your aim here? I'm already really, really drunk!" Xeris says.

"The way you're talking? You're not even half drunk." Poseidon argued.

(Ugh. Do I HAVE to write this?

Fine!)

Poseidon wanted Xeris to be drunk enough to nearly pass out so he could take her somewhere and, well, do that thing he asked her to do.

Xeris saw immediately that that was the plan and drank, just not letting the alcohol get to her head.

A few signs of Xeris being drunk;

1\. She talks a lot.

2\. She does what you want.

3\. She cusses more than Arion. Meaning I'm going to be euphemising. A lot.

"Hello? Percy? Help me. Your dad's a maniac drinking coach!" Xeris said.

"Xeris?" Percy said.

Then Xeris gave all control of her head to alcohol.

Her concentration broke. She thought he wouldn't hear her. But he did.

"Percy, I was just looking for you." Poseidon says.

"Would you please take Xeris to cabin three? I'll be there in possibly half an hour. Oh, and tell her to wear this." Poseidon handed Percy a slightly blue, slightly green, slightly transparent robe that was long enough fit a six year old perfectly. Aka it was short. Yeesh!

"See you in thirty minutes. And that's NOT an estimate." Poseidon says.


	25. The Wrecking Ball

The Wrecking Ball

Percy had to drag Xeris to his cabin.

She was light, but she couldn't really move. And she didn't want to go.

"Are you okay? You seem drunk," Percy inquired.

"No, I'm as sober as fricking hell! Of course I'm drunk you bastard! Your shitty father was trying to make me so drunk that I-"

And she repeats what Poseidon asked her to do.

"Eww. Yep, thanks dad for leaving such a good example."

Percy said.

"I know right! That idiotic pervert! I will not not be hard on him because he's your crappy papa. Your dad needs to be smacked up side his fricking head with his own fricking trident!" Xeris cursed.

"How did you meet him?" Percy asked.

"I got Thoephaned* damn it! Dioscuri was singing crappy love songs and I was getting really annoyed. I prayed to your deadbeat dad Poseidon and poof! The moron turns up out of nowhere and offers to get me out of that Helheim, for a price!" Xeris says.

"Why would he do that to his own niece?" Percy said.

"You know, you can be as thick as a brick once it comes to Greek mythology. Even BEFORE I found out that I was one of Zeus's many bastards, I knew a lot about this stuff.

"if gods respected blood ties, then they could ver fool around with demigods. Because of Zeus, I'm related to every Olympian on the block, in fact, every god. Because of barnacle butt, I'm your cousin. Because of Thunderhead, I'm the half sister to five other Olympian gods. I'm sure you get the drill by now." Xeris explains.

"So, you're a bigger myth geek than Nico? Nice." Percy thought.

"So why do the gods fear Eros?" Percy said.

"That's simple. HE'S THE FRICKING HIT MAN! The hitman is much more powerful than the boss. He can destroy your life with a single bullet. It's up to the hitman if he'll just kill the boss, kill you, and leave or do what he's told." Xeris said.

"Yep. You ARE a myth geek."

"So, on a scale from 1 to 10, how drunk are you?" Percy asks.

"Is seven bigger than nine?" Xeris asks.

"No," Percy answers.

"Nine and a half." Xeris said.

"So what do you do when you're drunk?" Percy inquired.

"You may have noticed I've been swearing more than Arion. Then I've also been talking a lot. And alcohol gives me pure hindsight so I could do whatever you want." Xeris replies.

"Kiss me?" Percy said.

He did not know where that came from.

"Dude, I can't even lift a finger! But well, if you insist, help me up," Xeris answers.

Percy helped her sit up on the bed. I shouldn't be doing this, should I? Percy thought.

Just do it! His heart replies.

Makes sense. The guy was wearing Nike shoes.

"I shouldn't be doing this, should I? But my thinking is kinda fuzzy, so,"

Xeris gives him a die hard, Eros's arrow worthy kiss.

Yep. That was weird.

But it gets weirder.

Xeris almost pulled away, but Percy brings her back.

"Baby please don't go." Percy sings.

So they stand up. Percy starts to furiously run his hands through her hair.

(Oh come on! Don't I get a break? Fine)

Percy never felt this good in his life. He almost got them to the wall when there's a knock on the door.

"Percy?" Annabeth called.

You'd think I'll say, "Percy finally gets back to his senses and stops making out with Xeris"?

Half credit dude.

Percy doesn't come back to his senses, but he DOES stop making out with Xeris. Mainly because SHE pushed him away.

"Are you sober enough to hide in the bathroom?" Percy whispered to Xeris.

"I guess?" Xeris replies.

"I'll talk to Annabeth while you stay there. And, by the way, Poseidon told me to ask you to wear this," Percy says and shows her the robe.

"Ugh. Fine." Xeris said.

"And Xeris?" Percy called.

"Anything else he wanted me to do?" Xeris asks exasperated.

"No. I just want to say, I –"

"Percy? Are you in there?" Annabeth calls again.

"I think I'll hide now," Xeris suggests, and goes to the bathroom.


	26. Percy is diagnosed with Zeus fever

Dating The Enemy.

Annabeth almost broke down the door when Percy answered it.

"Percy? Why didn't you answer sooner? I couldn't find you at the party. I looked for you everywhere!" Annabeth said.

"Really? Why were you looking for me?" Percy asked, with a very subtle hint of annoyance. This girl made him miss confessing his love for Xeris.

"Because, you're my boyfriend, seaweed brain! I don't want some hissy swooping in on our relationship." Annabeth teased.

"What if someone has?" Percy said, again, with a very subtle hint of annoyance.

"Then I would bore her to death with my architecture lessons. But seriously, I'm going to kill her." Annabeth says.

"What if it's a 'he'?" Percy joked.

"That would be weird." Annabeth answered.

"Aren't you going to ask me to come in?" Annabeth asked.

"Yeah, about that. You remember my cousin Xeris? Dad wants to, um, do something with her. I have to get this place cleaned up." Percy says.

You might want to say he's lying, but he was SUPPOSED to be doing that, until he got caught up making out with Xeris.

"Won't you need some help?" Annabeth asked.

"Now that I think about it, yes.I also need to get a few clothes from Aphrodite cabin. I need to get wine from Mr. D, and yeah I also need to watch Xeris until Poseidon gets here. I wouldn't want you bothering yourself–"

"I'll do it. You watch Xeris, I do everything else." Annabeth says.

"But come on. That's all the hard work." Percy whined.

NOW he's lying.

"Please, I don't want to look at Xeris and start imagining– you know what? I better get going. See you later seaweed brain." Annabeth says.

Xeris was in the bathroom almost crying when Percy said she could come out now.

Then she slaps him.

"Why Percy? I told you the first time I saw you that I don't want to get involved in your relationship! The fates already told me– ugh!"

"I'm sorry Xeris. But it was just – I feel hypnotized by you. You're just so beautiful. And the way you talk, I hang on your every word. I'm somehow drawn to girls that know more than me–"

"Shut up, you dam fool," Xeris says.

"You even know about my jokes. I haven't even told Annabeth about that." Percy says.

"I love you, Xeris. Please, give me a chance. I'll make it up to you–"

"Save it. When was the last time you told Annabeth you loved her? She loves you Percy. I don't want to–"

Percy kisses her.

Agggh! Why does this thing have to be so romantic?

Then he goes on his knees.

"Xeris, I don't really think my life is complete without you! If you don't forgive me, I'll let myself die. The next time I'm attacked by a monster, I'll let them kill me.

"You can do what you want. You can have other relationships. Just please, let me love you." Percy pleaded.

He was crying.

Xeris hates people crying over her.

"Shut up, you bastard! I agree to your terms." Xeris said.

"I love you, Xeris." Percy said.

"But I have a few rules of my own;

"You have to keep this secret. While dating me you will act like you love and care for Annabeth like she's the bearer of your life. Tell her that you love her three times a day, buy her flowers, give her architecture books. Laugh at her jokes but not in a way that seems fake. Give her a shoulder to cry on when she's hurt. And most of all; do not break up with her, or else I will leave you.

"We'll see each other for one hour of two weekdays and one weekend. Agree to these terms, and I will fully agree to yours." Xeris finished.

"Is that all, Princess Xeris?" Percy asked.

"Yes. That's about it." Xeris said.

"Then I swear–"

"Vows can be broken anytime, Perseus Jackson. I don't want you suffering because of that. Just say you agree to my terms." Xeris said.

"I agree to your terms." Percy says.

Blerg.

You get the drill.

"Perseus Jackson! What are you doing with Xeris?" Poseidon asks.

"Xeris? What the Hades are you doing?" Percy lies.

"I'm drunk, remember? I thought you asked me to." Xeris also lies.

"Fine. Xeris, I'll be waiting for you."

"Not on my watch," Dionysus said.

Then everything went black, for Xeris.


	27. Chapter 27

Wine Dude And Aquaboy; To The Rescue!

Why that happened?

Dionysus had to make Xeris unconscious. Since wine is his department, he has control over who ever gets intoxicated by it. So he just had to will the alcohol to overtake her consciousness and BAM!

"Dear nephew, what are you doing here?" Poseidon asks exasperated.

Yes, I know, this guy seems to ask a lot of questions.

"Mr D? Why are you here"

"Why did you take my beautiful Xeris away from me, aquaman? Just so you could have her? NEVER!" Dionysus raged.

Dionysus wanted to carry Xeris so they could teleport to Olympus, but Poseidon blocked his path.

"I want her, Dionysus, and there is no bloody way I'm going to let you stop me. I haven't seen anyone so attractive since the Nereids." Poseidon says.

"She is MY mistress, Poseidon. And why the sudden change of heart? You were one of the first people to object my choice." Dionysus pointed out.

"I hadn't seen her then! And the reason I objected is because I didn't want you to be heartbroken after she dies. And I held myself back because she was obviously too young. But now…" Poseidon paused to caress Xeris's face.

Nice one Poseidon. You just succeeded in grossing out every single person reading this book.

"I want her. And that's final!" Poseidon says.

Your father needs to be smacked up side his fricking head a his own fricking trident, Percy recalled.

He grabs Poseidon's trident arm and smacks him with it.

"Percy, why?" Poseidon questioned.

"You're scaring me. DIONYSUS shouldn't be doing this, trying to TAKE XERIS AWAY, but you're becoming too dramatic." Percy says.

Dionysus took the hint, ran past Poseidon and and carried unconscious Xeris away.

He then teleported to Olympus, inhaling her sweet perfume.


	28. Let the deification games begin

Good morning beautiful. How were your nights?" Dionysus said to Xeris as himself.

Xeris woke with a bolt, "NIGHTS? I'm sure I slept for like two hours." Xeris says.

"This one is smart, I see." Dionysus said.

"Where the heck am I?" Xeris asks.

"You're at my mansion in Olympus. It would be advised you don't take any water here." Dionysus said.

"Take me back to camp." Xeris said.

"Not now. Father wants to see you," Dionysus informed.

Zeus waited patiently for his daughter.

"Welcome, dear. Hello, Dionysus." Zeus said.

"Good morning, Thunderhead," Xeris says.

"I like this girl," a voice said. "She tells you exactly what you're supposed to hear."

"Hera, do you WANT to be hung over Chaos again?" Zeus asked.

"Dear step daughter, won't you pay homage to me, queen of Heaven?" Hera asked.

"Hmm….no. I think I'll pass."

Xeris stood in front of, well, everybody. She first thought the place was empty, then it seemed everybody just started popping up.

"Xeris! Welcome. They should've just given me a few more minutes, I would've brought my hunters," Artemis said excitedly.

Yep, things are going to be MUCH weirder.

Hephaestus seemed self conscious about how he looked all of a sudden. The guy's hair was a mess. He would've been alright, except for his face and, big yikes, his leg.

Poseidon looked distraught.

Ares, well, that's another story.

Athena looked angry.

Aphrodite seemed as if she was trying her best to keep her mouth shut.

Demeter looked awestruck. Why? Back to ya on that.

Hermes looked busy. Of course, he's the secretary.

Apollo was still on exile.

"I called you here so everyone else can see you. But right now, you're too tiny. Rise, daughter." Zeus said.

"Oh, k?" Xeris said.

She concentrated, and she grew by ten feet.

"Hi, Thunderhead, Queen Bee, Saltwater Breath, Grainzilla, Anger management, Love Witch, Khaleesi, Frankenstein, Owlette, Underated Secretary, and Wine Dude. I'm Xeris. You know, the new bastard." Xeris said.

"I name you Persephone. You seem so much like her," Demeter said.

"Huge difference being that I'm just Hades's therapist, not his wife. No offence." Xeris said.

Dionysus motioned for her to turn around. And she saw Hades.

"Why hello Mr Death god. You look better and less depressed than three days ago, and four thousand years before that," Xeris says and smiled. And so did Demeter, Poseidon, Hera and Zeus.

Hades looked nervous.

"Speak up. You're not supposed to let me speak to you like that." Xeris said.

"It's fine. That's the nicest thing I've heard in years now." Hades said.

"ANYWAY," Zeus thundered, literally. "We called you here so we could discuss deifying you. Everyone's for it, but we need you to prove yourself." Zeus continued.

"Great, what am I supposed to do?" Xeris asked, getting ready to bolt.

"First challenge; we have to see if your immortality really works. We're going to put you through a series of tests. After that, then you'll come back,"

"What if it doesn't work?" Xeris asks.

"Well, that's why Hades is here. We'll get your soul back from the underworld, and once we revive you, then we'll do the proper rituals." Zeus said.

It's true. All they did the first time was give her a so-called Apple O' Immortality. More of a reason this is most likely to end badly. But you'll see, could be worse.

"Death by self combustion? You're kidding me right?" Xeris asked.

"It was Hera's idea." Dionysus asked.

No, she wasn't asked to strap a bomb to her head. She was told to eat ambrosia.

Ambrosia is the holy food of the gods. Mere mortals can't even eat a bite. Demigods can eat a less than ok enough amount. Gods can eat an all you can eat buffet and more because, obvi, their food.

Xeris tried some. Nothing happened. Then she ate the whole plate. Nothing happened still.

"I know, I'll be back with more." Dionysus said.

"NO! No. More." Xeris said.

"Death by drowning. Yay!" Xeris said sarcastically.

I know, you might be thinking, 'she's tried this before,'.

That was normal water. This time she had to go through harmless liquids, two underworld rivers, and pure acid.

First she went through milk, continuously saying "I'm sō dead."

Next, wine. That was not Dionysus's idea, btw.I

I know. Shocker.

After dealing with every harmless liquid they could find, Xeris had to go to the underworld.

"It'll be fun!" Hades assured.

"Phlegathon and Styx. That's all," Hades said.

Percy was right when he said that Phlegathon was like acid, fuel and kerosene.

It hurt, but didn't kill her.

Styx was a different story.

"can't I just die already? This thing hurts like hell!" Xeris shouted.

"You're not even in the river yet," Hades said.

"Fine," Xeris murmured.

She jumped into the river.

It was a miracle. She lived!

"Do we still have to do the pure acid test? I think I've done that in Styx," Xeris whined.

"This is TOTALLY worse," Dionysus said.

"Thanks for the encouragement," said Xeris.

She had to wear a one piece gold bikini courtesy of Poseidon.

"What will this acid do again? You said it's magic," Xeris asks.

"If it works, it'll burn away all your mortality, all your flaws, all your sicknesses. If it doesn't... Well, let's think positive." Dionysus said.

"Nice knowing you then." Xeris said, and hugged him.

Regrets?

In this book, I have a lot.

I lied, hug is a euphemism.

Dionysus looked surprised.

"What? You owe me for that time you kissed me In front of my father," Xeris said and jumped.

Do you wanna play with fire?

Then you should know what you're falling for.

Do you dare to do this?

Cos I'll be coming at you like a storm.

I said that because Dionysus jumped into the acid.

The guy went absolutely bonkers.

They reported back to the throne room. Even when Dionysus sat on his throne, he couldn't stop gaping at Xeris.

"Next challenge; a singing competition. You shall sing against Calliope. If you win, then you'll get your final two challenges. If you lose, then you can go back to camp with your present powers."

Calliope looked calm for someone who was supposed to sing against Xeris. Probably because she THOUGHT Xeris was going to lose.

You haven't heard of her then.

Xeris knows more than three hundred songs. She has a very good can take you down.

"I'll let you start the game. It's the least I can do for you as a future winner." Calliope mused. (can Muses muse?)

"Who the hell are you to step to me?

An aimless airhead with a vitamin D deficiency?

You got no skill cause you focus on your looks.

That goes for you and those seven shnooks." Xeris sang.

There are NINE muses. She said seven because she respects Thalia to the death.

Calliope boiled with anger.

"It's not lame that my aim here's to tell you the truth.

I'll hit it out of the park like my name's Babe Ruth.

Got a star on the Hollywood, walk of fame.

The fact that you don't sing the same is really a shame.

I'm the original princess, you're a copy of a copy.

I am porcelain and perfect and perfect and your floppy hair is sloppy.

I'm fragile but agile. Rarely cross.

I'm sweet. You can tweet.

I'm a A BOSS!"

"Do you wanna play with fire?

Then you should know what you're falling for.

Do you dare to do this?

Cos I'll be coming at you like a storm.

Do you believe in magic?

THEN I'LL BE COMMIN' AT YA LIKE A DARK HORSE!

Are you ready for (ready for),

The test of time (test of time).

Cos once you're mine (once you're mine).

(There's no going back)"

"You think that was hot?

It's not even warm!

Come to my world,

And see my true form."

Calliope changed into her true godly form.

Xeris fell over laughing.

"See you little bitch,

You can't fuck with me,

If you wanted to.

These expensive.

These is red bottoms.

These is bloody shoes.

Hit the store, I can buy em both.

I don't wanna choose

And I'm quick. Cut a nigga off

So don't get comfortable.

I don't dance nows, I make money moves."

Calliope fell to the ground.

"Hit me with your best shot!

Hit me with your best shot.

Fire away!"

Xeris smiled.

"Hey, hey hey.

You think that I'm a little bae aye bae.

You think that I am fragile like a fab-ré-ge.

You think that I am cracking but you can't–break–me.

No o, o o oh, Noo way.

No o, o o oh, noo way."

Calliope gaped.

"I'm not worthy. Please, go." Calliope begged.

"That's re spect,

Come on!" Xeris sang and stormed out.

"Wow. Nobody is able to beat Calliope. But you did. Wow." Aphrodite said.

"Your next challenge is to get one of Eros's arrows. You get the drill." Zeus said.

Well that was supposed to be easy.

Xeris was given directions to Aphrodite's mansion.

"But I'm warning you, that's suicide." Poseidon said.

She first met Psyche.

"Hi, you look hot. Are you here to see my husband?"

Psyche asked.

"Yes. I'm here to get one of his arrows," Xeris answered.

"Don't worry. I'll get it for you. The Olympians sent you, right? I hate quests."

"Lady, I said I, am here to get the arrow. I can handle your husband just fine. Tell him to give me a challenge." Xeris replies defiantly.

Psyche spends a few minutes on the phone. "Ok. He's ready for you."

Xeris walks in and switches on the lights.

"Hello, Xeris. What an awkward situation. I'm quite distressed to not receive AT least an invitation." A voice called.

That prick tried the invisibility trick again.

Tried.

Xeris could see him just fine.

The idiot was drop dead handsome.

Lucky for Xeris, she hated the guy.

She pretended she couldn't see him.

"So, good old invisibility trick again? Nice."

Something shot Xeris. Probably one of his arrows.

"Really? Is that all you got?" Xeris asks.

Three more arrows shot her.

"Ohh. I'm scared. Nice shirt, but purple isn't your colour." Xeris mocked.

"It's plum! And how do you know? How haven't you fallen in love with me yet?"

He shot an arrow for each sentence.

"I am feared by even the gods, and you think you can resist me? I'm handsome enough to make any girl sacrifice her life for my love!"

Seven, eight.

"No offence to Psyche, but most of those girls are, how do I put it nicely, STUPID AS HELL. You're a monster, that's why the gods fear you. You're worse than Typhon, Kronos, and Cerberus put together!"

"HOW DARE YOU?!" Eros said and materialized.

Nine, ten, eleven.

Eros shot one more arrow, straight into her heart.

He was expecting her to fall madly in love with him and he would reject her.

Instead she laughed.

"Dude, I asked for a challenge. You give me slapstick comedy!"

One more for Hades, Xeris thought.

Eros shot his strongest, most potent love arrow.

Xeris caught it flying in the air.

"Thanks for the arrow love child. Oh, and tell Hedone I said she's disgusting, why doesn't she apply for another job?"

Eros boiled with rage.

"You. Will NOT, talk about my daughter like that!" Eros said and kissed her.

Xeris pushed him away and frowned. "Yep, you really put your best work into that right? I'm not easily swayed like Psyche. I am the stormborn. I am the daughter of lightning. I am stone cold. You cannot faze me!" Xeris says. While she was speaking her voice divided into twelve. And she slapped him.

Baaad-ass!

Now to explain how Xeris was able to beat Eros.

In the second to last line of her sentence, she said she was stone cold. She's right. She thinks with her head and never backs down to her heart. If her head isn't being reasonable, then she turns to her instincts, what she feels is right.

Xeris marched back to Olympus with thirteen arrows. She gave one to each Olympian and the last one Eros shot to Hades. And and took a random one for herself.

"Styx wasn't fun, by the way," Xeris commented.

"Now your last challenge; you have to beat Ares at a sword fight."

That was the easiest thing since Eros.

"Sword of The Stormborn!" Xeris called and a huge sword fell into her hand.

She called me and Qrynea to form half of her true godly form.

We were huge lolirock fans, so we decided to make fun and say the transformation mantra.

"Mnemosyne, princess of Xeris!"

"Qrynea, princess of Volda!"

"Crysta, princess of Ephedia!"

Yes, I'm Crysta. Got a problem with that?

Ares looked scared.

We joined and made Xryia. It's not a combination of our names, btw.

"Trust me, this will hurt WAY more than Diomedes during the Trojan war,"

Ares put up a fight, but Xryia stood her ground. When she got really bored she used her sword to cut off every piece of armour, and forced Ares to the ground

"Any last words?" Xryia asked.

"I love you," Ares said.

Xryia plunged her sword through his chest. And golden Ichor spilled everywhere.

"This girl's good," Hera said.

"Very," Athena grimaced.

Ares gaped.

Hephaestus smiled.

Hermes was STILL busy.

Dionysus stared daggers at Hephaestus.

"Very good, daughter. You have succeeded in all the challenges. You are now the goddess of everything I'm the god of– the sky, thunder, rain, lightning, judgement and law–"

"Please not one night stands." Xeris said.

"Et cetera. You may go back to your camp." Zeus said.

"Or you can stay with us. She's too good for the mortal world now, father." Ares argued.

"Yes. She's awesome, powerful, and immortal. You can't just let her go." Hephaestus whined.

"Hephaestus! You're married to me! You can't just start to praise some ex-mortal you barely know." Aphrodite snapped.

"You're married to him and you have more than fifteen kids in Aphrodite cabin." Xeris said.

Hephaestus smiled again.

"Aphrodite's right, you know." Dionysus said. "And Xeris shouldn't go back to the mortal world just yet. It's four in the morning. Let her get some sleep."

"She could stay with me," Poseidon said.

"Or me," Ares seconded.

"Or me," Hephaestus defended.

"I brought her here. She should stay with me." Dionysus said.

"NO! Enough. She will stay with me." Zeus said.

Nobody dared say anything after that.

Can I say something?

Even though Xeris keeps calling Zeus Thunderhead, she's terrified of him. Zeus's laws of making out knew no blood ties. There are some myths that say Zeus once fell in love with Persephone, his own daughter.

Zeus gave Xeris a seemingly different room. It was the same room, different bed.

"You won't even know I'm here," Zeus said.

The minute Xeris's head touched the pillow, she fell into a deep sleep.

That's because Zeus made it that way.

The bed was soft, comfy, and heavily enchanted by Hypnos and Morpheus.

Now Zeus looked at his daughter to know what Dionysus saw in her to be so smitten by her.

She was beautiful, and so at peace. Her hair was like a wild forest.

Zeus saw that instantly; His son loved her because she was her. She was courageous, funny, powerful and beautiful. She was his daughter.

Zeus tried to creep back to sleep, but he couldn't take his eyes off Xeris. She was gorgeous.

"She's hot, right?" Hera said.

"Um— no. I'm just watching her sleep," Zeus said.

"No, tell me the truth. I'll be okay with it." Hera persisted.

She really would be okay with it. This is going to be fun, she thought.

"You will?" Zeus asked.

"I swear on the river Styx." Hera said.

Most times, she was a wife to Zeus. Now it's time to be a sister.

"Yes, she is. This may come as a shock, but I seem to like her a lot." Zeus said, in something like a

"Hmm. Well then, go for it." Hera said.

"Really?! I mean, really? She's my daughter. I can't just—" Zeus looked back. She was starting to become even more appealing now.

Just do it.

Zeus was just getting up when Xeris jumped out of her bed.

"Thunderhead, I need your help. I have a feeling love child needs to be ripped a new one." Xeris said.

Zeus followed Xeris to Aphrodite's mansion.

Xeris WAS beautiful.

On the way, he couldn't stop gaping at her. He was mad with desire.

"Lord Zeus, what's your problem?" Xeris asks.

"Nothing! I wasn't looking at you!" Zeus said, surprised.

As they knocked on the door, Zeus was already fantasizing how the kiss would be. He'd pick her up and fly her back to his room. Then they'd talk about things. Then they'd kiss again.

"Lord Zeus? What are you doing here?" Psyche said, disturbing his fantasy.

"I— I don't remember," Zeus said, a bit annoyed.

"I've come to kill Eros. Do you know where he is?" Xeris asks.

Psyche frowned. "So you're the girl who insulted me and my daughter? Why did you bring the lord of the sky here?"

"I'll need some backup burning the body, right? I didn't really insult you. As for your daughter? I insulted her alright. Just because your husband is the god of making out doesn't mean he should embarrass his daughter with that title." Xeris defied.

"Can't she just be the goddess of something that can easily be euphemized without people guessing correctly?" Xeris continued.

"Back to the topic; where's that god of pricks?"

"He's with Percy Jackson," Psyche said.

"Styx! You have got to be bullshitting me right now." Xeris swore. "I want to ask, are you okay with being a widow? Because your husband is so—"

Xeris gets shot.

"I hope you're ok with your husband being slapped upside the head Mrs. Bulshitter." Xeris said calmly.


	29. Love Will BE hurt

Love Will Be Hurt

Eros wasn't expecting lightning bolts.

"What the shit do you want, love child?" Xeris asked angrily.

"Since you can't fall in love, I'm going to make others love you. I was really thinking of Zeus, but really, I've got so much to choose from."

Meaning he hasn't shot Zeus yet. Meaning Zeus fell for Xeris of his own accord.

"Wand of Xeris," Xeris said, and a long baton like wand came out of nowhere.

"I wasn't expecting that. But cool!" Xeris said. And proceeded to whack the god over the head.

Oh, all this time, Eros was invisible.

"How can you see him?" Zeus asked.

"Cause I've got the eye of a tiger,

A fighter." Xeris sang. Then she faced Eros.

"And you're gonna hear me roa-a-a-a-oar!" Xeris said and struck him with a bolt.

"What in blazes is going on here? Who are you hitting, Xeris?" Aphrodite asked. It seems she was just receiving a facial.

"Your son needs to die. Sword of the Stormborn!" Xeris called.

She calmly picked the god up with her wand. "You must swear on the rivers Cocytus and Styx that you or anyone else in your family will not try and take revenge on me. Unless you want to die a death even more painful than that metaphoric wound in your heart you had the last time," Xeris said.

"I swear on Cocytus and Styx!" Eros screamed.

"Very good. Because you have TWO gods of judgement and law. Break the law, I will break you," Xeris said in a tiny voice.

Eros had never seen someone so vile and cold to try to kill him. "Forgive me, my—"

"Shut up. No more formal crap." Xeris commanded. And left.

"Eros. What did that girl do to you?" Psyche said. He had a serious black eye, a busted lip, a torn shirt, and a hand mark and the words "Eye of a tiger" written in marker on his forehead.

"Xeris almost killed me." Eros replied.

"Why don't you shoot her? She just got deified, and she thinks she's better than you?"

"Even if I shot her, it wouldn't work. She is stone cold. She has no respect for her heart. She would make a great hired assassin."

"Then I'll take revenge on her, for you my love!" Psyche said.

"See this life me I no want trouble oh. (yes people. Eros briefly became Nigerian) That girl is so powerful, I'm sure she can take away your immortality if you tried to harm her. And I've already sworn that me and my family won't take revenge on her."

"Well then, what do we do?" Psyche said.

"Her love life is already complicated. There's going to be a love heptagon, and with almost zero of my help. Already there's Dionysus. Then Perseus Jackson. Then Poseidon. Now even her father Zeus is falling for her."

Yes party people.

We've got a case of reverse Electra complex.

"Zeus is her father? Oh my word."

Love heptagon? There are a few people who are threatening to make it a love dodecagon. Even Eros himself.


	30. Reverse Electra

Revere Electra

Zeus gave in to desire. So as soon as Xeris went to sleep, he stayed close to her.

"Xeris. My powerful darling." Zeus praised.

"Please, just give me one kiss. I'll do what ever you want!"

Zeus said.

Xeris murmured in her sleep, "mhmm".*

Zeus took that as a yes, and did as he pleased

He was just about getting cozy with her when he heard "_WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!_"

"Demeter. Sister. How is it?" Zeus asked.

"How dare you touch my Persephone! You monster! You just want to chase everything with a pretty face?" Demeter asked.

"She's my daughter. I love her. She's beautiful."

Remember when I said that Zeus's laws of making out know no blood ties?

"Exactly! She's your daughter. She has YOUR golden ichor running in her veins. You can't do this to her,"

"You can't oppose me. I'm lord of the universe. You're just Grainzilla!"

"Then I have no choice but to stop you. She's too young to have a bastard."

Demeter took Xeris's hand, and sent her to camp.

Xeris woke up from the smell of wheat.

"Grainzilla? Are you here?"

"Hello, my love." Percy whispered.

"What the FRACK?" Xeris said.

"I was just getting up to look for you. You magically appeared out of nowhere. Where have you been since yesterday?" Percy asked.

"I've been up on Olympus—"

"So _this_ is where she sent you?" Zeus called.

"Thunderhead? Who do you mean by "_she_"?"

"Xeris, it's, um, Hera! Hera sent you here," Zeus lied.

"Say what now?" Said Xeris.

Percy was angry. Why did Zeus have to barge in on his romance?

"I almost thought she would send you somewhere terrible like Tartarus, or Canada. Come with me, daughter, do you have any idea where you are?"

Xeris looked around. She was in cabin three, right in Percy's arms.

She yelled some words that were definitely not divine.

"She gets all high and mighty because she's never cheated on you. And now she wants me to— THAT BEOTCH!"

"Zeus, how dare you slander me like this?" Hera screamed.

"You want me to tell her the truth?" Hera asked.

"Yes," Zeus said in a negative tone.

"Poseidon sent you here. He just _looks_ like Percy, but that isn't him." Hera lied. She didn't want to be hung over Chaos again, or Canada.

"You? You tried to pull a Kalisto on me?" Xeris asked.

"Can we PLEASE not talk about that?" Zeus pleaded.

"No Xeris, it's me, Percy." Percy cried.

"If you're Percy, what's my nickname?" Xeris asks.

"Princess?" Percy answered.

"Hmm. I believe that." Xeris said.

"So if this is Percy, then what's the truth? Why am I in cabin three?" Xeris asks.

You're thinking with all the gods here, people would've woken up?

You guessed right.

Chiron was just knocking on the door.

"Xeris, what are you doing here?" He asked.

"Chiron, what do you want?" Zeus asked.

"Lord Zeus, we have strict rules ruling this behaviour. If Xeris has to wake up screaming everyday, she'll need to go.

"Wait? Lord Zeus? Hmm, so that's why she was screaming."

"You can open the door now," Zeus said.

Chiron wasn't the only one at the door. At least ten other angry campers were with him. And there was Annabeth.

"You! What are you doing here? I told you, Percy is mine."

"Daughter of Athena, there is a logical explanation for this," Hera said.

"What do you know? Your husband cheats on you every time. He's my boyfriend, he'll never cheat on me. Will you, Percy?"

Xeris stared at Percy.

"Um, no. I'd never cheat on you. I love you." Percy said.

"You see? Now back off!" Annabeth commanded Xeris.

Annabeth tried to pull Xeris out of Percy's bed, she couldn't. It felt like she weighed a thousand pounds.

"Get up, you brat. Don't think because your daddy's Thunderman I won't slap you," Annabeth threatened.

Xeris got up no problem.

"How? When I tried to pull her up, she weighed a lot." Annabeth complained.

"Maybe because she's been deified?" Hera said.

"You allowed one of your stepchildren be deified? Impossible." Annabeth said.

"It was actually her idea," Zeus said.

"Anyway, Xeris, you are hereby on probation. If you wake up all the campers one more time, you'll be suspended from camp. Campers, to your posts." Chiron finished.

Percy looked wistfully at Xeris. Just when he thought he had scored a romantic moment with her, Zeus and company came along.

"Xeris, wait," he called.

"Yes, Perseus?" Xeris asks.

"Meet me at the river this afternoon. Today can be our first weekday?" Percy said.

"Not until you apologize to Annabeth and get her a gift," Xeris said.

"You're always talking about Annabeth. Can't you just be selfish for once? Or talk about me?" Percy whined.

"I don't want her to hate me." Xeris said.

"Ok. See you then Princess. And I love you." Percy whispered.

_* She was dreaming about having a talk with Raven Symone._


	31. Hephaestus makes a bad deal

Informant here.

For the first time in forever, Hephaestus thought of something other than metalworking.

Someone, to be exact.

Xeris seemed cool. She didn't grimace because of his appearance, and she defended him from Aphrodite's possible flyting.

But why did she call him Frankenstein?

He was sure he didn't LOOK like Frankenstein.

He should ask her about that.

"Father, I want to talk to Xeris," Hephaestus said to Zeus.

"We just got back from her camp. If you wanted anything, you could've told us on the way out." Zeus said.

"You left without telling me. How was I supposed to ask you anything?"

Zeus looked sad. "Why do you want to talk to her?"

Aphrodite stepped in. "Yeah, Hephaestus, WHY do you want to talk to her? You can't possibly ask her out, she'd just refuse. And besides, soon she'll be Dionysus's mistress. Try anything, and he will kill you."

"I'm sure Dionysus will understand. You, however, won't." Hephaestus snapped back.

"I understand perfectly. And I pity you. Hey, You could just see her. She'll run away screaming before you even utter a word!" Aphrodite said and laughed.

Hephaestus's beard was smouldering. "Aphrodite—"

"Ooh. Whatcha gonna do? Build me to death? HA! Classic."

"You know what? Let's make a deal! If she talks to me calmly and without fear, then you'll have to kiss me. If I lose, then I'll make you jewelry for a year. And I'll say that Ares is obviously WAY more handsome than me and you two deserve to be together." Hephaestus snapped. Literally. He was so angry right now.

"Well, prepare to lose." Aphrodite said.

"Let's go then?" Hephaestus asked.

"Yes. I want my jewelry quickly." Aphrodite answered.

Xeris went back to her cabin to find Hephaestus and Love witch waiting for her.

"Hi Frankenstein! What do you want?"

"That's exactly why I came here; why do you call me Frankenstein?" Hephaestus asked.

"Because you're ugly, why not?" Aphrodite said.

"Well if it isn't Olympus's favourite side chick. How's that scandal with Ares going?" Xeris snapped.

"Ouch. That's harsh." Aphrodite answered.

"And lord Hephaestus, isn't it obvious why I called you Frankenstein?" Xeris asks.

"Oh. Sorry if I'm THAT repulsive," Hephaestus said sadly.

"You don't take a hint, do you? There were TWO Frankensteins. I'm saying you're Dr. Frankenstein because you make some crazy automatons. And by the way, thanks for binding Hera to that throne. Queen of Heaven? She gives people a whole lot of hell." Xeris said and smiled at him.

Aphrodite spoke in his mind; I'll say I love you in front of all the Olympians AND kiss you on the lips if you get her to kiss you.

"So, how's it like being a god?" Xeris asked.

Hephaestus was very surprised. "Why do you ask?"

"I'm a part-time therapist for the god of the underworld. I need practice. And it seems you need someone to talk to."

"It's not all that bad. And it's not all that good either. Because of how I look I'm detested by most people. And by most people,— I'm sure you get my meaning."

"Yeah," Xeris answered.

"You're beautiful, you know," Hephaestus blurted. Then he closed his mouth. Xeris laughed.

"I don't consider myself beautiful. Not even pretty," Xeris said.

"You are! You are absolutely beautiful. Stunning. Mesmerising. Even—"

Xeris kissed him. He gaped.

"Is that enough to shut you up?" Xeris asks.

"No," Hephaestus blurted.

Then she kissed him AGAIN. Then she stopped.

"How about now?"

Hephaestus's hair went on fire.

"I guess that's a yes. See you around, Frankenstein,"

If background music would play in real life, then Hephaestus would have seriously gotten Careless Whisper, then I'll Always Love You, then O Zaaluma.

They returned to Olympus.

"Ugh. I guess I'll have to pay up now?" Aphrodite whined.

"Thank you, Aphrodite. Without you I wouldn't have been able to do that. You and Ares really deserve to be together. You're both really stupid and have the power to make people do stupider things. I think I've finally found true love."

"Hold up. You have to take back what you just said," Aphrodite warned.

"Why?" Hephaestus asked.

"Because I'm standing right behind you!" Dionysus raged.

"Hephaestus, I thought you were my friend. So how dare you fall in love with my mistress? I trusted you. You were like a real brother to me!" Dionysus said.

You would think that Hephaestus would be all like, "it's not what you think. I'm sorry, it'll never happen again."

Keep thinking.

"Xeris is so beautiful," Hephaestus said, ignoring him.

You can pretty much guess what happened.

Dionysus went ballistic.


	32. And Near Death Unleash Through D's Rage

And Near Death Unleash Through D's Rage

Percy waited for Xeris at the river before noon.

He remembered the excuses he gave Annabeth so he could come here alone .

"I'm not busy this afternoon. How about we go to the river?" She asked sweetly.

"Sorry, but I've got this thing I have to take care of by then and it is going to be long." Percy said.

"What if I come with you? I am Wise Girl," She persisted.

"Um, no. I have to handle this. It's a family matter." Percy tried again.

"We are family. Which means it concerns me too," Annabeth still persisted.

"It's about Xeris and Poseidon," Percy said finally.

"Ok then. Some other time?"

Xeris came about 12:10.

"You're late. Which means that we can talk until 1:10?" Percy asked.

"I did say one hour," Xeris said.

Xeris looked distant and distraught. She didn't wear makeup, didn't dress fancy, as usual, but she seemed as if something shook her.

"What is it, Princess?" Percy asked.

"Hephaestus," Xeris replies.

"What did he do to you?"

"rather, what have I done to him? I'm sure Dionysus is angry. He wants his friend to be happy, and if anyone comes in his way, he will destroy them."

She explained what happened between her and Hephaestus.

"Now I think there's trouble in paradise. I have to help him," Xeris said.

"Be selfish for once. I'm sure they'll work it out," Percy says and pulls her close.

"So what do you want to talk about?" Xeris asks.

"Let me just look into your eyes." Percy said.

Percy thought they would work it out?

Well they did, sort of.

Dionysus wrapped vines around Hephaestus's neck trying to strangle him. Hephaestus sent fireballs at Dionysus's clothes.

Then they decided that they'll just get tired so they drank it out.

Then both of them got really drunk so they decided to talk it out.

"Why Hephaestus? You're my friend. I really wanted to invite you personally for my ceremony," Dionysus asked.

"Aphrodite did it. I got so mad at her that I wasn't thinking straight and made a deal with her. Then she dared me to kiss Xeris, and I fell for her instantly." Hephaestus explained.

"Hmm. That happens a lot. So I forgive you. But no more stupid deals." Dionysus said and smiled.

"O.M.G. Guys, you have GOT to see this," Aphrodite called.

"Another one of those ancient dresses in fashion?" Dionysus groaned.

"Better. Come quickly!" Aphrodite said excitedly.

The gods walked over (they're drunk, remember?) to see what Aphrodite was hollering about.

Percy was looking into Xeris's eyes. He was also sitting REALLY close to her. He looked as if he was thisclose to kissing her.

Dionysus frowned. "Ugh. It seems we have a demigod to torch. Help me, Hephaestus?"

"My godly pleasure."

"Xeris, you know I love you. More than this Dioscuri person." Percy said in a daze.

"So what are you suggesting, Aquaboy?" Xeris asks.

"Leave him. Marry me. I'll make you happy forever." Percy whispered.

"There are a lot of cons to what you're saying. For starters—"

"Perseus Jackson! What a wonderful surprise," Dionysus said.

"That. Run!" Xeris said and they got up and ran.

They were just picking up speed when Percy ran into Annabeth.

"Hi Percy. That family matter didn't take as long as it should have," Annabeth said.

"If you want an explanation, you better come with us. After that, I'm sure Percy would gladly go anywhere you want, even Tartarus, right Percy?" Xeris asked.

"Yeah. Sure." Percy yelped.

They ran into cabin one.

"Me and Percy were dealing with this "family matter" when Dionysus came out of nowhere. Maybe he got angry because of the way Poseidon was acting. Poseidon vanished so now Dionysus wants to vent his rage on his child." Xeris explained.

"Meaning that it's because of YOU Percy's in trouble?" Annabeth threatened.

"Well, you could say that. You two go on your romantic date, I'll talk to Dionysus."

"Xeris, I just want to say, take care of yourself. And I love you,"

Annabeth looked puzzled. Then Percy forced a smile and turned to her.

"Annabeth," Percy finished.

"See you later. Literally. Meet me at my cabin in five hours," Percy whispers and leaves.

"What did Percy do to you, darling Xeris?" Dioscuri asked.

"We just talked," Xeris answered.

"Believe me, if he tries anything..."

"Yeah. Thanks for having my back," Xeris commented.

"I'm sorry about what happened at the party—"

"I forgive you. But that was your last time. You have to do something extraordinary if you want another three more get out of my bad book free coupons."

"I have just the thing; you could come to my house. It's not much but it's awesome."

"I'll need to get some bodyguards then. I'll get Percy."

"Why Percy? I just chased the guy away,"

"He's my cousin. And I just heard you say your house is awesome? I need to pay back his girlfriend, or my niece, for getting him in trouble."

"Fine. I guess you can invite all the campers then," Dioscuri said cheerfully.

"Is that sarcasm?" Xeris asked.

"You haven't seen my house. It's me and Dionysus's chill spot, and let's say We Know How To Party!"

And it's back to Crysta we go.

"Sorry Percy, but I'll need your help again," Xeris said sadly.

Percy beamed, but changed his expression immediately. "Ugh. What for?"

"Dioscuri says he wants to take me to his house. He also says I should invite all the campers. So I'll need your help going to Hades cabin to talk to Nico," Xeris said.

"You want to take Percy again? He's MY boyfriend. I say if he goes or if he doesn't." Annabeth said angrily.

"Please Annabeth," Percy pleaded.

"Fine. But not for long. Come back as soon as you finish."

"He can't, Annabelle," said Poseidon. "Percy still has to go to the party. And guard Xeris."

"What? Why him? Can't D take care of his own mistress?"

"D's exactly why Percy needs to guard Xeris,"

"But please, come to the party. You'll have all the time you want there. Most of the time I'll be partying, so you and Percy can have as much fun as impossible!"

"So, why do we need to talk to Nico?" Percy said.

"To invite him to the party. He'll listen to you," Xeris answered.

"Why?" Percy inquired.

"That's.. Classified. If I told you, both of us are most likely to retch,"

Nico Di Angelo, son of Hades, master of the shadow travel, leader of the dead and one time crusher of Percy Jackson.

I'll get straight to the point here; Nico's kinda (read:very) weird. He's the second reason why we hate Eros. He's antisocial and scary as he tends to wear a grim reaper expression, has the ability to sense possibilities of death, and pops out of nowhere when least expected.

And he's gay. He once had a crush on Percy. The confession's in House of Hades, chapter XXXVI page 16

Ouch.

There. Sorted.


	33. I blackmail Di Angel

I Blackmail Di Angel.

"What do you want?" Nico asked.

"Nice to see you too. We want you to go to a party." Xeris said.

Nico frowned. "Why?"

"if it makes you feel better, I'm Xeris. Bane of Eros. That guy's stupid as hell. I will now hand over to Percy before I pass out." Xeris said.

"Bane of Eros? Ha, nice. I have no idea why she wants me to talk to you, but please go to the party." Percy said.

"Yeah, they're right. You need to take a break from your angel of darkness routine," I said.

"Who are you?" Nico asked.

"I'm Crysta, a version of Xeris. I know a lot about you, Angel. Even the truth."

Nico tensed, "truth about what?"

"Wait? You haven't told him? What a shame Percy. What, a, shame. I could just tell him— you know—That thing you were forced to tell Eros. For you, of course."

"Tell me what?" Percy asked.

"NOTHING! You are telling him nothing. I'll go to the party, as long as you invite Will Solace." Nico said.

"Oh, we're inviting the whole camp, and a few camp Jupiter cohorts. Prepare to meet your sister again. I hope Hades doesn't get schizophrenic about it and starts to divide." I said and left.

What I wanted to say?

A bit before the war of the giants, in House Of Hades, Eros made Nico admit he was in love with Percy. Jason was there too, but now he's dead because of good old Caligula. Meaning he took that secret to the grave. Meaning Nico hasn't told Percy. Or anyone else.

"So, what did you do?" Xeris asked.

"My lady, nothing a little blackmail can't really fix." I said.

"You'll have to come to the party as yourself. I'll need someone to guard me while Percy's busy with Annabeth," Xeris pleaded.

"No need to ask, my lady. I am Crysta, tough girl extraordinaire, Princess of Ephedia!" I said and laughed.

Want to know how I look?

Knee length straight-ish blue hair, emerald eyes, twenty, or depending on how old Xeris looks, dangerous.

"Hey. She told me she's your manifestation?"

"Yes. But it makes sense as split personality, or alter ego. I said I'm Crysta. Crysta Ramzeres of Ephedia."

"You're creepy. Hey Xeris, let's go!" Percy said.

House?

That was sö not a house.

It was a cross between Disney universe XXXL, Burj Khalifa, nine high class hotels, three out of this world cinemas, a mansion in heaven, AND a house.

"I told you it's not much," Dioscuri complained.

"Da fauq you saying? How is all this not much? It's too much! Wāy too much!" I complained.

"It's not much compared to Dionysus's mansion."

"Ok then. BUT DJ LET'S BLOW IT UP!"

I partied a hell lot.

But as a split personality, it means I can somehow share Xeris's thoughts.

Percy danced with Annabeth for about five minutes when he saw Xeris in her outfit; she wore a white tube dress with jeans. Her hair was curly as usual, but she wore some kind of diamond tiara.

"This is bad. I've got to resume guard duty. I'll be back soon," Percy said and went over to Xeris's side.

"You look absolutely drop dead gorgeous!" Percy commented.

"I have no idea why. I just picked up some casual clothes, put them on and BAM, this appears." Xeris said.

"Perhaps some Aphrodite magic?" Percy suggested.

"Hmm, fair point." Xeris said.


	34. I become a spoil of war to war

Ares Goes To War with Aphrodite. And Weird Enough, She Wins.

Ares was obsessed with Xeris.

He had an extreme liking for girls who could take him down in swordplay. So he thought her as perfect for him.

For those who don't really understand the concept of obsession; take two and a half cups of lust, half a cup of jealousy, half a cup of pure desire, and only a tablespoon of love.

Back to business; Once he saw Xeris in her outfit, he almost tripped. He decided to talk to her and make (emphasis on make) her realize his true feelings.

Because looking older than twenty while bouncing in a bouncy house and continuously screaming 'this is awesome' tends to draw unwanted attention, Xeris turned sixteen. Ares, for that same reason, decided to turn eighteen. Now he looked like modern Zuko with a crew cut and shades.

Timeout people; let me tell you a few things about Ares: He's the god of war, lover of Aphrodite, has eye-sockets filled with fire instead of normal eyes, (descriptive euphemism for he's creepy) and has times he's not all that war goddy.

This was one of those times.

Then he summoned courage and bounced his way to Xeris.

"Do you want me to stab you again?" Xeris said the war god.

"I want you to love me," Ares said.

"Ugh. Err mer gurd, you're, like, really trying to annoy me," Xeris said in a high pitched teenager's voice.

Reason why Xeris calls him Anger Management coming up in 5, 4, 3, 2,

"HOW AM I ANNOYING YOU? I just want you to be mine forever!" Ares shouted but calmed down in less than a minute.

Xeris had to go into therapist mode.

"Ares, please tell me, calmly, what you want,"

"I want you to make me feel, like I'm the only guy in the world." Fire eyes said.

Umm, kay? Xeris thought. "Why do you want me to to do that? I'm not sure you'd do anything for me," Xeris commented.

"I'd catch a grenade for you," Ares offered.

"Hmm, thanks but I don't think I'll need a grenade right now," Xeris answered.

"Then WHAT do you want? I'd do anything for you!" Ares said.

Xeris frowned, "Why?"

"BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!" Ares said finally.

Xeris tried her best not to throw up, cry, or laugh. "Thank you. Next!" Then she ran the hell out of there faster than you can say Phobos and Demios.

Bad idea when you have a war god on your trail.


	35. Chapter 35

To the blade of Mars your clothes must fall

I made the nearest MP3 play Nikki Minaj's Roger and faced Ares.

I sang as I fought. Unfortunately Ares seemed to be enjoying that.

"You wanna play games but, this is not bingo." He sang as I tried to cut off his neck.

Then I slapped him with my sword.

After a few failed attempts to impale/decapitate Ares, he put his sword to my throat and pushed me to the wall.

"I'm going in," I said and bolted for the door.

Pro tip: when you're trapped with a love crazed war god, it's most likely he'd lock the door and throw away the key.

The door was locked. And I said a few words that were definitely not Open Sesame.

"Fire eyes, what the eff do you want?!" I said, exasperated.

"I want you, Xeris. I love you," Armour Head answered.

Then I got an idea. "More than Aphrodite?"

I was expecting a no. But if he did say yes, I was expecting Aphrodite to burst in in all her glory.

"Yes. More than Aphrodite." Ares said.

Nothing happened.

"God dammit."

"Let me get this straight, you're the real Xeris, so Ares took Crysta instead, just that now she looks like you. But right now, Crysta somehow hates you and promises dire consequences if you don't rescue her?" Percy asked.

"Yes. She's part of my true form. If she doesn't help me anymore I'll never be able to get my full true form," Xeris answered.

"So, can you see what their doing?" Percy inquired.

"No, but I just know."

"If you know, what are they doing now?"

"Crysta's talking to save her life. Ares seems to be getting impatient,"

Then Nico shows up.

"Xeris, you're in big trouble. According to what Will's telling me, Ares cabin wants your blood. They're like 'how dare this hoe make out with our father in public?' And why are you here? Ares took you out like thirty minutes ago," Nico said.

"Nice to see you too. That's not me, that's Crysta. Ares almost took me but I suggested that we do a switch-a-rooney. Now I'm sure she hates me. We have to— oh my fricking god. Ares? That pervert!" Xeris exclaimed.

"What's wrong?" Percy asked.

"Ares just used his sword to cut off Crysta's dress. Thank God she wore her other shirt— NOOOOOOOOOOO!" Xeris exclaimed.

"Nico, shadow travel us to Xeris, it's room 1205. Thankfully you might be passed out by then. Otherwise," Xeris paused and weaved a blind fold. "Take this if you don't wanna throw up." Xeris said and took Nico's hand. And they left.

After writing this I'm definitely going to Lethe.

As Xeris said, Ares cut off both my outfits with his sword.

But let me back up to the "More than Aphrodite" part.

"Why? I'm definitely not as attractive as her right? Surely I'm not as submissive as her," I asked.

"You're attractive because you're better than me at sword play. And I like girls who play hard to get," Ares answered, stepping closer to me.

I decided to use my trump card. "What if I told you that I'm not Xeris? I certainly don't look like her. At least now."

Ares laughed. So much that his shades fell off his face and revealed his fiery eye sockets.

"What if I told you I'm Mars? We're the same thing, but with different names and appearances. Meaning you're still Xeris, and I'll take what I can get." Ares said. And proceeded of cut off my dress.

"What the actual—" then Ares cut off my shirt.

Then Nico and Xeris showed up

"See? Reasons like this is why I'm homosexual." Nico said and tied the blindfold

"You're weird, you know?" I said as I kicked Ares in the face. He groaned in pain.

"Crysta, princess of Ephedia!" I called and got my power outfit.

"You look even better," War god said. He was just recovering from the kick in the face.

"We need to get the shit out of here!" Xeris said.

"Way ahead of you," I said and Xeris took my arm.

"Nico, take my hand," I said.

"Are you wearing clothes now?" Nico asked.

"Nicolas Di Angelo, if I weren't wearing clothes, would I be talking to you right now? " I asked as calmly as I could and grabbed Nico's shoulder.

We teleported back to the party.

"I'm sö becoming your therapist," I said.

"I'm sure if I don't agree, you'll blackmail me again, right?" Nico asked.

"Yep," I said.

"Fine," Nico said.

After a long moment of silence, "You know what? Let's party!" I suggested.

"Jep," Xeris and Nico answered.

(So this guy really can be funny.)

Xeris was sitting over at the juice bar when Dioscuri ran to her.

"Hey, what's up?" Dioscuri asked.

"Got into a switch a Rooney, now Ares cabin hates me. Then I had to save Crysta from getting a war god on her make out list. Now Crysta's Nico's personal therapist and blackmailer." Xeris explained.

"What's she blackmailing him about?" Dioscuri asked.

"Nico's gay, we all know that from his complicated relationship with Will Solace. What people DON'T know is that he first had—or may still have— a crush on Percy," Xeris answered.

"My lips are sealed as long as you dance with me," Dioscuri said.

"I've gotten into a huge scandal. I don't want people to think—"

"I don't care what people think. All I want is to dance with you to Orange's Thinking Bout You. Please, let's dance," Dioscuri said and they danced.


	36. Chapter 36

And now for the moment death breath has been waiting for

Percy was blue with envy.

First, Ares goes up to the stage and starts making out with who he thought was Xeris. Now Dionysus is dancing with the real Xeris.

What should a secret boyfriend do to get some time with his secret girlfriend already? He thought. He was jealous and bothered.

So bothered that Annabeth had to go talk to him.

"Percy, what's the problem? You haven't spoken to me since you went out to guard Xeris,"

Percy stayed silent.

"Are you angry with me?" Annabeth asked.

Percy still stayed silent.

"Percy, talk to me already!" Annabeth begged.

Xeris shot him a look. Now Percy had to talk to Annabeth.

"Why haven't you asked me to dance with you? I've been waiting all night!" Percy said with a forced smile.

"Really? Ok then, m'lady, let's dance!"

"Hey Xeris, how about we try one of those dances where we switch partners like every twenty seconds?" Percy suggested.

"We need a third couple," Xeris answered. She knew what he was thinking. Not literally, btw.

I was just standing nearby.

"I heard something about dancing? Nico could totally join in!" Will Solace said.

"Yes. You and Nico could totally join in," I said.

"I said only Nico can join in. Hey, you're Nico's therapist right? Nico, dance with Crysta." Will said.

"NO!" We both said.

"We can't do that. It would be—"

"Awkward." I suggested .

"Difficult," Nico seconded.

"Weird," I finished.

"Oh, I get it. You two don't care about me."

Of course he was going to play that card. He's Nico's boyfriend, he should know that Nico hates drama.

"Why would you say that?" Nico asked grimly.

He had tears in his eyes. "If you cared about me, then you would dance with Christine." Will said.

My full name isn't Christine. It's Crystanabecca.

"Fine, I'll dance with Crysta. But you owe me for this!" Nico said.

"You know he doesn't have—" I started. Will looked at me in a way that if I said no one more time…

"Fine. DJ, play The More I See!"

That song involves a lot of spinning.

We were first with our original partners; Me with Nico, Annabeth with Percy, and Xeris with Dioscuri.

For twenty seconds.

We; spun to the left, spun to the right, spun in and out, repeat sequence. Then I decided to have a little fun and spun Nico to Percy and signaled everybody else to move away from them.

That was literally the funniest thing I've ever done.

Nico caught Percy's shoulders. Then he realized who he was with. He froze.

All he did for like thirty seconds was look into Percy's eyes. I told the DJ to change the song to How Deep Is Your Love.

Xeris told me later that she manipulated the Mist to make Nico look like her, because I could not be-leive what happened next.

Nico was just about to leave when Percy pulled him back.

He danced with so much passion and love that I changed the song to Magic. Nico looked as if he was going to die of happiness.

Because, why not?

Every time Nico wanted to go, Percy pulled him back to his chest. The dance drew for so long I changed the song, like, four times. Namely; For The First Time In Forever, Anjanna Anjanni, A Million Dreams, and Never Enough.

Then Percy lifted him like a ballerina

Nico really wanted to explode now, but he decided fainting was enough, then proceeded to pass out cold on the floor as if he shadow traveled to all the states of three different countries.

The lights went out, but I could see. Xeris gave me night vision.

Xeris hauled Nico off the ground, which was somehow easy with her super god strength, and laid in his place. Then the lights came back on.

Let me tell you; I'm sure if Nico hadn't blacked out sooner, and Annabeth wasn't there, Percy would've kissed Nico thinking he was Xeris, and Xeris would've either fainted or burst out laughing, and Nico would have died.


	37. Solaceangelo fever

Solangelo fever

"So, what are we talking about?" Nico asked.

"About that dance with Percy." I said.

I would never break his heart by telling him that Percy thought he was dancing with Xeris. "This may come as a shock, but I feel certain that if you hadn't blacked out sooner and Annabeth wasn't there, Percy would've totally kissed you."

"Styx! Why me? I almost got the best kiss of my life!" Nico swore.

"Please, can we not talk about that? It's weird. I'm not a homophobe, but the idea of— in fact, I'm not going to talk about it." I said.

"I would've hugged you if not for the—"

"yeah, complete awkwardness."

A moment of silence later.

"I think I need help with something," Nico said.

"I am your therapist," I replied.

"I like Will, but that dance slowly brought back my feelings for Percy. I want to move on. I remember on the Argo II when I was taking the Athena Parthenos back to camp I practically broke up with him. But I didn't tell him the truth.I want to tell him the truth so you stop blackmailing me, so please, I need your help," Nico said.

I also know about the breakup incident. First the confession House of Hades, chapter LXXVII page one through three.

Ouch. Believe me that stuff was harsh.

"Role play. I'll be Percy, you be you," I said, and turned into Percy.

"Ok, so you meant that literally.

"Percy, I, um, have something to tell you. I— Please don't panic— I was,— and still am, just a little bit though,— in love with you. "

I was terrified for the kid. Percy being courteous would never freak out while the guy was venting to him.

"I know it's strange. But that's the reason I ran away from camp the first time. You thought I had a crush on Annabeth, but it was actually you.

"Eros made me say the truth in front of Jason, so he was the only one that knew. Now he's dead. That's what Xeris and Crysta knew that I wasn't telling you. Please forgive—"

"You didn't do anything wrong. Why should you ask for forgiveness. Honestly, I'm kinda freaking out, but well, no one knew you'd turn out gay, so fine." I said. I even had Percy's voice.

"Can you please turn back into yourself now? I feel better." Nico said.

I shifted back into my appearance.

"I think I owe you a dance? I'm trying to see if I can like, dance with girls. I have a sister named Hazel—"

I got it instantly. "So let's get this awkwardness over with,"

"Sorry," we both said.

I got an mp3. Then I made it play Call Me Maybe. Then it automatically shifted to Grenade.

"Hmm." I said and changed the song to Let It Go.

The song shifted to Saving All My Love For You.

"Kay. One more time," I said and tried changing the song to I Ain't Your Mama.

I was just walking back to Nico when the song changed to Girls Like You.

"Son of a Mitchell!" I swore and decided to change the song one last time. If it shifted again, screw it let's dance.

I tried Eliot's Where They From.

The song shifted to John Legend's All Of Me.

"Ain't got no choice right?" Nico said.

"Shut up, Dark Angel," I said. And we started to dance.

This is still kinda awkward, I thought. Because we were in waltz position and his hands were on my waist! Curse you, whoever invented waltzing. And thank you, to some extent.

"So, about that practical breakup incident? That hurt a lot. But it was also really funny," I said. And it's true! Percy was trying to thank him for something and Nico was like "yeah. Whatever. Have fun with your life {which could've been ours. Why Percy why did you have to be so awesome to make me fall for you? Even though I still somehow blame you for my sister's death, it wasn't really your fault now that I think about it. You belong to ME, not that wise girl!}"

While reading that I was like #get,thatouttahere!

"Now that I think about it, that really WAS harsh. But I was hurt, and I didn't like how I was feeling," Nico said.

We danced silently for about thirty seconds when I thought that song was boring and changed it to Cheap Thrills.

It didn't change.

"Baby I, don't need dollar bills to have fun tonight," the song said.

"That's a euphemism," we both said.

"Dude, quit reading my mind." We said at the same time again.

Then Dark Angel looked at me as if wanting to reap my soul.

(Warning; things will get weird in a minute. Brace yourself.)

Remember how we all thought Nico was gay? Even Nico felt he was gay.

We were all söõ wrong.

Because Nico kissed me.

Ouch! I did not plan that.

The song changed to Love Is An Open Door.

I backed away. "Dude, WHY?" I asked.

"Honestly, I have no idea. I just—"

"Please stop. Now come on, we have to settle your score with Percy." I said, very much embarrassed, annoyed, and confused.

Then I dragged him to the party.

Ladies and gentlemen, please clear away from the center of the party. Everyone except Percy Jackson and Nico Di Angelo We have something very important to discuss. Anyone disobeying this order will get an inch of their hair cut off complements of my sword. DJ, play that song Dreams." I announced.

"What's so important that you drove everyone away?" Percy inquired.

"Nico wants to tell you something," I said and stayed two feet behind Nico.

"Breaking the heart, is a silent art," the song said.

"Percy, I've been wanting to tell you this for a while now. Please don't freak out." Nico began.

"Well, as long as you don't bring any ghosts to town, yeah." Percy joked.

"Ohh kay.

"This is the secret Crysta and Xeris keep talking about; I was in love with you, Percy. I just held back my feelings because of your and Annabeth's relationship. You remember that time you were thanking me on the Argo II and I seemed guarded and restrained? I was subtly breaking up with you. But I didn't really tell you the truth. Now I don't really want to carry that pain in my heart anymore, especially when I want to move on.

"I was in love with you. I thought I still was during that time you came into my cabin. Now, I don't know what I want, but I know it's no longer you.

"We all thought I was gay. Heck, I even thought I was gay. But today, I— I kissed Crysta. And it was one of the best things that has happened in my long, creepy life. Right up there with meeting you and falling in love with Will Solace."

I'll now briefly hand narration over to Qrynea, because during the time Nico was talking I promptly passed out due to high awkwardness.

"I'm sorry Will, if that hurt you. But as I said, I don't know what I want anymore." Nico said. Then he turned around to see Crysta passed out.

As Crysta says; Major Awkwardness Alert.

Nico knelt down to Crysta, he was just about to pick her up.

"Stay away, Dark Angel!" Xeris warned.

Nico obviously didn't care. He then pulled her up and carried her in his arms.

(Qrynea, is that really what happened? I'm gonna be sick.)

"Let's go, my crystal." He said and vanished, as if to shadows.

Still not Crysta or Qrynea. I'm Winoxra a minor personality of Xeris, but the only one that didn't pass out and was sent to look after Crysta.

Once Nico got to his cabin, he had no idea what to do with Crysta. He wanted her, but sheesh, he just learned he was bisexual twenty minutes ago. He knew little about how to treat girls.

"Really? Hell, to the no No NO. You're weird," I said.

"Who are you?!" Nico said.

"I'm a personality of Xeris with the mispronounced name in history. I've come to warn you that you should bring Crysta back, or suffer a thousand torments blah blah blah blah blah, you know what? that was Zeus talking. But Xeris says Crysta's passed out and needs three hours to get over her shock. But believe me, she can hear you, so don't do anything funny or by the time she wakes up, she will kill you." I said

"Can she talk too?" Nico asked.

"Telepathically. But only to other personalities." I lied.

"What does she want me to do with her?" Nico asked.

"She says you should take her back to Zeus cabin, and stop freaking her out."

"What does she mean by stop freaking her out?"

"You're sitting wây too close to her. She says if you take her to her cabin, you could talk about this— situation,"

"But she can see me?"

"No."

I'm sure Nico was a bit happy about this.

"Hurry up, Dark Angel. And that was her talking." I said.

We carried her to Zeus cabin. Then I left and stayed at the door.

"You won't even know I'm here," I said .

"Wait, aren't you going to like translate her thoughts to me so I can talk to her?" Nico asked

"I lied about that. All you have to do is look at her, and concentrate." I said.

Nico sat at the bed post.

-Too close-, Crysta thought.

Nico moved closer.

-You're impossible. Fine, stay there,- Crysta thought.

"Why were you so shocked?" Nico asked.

-Do you know ya can't fall in love after just one dance?- Crysta said.

"We danced like three times," Nico argued.

-I hate your logic.-

"I love you." Nico said.

-Dude, no.-

"Why?"

-can you please give me a break here? I'm seriously freaking out.-

(It was obviously really, really hard to calm down when you have the weirdest person of your favourite series sitting next to you)

-ohh kay.

-Nico, I just want to point out that this isn't really going to work out. You're weird, in the highest standards. You're a dark angel. You see conducting burial rites as a normal thing. I'll see if I can talk Hades into making you Thanatos's secretary. Makes sense.

-my point is that it's not like we're different, but believe me, staying close to you gives me a near heart attack, and not in a like you kind of way. Ok now I feel like I've just been blabbering, can you please move a bit farther away?-

Nico moved even closer.

-aggh, my head- Crysta said.

Nico laid next to her.

-you know, I'll never be able to explain the situation if you're THIS close to me,-

"That girl said you can't see me. How do you know I'm this close?" Nico questioned.

-I can sense you,- Crysta said.

Nico put his hand on her head.

-goddammit, who's that? Ra, please tell me that's you,-

Nico gestured for me to lie.

"Um, yes. I'm just— checking your temperature.," I said.

-you're not lying, aren't you? Because right now I feel like I'm supposed to go into a coma, which means either Hades is here or Nico's very close to me.

-as I said, Nico, I won't be able to explain the situation if you keep getting close to me—-

"Then don't. I don't want to talk about it now," Nico said. Then he stroked her hair.

"Kid, YOU'RE freaking me out," I said.

-So you WERE lying?-

"um— no."

Then Nico hugged her.

-wha— holy— Rihanna —I'm going to be sick! Ra, what's happening? Tell me the truth!-

"Nico's hugging you. I'm supposed to be the hard core personality, but I have to go before I black out." I said.

-tell Xeris to get Eros and torture him to the death if he's behind this,-

"Kay. Bye." I said and turned to leave.

Just before I left, Nico laid Crysta's head to his chest.

"Owwwww." I said and ran, really really fast.

I woke up to find that I definitely didn't use a pillow to sleep.

"What the heel, Nico?" I said.

"Has it been three hours already?" Dark Angel said.

"I've got to run," I said, but Nico caught my wrist.

"Please don't go," Nico begged.

Xeris didn't give me superspeed. Or else, I would've ran the hell out.

"Please let go of me. I've got a god to kill." I said removed Nico's hand, and teleported.

During all the time I was passed out, Xeris didn't really do much. As in compared to what happened to me, her problems were nothing.

The party ended when I left, and Dioscuri and Xeris went to their separate rooms.

Xeris was continuously thinking about me.

"What could Nico be doing to her? Oh, my god. That weird son of Hades!"

this was about the time Nico put his hand on my head.

"Hello, Xeris." Percy said.

"What is it? Crysta's in trouble, I can't even think straight because of my worrying." Xeris said.

"You think you're freaked out? I just learned that Nico had a crush on me two years ago. Now he doesn't, in fact even I can't do anything straight.

And speaking about straight, Will wants to talk to you. He says he has a message for Crysta." Percy said.

"He's so gonna kill me." Xeris said.

"He seems quite calm to me,"

"You need to be calm if you need to shoot a death arrow." Xeris argued. And went for the door.

"I came here to ask a few questions about Cryst," Will began.

"Please don't kill me— wait. A few questions about Crysta. What for?" Xeris asked.

"I'm not mad. I'm not going to act like a drama queen just because Nico admitted his true feelings. I came to ask some questions because if she's going to Nico's girlfriend, I might need to know things about her." Will said.

"You're not breaking up with Nico, are you?" Xeris asked.

"No. He's confused, I can't blame him for that. I won't make him choose either. But if Crysta's supposed to be my co-more-than-a-friend, then she better meet my standards;

Question one; does she know anything about my father? I've been worried sick."

"She knows about your father, alright. She knows everything going on." I said.

"Where did you come from? I thought Nico just took you to camp," Will asked.

"I was able to recover from my makeshift stroke quicker than expected. Right now, your father's on his way to camp Jupiter with Jason's body. They have to find Rena because of a prophecy." I said

"Question two; WHAT PROPHECY? Tell me everything." Will asked.

I tried to remember it. They went through a lot to get that prophecy.

"Apollo faces death in Tarquin's tomb.

Unless the doorway to the soundless god

Is opened by

Bellona's Daughter."

"Question three; how did Jason die?" Will asked

"There's this member of the Triumvirate, Caligula. He had some magic boots Apollo had to steal, and Jason came along. Then he Piper got ambushed, trapped in a wind prison filled with celestial bronze bits, then Jason caused a huge explosion with his last bit of strength, and he died. Now they have to go back to camp Jupiter to save it from being destroyed by Caligula."

"How do you know about all this? I'm his son and I don't know anything."

"Actually—"

"Oh, right. Because you're a sky goddess. You should know about anything in the sky." Will said hopefully.

I didn't want to disappoint him by saying I read it in a book.

"Yeah. I heard it through the— skyvine." I said.

"Question four; can you describe Nico as hot?" Will said, Very, very seriously.

"No." I also said, very seriously

"Finally! Someone I can relate with. Question five; give Nico a nickname" Son of Shiny said.

"There are so many to choose from; Dark Angel, Not Too Grim Reaper, Thanatos's assistant, Weirdo, Significant Death, Giver of Heart Strokes, The Guy With The Stygian Iron Blade, Ghost King. What do YOU call him?"

"Ghost King makes sense. Question six; how do you feel with Nico?" Will asked

"I'll give you a breakdown:

When he's around me, even if it's a distance of like ten feet; minor headache.

When he's respectfully close to me; Oh my wyrd I'm gonna die.

When he's disrespectfuly close to me; can someone kill me before HE does?"

"Question seven; how did you feel when he danced with you?"

"The answer is awkward,." Xeris answered for me.

"I said Crysta, not you, and please describe exactly how you felt. I think I should become a doctor in the mortal world."

"I felt like I should've either fallen down and shattered, started crying, hugged him, or fainted." I said.

"Hmm. Question eight; is your hair naturally blue?"

"No. It was orange and I felt, "this is waay too bright". So I changed it to sky blue, not by dyeing it, just waving my hand over it. Do you want me to change the colour?" I asked.

"Pure black," Will said.

Can I say it's weird for a son of Apollo, god of the sun, to like black?

I did my hair change trick; (sorry girls, do not try this at home. I'm an over powered goddess/demigod of Zeus. You're most likely a simple mortal girl who likes fantasy comedy concerning Greek mythology.) I thought of the colour and smoothed my hands really close to my head.

"There. Any more questions?" I said.

"Tons. Question nine; what's your full name, or the name Xeris gave you?"

"This might take a while:

"Crystanabecca Iris Briseis Quexla Ramzeres of Ephedia. Bearer of the sword Xerxtis, The Wordly Avenger, Center Commander, Hermes Of Cryxeris The Reader, Girl of the Rainbow Hair." I said.

"Really?" I asked Xeris.

"You change your hair colour every five hours. You've got to be Girl Of the Rainbow Hair."

"Question ten; what does that mean?"

"The first part was my full worldly name. The second part has my titles, you know, game of thrones style. My sword's name is Xerxtis. I'm the wordly avenger because I will kill you in a flyting. I'm the center commander because if anything happens to Xeris, I have to take charge as her vice president. Hermes means herald, secretary and hitman of Xeris, and that's when I WANT to, like Halloween. I read a lot, and Xeris has pretty much explained why I'm Girl of the Rainbow Hair." I explained.

"Question eleven; do you love Nico?" Will asked.

"I don't think so," I said.

"But Nico said he loves you?" Will asked.

"Yeah?" I said.

This girl is magic, Will thought.

"Will you, like, dance with me?" Will asked awkwardly

"Um, why?" I said.

"I just want to. I also want to see what Nico saw in you," Will said.

"Kay." I replied.

Believe me, this is going to get crazy.

I made sure I got a different mp3 from the one me and Nico used the last time. I made it play Night Begins To Shine.

"When I look at you,

I see the story in your eyes.

When we're dancing,

The night begins to shine," The song said.

Will spun me around. I didn't look at him, because seriously.

(Ugh. Why do I have to tell them this? Just thinking about it makes me feel sick and light headed)

I almost tripped, then Shiny's Boy caught me. I was forced to look at this guy.

There was some kind of fire in his eyes when he looked at me. I gulped. This was obviously bad for my future.

And Shiny's Boy kissed me.

Yeesh. Ouch.

"What the hell?" Xeris said.

I tried my best to contain my shock. Then I listened closely and saw that the song changed to I Will Always Love You. And day changed to night. And the night began to shine.

"Oh, my, wyrd." I said.

"I may have gotten a glimpse of what happened between you and Nico." Will said embarrassed.

"That song was a fricking prophecy." I concluded.

Another thing that came true form that song; Will obviously had his mind made up— you know what? Just look for the lyrics. I can't say it.

"I now see what Nico saw in you. You're beautiful, and I want you now," he moved closer to me, pushing me to the wall with each second.

"Look, Brittany Spears!" I said.

He didn't turn around.

"Atalanta!"

Nothing.

I looked over his shoulder. "Nico?"

This time it was for real.

Will thought I was kidding.

"Will Solace!" Nico said.

I would've thought that that was Xeris, trying to save me from falling into a love triangle. Unfortunately, that wasn't Xeris. I felt a slight feeling of epileptic seizure.

"You weren't kidding.

"Nico, please, I'm sorry. I may have double crossed you —"

"My crystal, what happened?" Nico asked, concerned.

I simply replied by fainting.

I couldn't see them, but I heard them.

"What happened?" Will asked.

"She passed out again. Hmm, she's beautiful— I mean right. She was right that had she been mortal she would've died. Am I THAT creepy?"

-the whole fricking situation is creepy!– I said.

I felt auras of death and light moving closer to me. "Nico, I think we should talk." Will said.

"Go on," Nico permitted.

"I'm sorry if this hurt you—"

"really, you think this hurt me? I'm not even in the least bit hurt or surprised. I'm kinda happy," Nico said.

"You? Happy? Seriously, Briseris has changed you,"

"Briseris?"

"She has a long list of names and whatnot, she's also mesmerising— I mean, Girl of the Rainbow Hair."

-goddammit guys can you please stop talking about me and try and work this out?- I said really fast.

"Her hair is pure black now," Nico said.

"Ok. Crysta says we should talk about this situation.

"I love you, Will, but I also like Crysta. She's the only one who didn't see me as a major freak. She's calm—"

"Funny,"

"Caring,"

"Smart,"

"Non sentimental,"

"Beautiful." They both said.

"So it seems you've fallen for her too, significant annoyance?" Nico asked.

"I'm glad you noticed, Ghost King," Will said.

-aww, you guys are sô, cute. Can we forget you ever met me and live your lives together?- I tried.

A girl can dream, even though that girl is in a partial coma.

"We can never forget you." They both said.

-you could always try Lethe?- I said.

"Crysta, you helped me face my demons and tell Percy the truth about how I felt without crying or running away. I don't think I'll ever forget that. Ask for anything, I'll give it to you,"

-I'll remember that, possibly,- I said.

"And you also helped me find out about my dad. Thanks, and I'll also be in your debt,"

-which reminds me, Nico, Apollo isn't dead yet,- I said.

"But that possibility of death? Where—"

-shut up Dark Angel- I said.

"She's right, you know.

"So, what are we going to do about this both of us liking Crysta thing? It's confusing." Will said.

"I'm sure she doesn't know or love anyone of us enough to choose. So, Crysta, what are you suggesting?"

-this is totally off the top of my head, but let's see. Seven days in a week, three of those days I have to be with Xeris. Two of those days I have to do a bit of investigation. On the other two days I'm free. Meaning what we COULD do is give one of you any of those days. Do you understand, Ghost King and Phaeton?-

"Yes. I love you," they both said, and kissed me on the cheek.

It seemed they left. And so did Xeris.

It's ya girl Quora. As in The informant

Annabeth seemed to be getting suspicious.

Percy's been following Xeris around like some kind of bodyguard. He never cared THAT much for her.

Confronting him outright about it wouldn't help. He'd never tell her the truth, if that was what's going on. But Annabeth thought that maybe Xeris cast some kind of spell on Percy that made him fall for her.

(Oh, gurl, I REALLY wish you were right.)

She decided to ask Xeris instead. She'd first try civilized reasoning, and if she still refuses to remove the spell, then she'll hand her over to Ares cabin.

(That is low, btw.)


	38. Zeus tries again

Zeus Tries Again.

It's Crysta again. Trust me, you won't see Quora for a long time.

"Father, I've come to complain about Percy Jackson," Dionysus said.

Zeus was sitting on his throne, daydreaming about lightning bolts, when his whiny wine child showed up.

"Dionysus, what's the problem?" Zeus whined.

"Perseus has been hogging all the time I could've had with Xeris! He keeps saying they have important business, Xeris might try to complain, but he drags her—"

"Percy? Drag my princess? You know what? Let me find them." Zeus thundered. And he made his way to camp Half-blood

"Don't you think Annabeth's getting suspicious?" I asked Xeris.

"Is she?" Xeris said

"Yes, but not very. For now she wants to blame it on magic. How are those sessions with Hades?" I asked.

"Shit, I forgot I have to deal with this guy," Xeris swore.

She just wanted to get up when she heard "princess? My princess, where are you?" Zeus said.

"What's up with the weird nicknames?" I said.

"Right here, Thunderhead," Xeris said.

Zeus had some kind of worried expression. Weird. Usually the guy was glowering, even with Xeris, just that his expression softened a lot. Now the guy looked threatened.

"Cryxeris, are you ok? Did Percy Jackson do anything to hurt you? How do you feel? Do you want to go anywhere?" Zeus burst into a tirade of questions.

"Yes no ok yes. Yes, I'm okay. No, Percy didn't do anything to me. Yes, I'm off to the underworld." Xeris answered.

"Why the heck are you here?" Xeris asked.

"Why are you suddenly very concerned?" I asked.

"Can't a father be concerned for his daughter anymore?" Zeus said.

Looking back on it, if I had realized sooner what this guy was thinking, I would've blocked his path and cut off his head.

I did not see what was coming.

Zeus looked into Xeris's eyes, and she fell unconscious.

"Father, why?" I asked.

He, of course, didn't listen.

He then stroked Xeris's hair.

"I'm a Barbie girl,

In a Barbie world.

Life in plastic,

It's fan tastic.

You can brush my hair,

Undress me everywhere.

Imagination

Is your creation." I said.

(I was desperate for a distraction ok?)

"You dare sing Barbie Girl when I'm in the middle of something?"

Barbie Girl is basically Xeris's most hated song, next to anything by JoJo Siwa. I sang it to wake her up.

She woke up full of hate.

"WHO THE FUCK THINKS THEY CAN SING BARBIE GIRL TO ME AND I'LL BE OKAY WITH IT?"

"I didn't do it!" Me and Zeus said.

"Cyrene, princess of Xeris!"

CUE TRANSFORMATION SEQUENCE.

I know what you're thinking; she used Mnemosyne the last time, now she's calling herself Cyrene?

Xeris's full name is Cryxeris Tribecca Qrncea Delemadus Mnosenye Cyrene Calypso Sanchez of Xeris. First of her name. (I know, ouch.) Daughter of lightning, The Stormborn, Wielder Of Kalasor, Of the Dragon Flame and Acid Tongue, Confidant to Khaleesi, Loved by wine, ocean, fire, lightning, war, and the Son of the Sea. Of the many forms, Mother of the Amazon.

I know, my part time job as a herald must suck. But my point is that she can choose anyone she wants.

Back to reality; Xeris lifted her sword to our necks.

"Tell me the truth, or it's bye bye birdie," Xeris said.

"Zeus somehow made you fall unconscious and wanted to make out with you, so I had to wake you up to avoid that. Please don't kill me!" I begged.

Xeris was obviously contemplating killing Zeus now.

"Fine. Crysta, get Nico, today we're teaching Hades how to treat his children." Xeris commanded and turned to Zeus.

"As for you, if I kiss you will you leave me alone for a while?" Xeris asked irritated.

"Yes. I will." Zeus said

Then she kissed him. He drew her back when she wanted to leave. Then she raised her sword to his lips.

"Stay away, or I'll completely disfigure you." Xeris said. She'd already caused some ichor to bleed from his upper lip. Then she left.

"Someday, Xeris, I will have you to myself. And you'll love me forever." Zeus said and flashed back to Olympus.


	39. Nico, Why?

I Almost Pass Out.

"Yo— no, no, no." I said to Nico.

Ouch. This sucks.

The guy wasn't wearing a shirt.

I shut the door, backed it, and shut my eyes.

"Dude, I'm going to try and say this as calmly as possible; put on a shirt so we can leave. We're going to see your father." I said, obviously freaked out. I even got a fracking twitch in my eye.

"Why?" Nico asked.

"We're teaching Hades how not to be a deadbeat dad. You're the nearest we've got. Please hurry up before I pass out for the third time today." I begged.

"No. Come in." Nico said, very serious.

"What's up Crysta?" Will asked.

"Your boyfriend isn't wearing a shirt! Please go talk to him. I'm off to get a drink." I said and ran out of there faster than you can say Vanaheim.

"Would you ever cheat on me?" Annabeth asked Percy.

Of course I am, Percy thought. "No," he lied.

After taking that drink, I reported to Xeris and was given orders to check out Percy and Annabeth.

"Then explain why you're following Xeris around." Annabeth said angrily.

"I've told you—"

"Enough with the family matter thing! She can take care of it herself! I have a boyfriend to keep." Annabeth said and burst into tears.

Percy was really feeling he should cut and run, when he saw me.

Ugh, he thought, and moved closer to Annabeth.

"Who's my jealous little Wise Girl?" Percy asked.

"I— I am," Annabeth said softly.

"I can't hear you. Who's my jealous little Wise Girl?" Percy asked again.

"I am. I'M your Wise Girl. She doesn't even stand a chance!" Annabeth said.

She does, by a lot, Percy thought.

"Feeling better now?" Percy asked, annoyed.

I shot him a warning look.

"Of course you don't. Come here," Percy said with forced affection.

Annabeth cried a lot.

"I love you, Percy. I don't want some Zeus princess coming between us. Promise me you'll stop following her around." Annabeth cried.

"I—"

I made a "kill you" gesture.

"I promise I'll stop following her around," Percy yelped.

"Thank you," Annabeth said, and kissed our hero on the cheek.

I knew far too well that that still didn't clear up Annabeth's suspicions. But I didn't have time to analyze that. Xeris and Nico were ready.


	40. Papa Pia

Papa Pia

Xeris made a quick call to Hades, and one huge hole later, we were in the throne room.

"Hello, Nico," Hades said.

"Hello, Father," Nico replied.

"Yo, Hades." Xeris said.

For some reason, Xeris brought an MP3.

"What are we dealing with today?" Hades asked

"First ask your son how he's been for the past year now." Xeris commanded.

"Nico, you look happier. Why?" Hades asked.

"I was about to ask you the same thing," Nico said seriously.

Yes. Nico and Hades seemed in better spirits than usual. But Nico was standing ridiculously close to me.

"Who's this girl? I thought you were dating that Apollo child, Will Solace. Did you break up?" Hades said.

"I'm still going out with him, Father. But this Crysta Briseis, my—"

"Therapist!" I said . I didn't want him saying anything stupid like—

"Girlfriend." Nico finished.

"Dude, seriously?" I complained.

"Does Will know you're—"

"Yes, he knows. But it's not cheating. I'm dating both of them now." Nico said with a tinge of resentment. It seems he didn't like explaining his sexuality to his father because, obvi?

"Ok you two, break it up. Let's dance!" Xeris suggested.


	41. Dark Angel Becomes Apollo

Dark Angel Becomes Apollo

Xeris brought the magic MP3.

"What do you say is wrong with it?" Xeris asked.

"Watch," Me and Nico said. Then he put the song to Katy Perry's Roar. Then the song changed to Fitoor.

"AWESOME!" Xeris said and changed the song to Shape Of You.

The song was completely relatable to the things I didn't want Nico to do.

"Boy, let's not talk too much. Grab on my waist and put that body on me. Come on and follow my lead. Come on and follow my lead. Mhmmhmm."

Nico took that literally. I mean, ouch.

Dark Angel lifted me as if I were a ballerina in my finishing more.

To make matters worse, Xeris was looking like "Say what now?". Hades's jaw dropped as if to say He's serious?

Once he dropped me, I tried to leave. But he obviously wasn't done humiliating me, so he drew me back.

"I'm tryna move forward but you keep pushing me back wards," I said

The song shifted to In My Feelings. And Nico did some kind of Remix.

"Siri, do you love me? Are you riding? Say you'll never ever leave from beside me. Cause I love you. And I need you. And I'm down for you most of the time." Nico sang.

Siri as in Briseis.

I'm sure he knows that song from the many people that died from it that year.

The magic mp3 shifted to Not A Love Song.

"Yep. This makes sense." I said

"I love the way you do the things you do the things you love—"

"But this is not a love song. Not a love song." I said.

"I love the way you get me and correct me when I'm wrong," Nico said.

"But this is not a love song." I completed.


	42. 42

Nico'll Be Coming At Me "Like A Dark Horse"

Just when I thought I could've had faith in that mp3.

The song shifted to Dark Horse.

I liked that song. And so did Nico.

"Are you ready for— ready for," he sang

"A perfect storm — perfect storm," I continued .

"Cause once you're mine— once you're mine," He said, very seriously. Like, Very.

I looked at the idiot.

Bang bang bang bang bang,

"There's no going back." we both said. Then this particular idiot put his lips to my mouth.

Xeris, HELP! I thought.I felt like I was going into an epileptic blackout.

Anubis then ran his fracking hands through my hair. Quite a difficult job as my hair is at least four feet long. But still, weird!

Xeris drew her sword but Hades gave her a look like, I got this.

"Nicolas Di Angelo, let Crysta go," Hades commanded.

Nico completely ignored him.

"Yep. My turn," Xeris said and pulled me outta that.

It took me ten seconds to halfway compose myself to speak.

"N-Nico Di Angelo, w-why the heck did you do that? D-d-do you want me to pass out a-again?" I stammered.

"Because I love you," Nico said seriously.

"Then I propose a challenge; if you can defeat Quexla at swordplay, then you can have her for the rest of today and a bit of tomorrow. If you lose, then you'll have to stay away from her for today and tomorrow.


	43. Why Me?

Why Me?

I wish I could tell you that I beat Dark Angel and went all like; in yo FAYCE!

But I lost. Horribly.

I didn't even last two minutes before Nico flung my sword out of my hand and came forward to claim me.

"I thought you were only pretty alright at swordplay!" We all said.

"Well, I did have my eyes on the prize, right?" Nico said and swept me off my feet. And we disappeared into the shadows.

Qrynea will be talking for now. I was waay too drunk to remember what happened with Hades and Xeris.

"Your son is weird," Xeris commented.

"Aren't you going to save your friend?" Hades asked.

"I really wish I could, but unfortunately I'm a goddess of judgement and law, meaning if Nico won fairly, I can't do anything." Xeris said sadly.

"At least you're doing a better job than Zeus," Hades said.

A moment of awkward silence passes.

"So— I guess today's session is over?" Hades asked.

"Yep." Xeris replied.

"And about that mp3, I think I've seen it before," Hades said and walked towards it.

He flipped it over and went like "aha!"

"What's the matter?" Xeris asked.

Hades handed the mp3 to her.

There were a series of Greek letters on it

Ἀφροδίτη

"Aphrodite?" Xeris said.

"Yes. Hephaestus made it for her so it would never play anything other than love songs. I brought it here one time — for me and Persephone…." Hades said sadly.

"Dude, quit crying over that flowerbrain! For a supposed goddess of spring she's pretty harsh. I'm sure you're trying to improve because of her, but come on! You only see her like half the year and I'm sure she won't really care. Improve yourself for you, not that snake child." Xeris ordered.

She's technically right. As Quora said, Zeus's stupidity and disgustingness knew no blood ties, so he forced Demeter into becoming a snake, then he turned into a snake, and one goddess pregnancy later, we have Persephone.

"Anyway, Buenos noches—"

And Hades kissed Xeris.

I know, ouuuuuuuuuuch!

"Ohh kay. I see your confidence training finally paid off," Xeris said nervously. "Àdiôs!"

Hades didn't think that there would be consequences for his actions, but he didn't care about what Persephone would think. And he wasn't deluded like that one time with Minthe. His thoughts were very clear. And he thought of only one thing.

"Cerberus, get back to work!"

Just kidding.

"I love you, Xeris." Hades said to himself and went off to, somewhere.

NOW it's a love heptagon.


	44. Tales Of The Ghost King

Tales of the Ghost King

Crysta again.

Nico collapsed on the sofa of the, where ever that place was.

The best I can describe it is a club/karaoke bar/hotel restaurant.

"Sorry if my cousin is acting so weird. Five hundred dollars if you don't breathe a word about what just happened," I said to the waiter next to us.

"Can you please bring me a bottle of liquor, extra strong, with a cheese sandwich? And for this dude here, some Cesar salad with pomegranates. And water. The alcohol's for me," I said to some other waiter.

I fed Nico some ambrosia.

"With great power—"

"Comes great need to take a nap. I fricking get it. You are so weird." I said.

Have I ever told you how this guy looked?

Because seriously, I couldn't before.

I can't even look at him without fainting. But for some reason I could now. He looked like Marc Anicel from Miraculous Ladybug without the lipstick. He also wore dark clothes, had dark brown eyes, and wore a skull ring.

"Let me just tell you the truth, Anubis, you are the weirdest person alive," I said after half a bottle of vodka. Straight. As in without taking any little breaks or slowing down.

When I'm drunk, I become an eccentric, very hyper talkative teenage girl. I also develop short term amnesia.

"I've been told that several times, but why do you think so? And who's Anubis?" Nico asked.

"I'm saying that because your— ugh! I can't easily summarize this. But really, have you killed any ring dragons recently? Because your wyrd is seriously messed up. First your father is an antisocial wreck. Next Zeus killed your mother on the principle of being a donkey hole. Then Hades took you to lotus casino where more than seventy years passed, meaning that you're technically more than eighty years old.

"You travelled far away from that Helheim and went to Westover Hall where you became a cute little myth geek and your vice principal was a manticore. You were saved by the one and only Perseus Jackson. And that's how you fell in love with him.

"later on he made a promise to keep your sister safe after she became a Hunter and left you to find Annabeth. When he comes back he tells you she's dead but hey, she left you a statue. And you're like, "Why Percy? How dare you break your promise? You killed her!" You then run away to the underworld to go sulk. While your sulking you meet the evil Minos who teaches you how to use your powers and hold grudges.

"You defeat Minos and claim the title of Ghost King. You decide to forgive Percy because deep inside you still loved him. Everything after that is quite a blur, but when everybody was trying to defeat Gaia you were switching from camp to camp because you wanted to, getting into a death trance because a few giants trapped you in a bronze jar, subtly breaking up with your hetro life partner, and transporting a statue as a peace offering. You fall in love with Will Solace, a shining bright Apollo camper who is obviously your complete opposite. That's how you almost completely forgot about Percy and moved on.

"Now you're sitting with me, your shared half girlfriend who can't even look at you without the influence of alcohol." I finished.

"How do you know that much?" Nico asked.

"Honestly, I don't remember.

"Rainbow? When did you get here?" I asked drunkenly.

"First it's Anubis, now it's Rainbow?" Nico said

"Marc Anicel. LITERALLY translating to Marc Rainbow. You look a lot like him," I said . My vision was whack.

"Meaning you've looked at me recently?" Nico asked surprised.

"I'm drunk, remember?" I said with a laugh.

"How was I supposed to know alcohol is magic?" Nico said.


	45. I Get Bitch Slapped By A Flower Girl

I Get Bitch-Slapped By An Underworld Flower Girl.

That's enough Qrynea. Xeris here.

I know, shocker, right? But this is a particular part that I don't want anybody else writing.

I went back to camp after that "incident" and collapsed on my bed.

I'm in big trouble, I thought.

Now the lord of the dead like-likes me. Ouch.

I didn't want to end up like Leuke, turned into a poplar tree because of a jealous wife. And I totally didn't want to be in a Minthe kind of romance where he's like, "What the hell? I'm not supposed to be doing this. Peace out! " And I'M the one that has to face the consequences.

In conclusion, if you're a side chick for Hades, You as good as T to the O to the A-S-T. I mean, ask Maria Di Angelo.

I was just about in dreamland when I felt a painful bitch-slap.

I opened my eyes to see a Barbie Girl with an angry look. She looked a lot like Tanu from Kumkum Bahgya

"You stole my life!" Tanu raged.

"As far as I can remember, I haven't stolen anything for the past ever," I said .

"You beotch. Do you know how lucky you are? You are as powerful as an Olympian. You have almost all the male Olympian gods fighting for you. You have MY mother's heart. And worst of all, you have the lord of the dead, my husband, falling for you!" Barbie Girl said.

"Seriously? You should know that I can't take your husband. I'm just a therapist—"

"NO! He loves you. He said it himself. Do you know what would happen if I lost him? I'd mean nothing! My whole life is centered on our drama. And that garden he planted in my honour, how would I want to leave that.

"No. You have to go. You have to die, or at least go far away from Hades."

"Wait, you're not afraid of losing Hades, but you "can't possibly lose your precious garden. And your underworld flower girl status." You know what? You don't deserve it." I snapped.

"How can I NOT deserve it? I'm the most beautiful girl in forever! Mother loves me. Hades is blinded by my beauty. I was the perfect girl. Until you showed up and— damn it! You will never see the light of day again! You will have a fate worse than death! I will punish you myself!" Persephone said and almost hit me. Someone held her hand.

"Leave my daughter alone!" Zeus said.

"Father, stay away from this!" Persephone said.

"Xeris, run!" Zeus warned.

"No. I have to stay and fight. I'm not some Barbie Girl who waits for some man to save me," I said.

"Father! I'm your daughter! You're supposed to support—"

"Stop talking before I lose my temper and leave you for the underworld forever. You are selfish and deluded. I should've never let Demeter spoil you this much. You must promise that you will never try to eliminate my daughter again, or else I'll make the narcissisus flower go out of existence," Zeus threatened.

"Fine! I promise on the river Styx! What ever!" Persephone said and ran away crying.

"Thunderhead! Thank you so—"

Yeah, I got Theophaned. Thunderhead kissed me.

"That's (disgusting) all the thanks I need, Cryxeris. Goodbye," Zeus said and left.

What did I say?

OOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWCH!


	46. Anubis Plays Dare Or Dare With White Rus

Anubis Plays Dare Or Dare With White Russians

Meaning you haven't drunk alcohol before?" I asked , shocked.

"Is that a bad thing?" Nico asked.

"Umm mah god. Waiter, give this weirdo a white Russian!" I said.

"I dare you to play dare or dare!" I blurted.

"What for?" Nico questioned. He poured his drink behind his back.

"It's not like I can make you do what I want." Nico said disappointed.

"I will. I promise. But for every dare you have to take a drink." I said full of hindsight.

"Ok then. Do you have anything to say before we start?" Nico asked.

"I dare you to say "Black, claws out!""

"Weird choice of dare but fine.

"Black, claws out!" Nico said, and I gave him a Cat Noir outfit.

"this is weird," Nico said.

"Dude, YOU'RE weird," I replied.

"You keep talking about Miraculous Ladybug. So I dare you to turn into a black Ladybug." Nico said.

"Is that all you've got?

"Tiki, spots on!" I said.

Then I changed into an inverse Ladybug jumpsuit. I also changed my hair from black to red.

Nico's jaw dropped.

"Two White Russians please?" I said to a nearby waiter.

Nico still poured the drink behind his back.

"I dare you to— no. You won't be able to do this." Nico said.

"I'll do anything!" I said.

"No. You can't do this." Nico said sadly.

"Of course I will!" I defied.

"Ok then. I dare you to praise me," Nico said slyly.

"Really?" I said. As in seriously. That was a big deal? I'm a fricking herald!

"I told you—"

"Sing, o muse, of Nicolas Di Angelo, the dark angel of the Stygian Iron Blade. He who is almost equal to Anubis. Ambassador of Hades. The once born twice lived. Reaper of the soul of Daedalus. Commander of Diocletan's Army. Of the Death Breath. The Ghost King. Father of Mythomagic." I said.

A round of applause for me everybody.

"Rise, Briseis of the rainbow hair." Nico said in a kingly tone.

"As you wish, my king,"

"Ladies and gentlemen, we dedicate this song to the couple in table nineteen. I give you, I Think About You." An announcer said.

WE were on table nineteen.

"Dance with me," Nico ordered.

I danced like an overpaid actress.

"I think about you, every morning when I open my eyes.

I think about you, every evening when I turn off the lights.

You're on my mind. Yeah yeah, it's true.

I think about you,"

Every body was watching us. Then I realized that it was not a DJ. It was Austin Moon himself!

Nico stopped. "I dare you to —"

Can I change the chapter name to 'I Make The Biggest Mistake Of My Life'?

Because I did, by the way.

I kissed Nico. And that was obviously the alcohol's fault. Then my body did the smart thing and passed out. The not so smart thing is that I passed out in Nico's arms.


	47. The rise of Xercy

The Rise Of Xercy.

Sydney here.

Yes, I'm the only one with an English name here.

Percy knocked on Xeris's door.

"We need to talk," Percy said.

"Crysta told me about the promise you made to Annabeth. You're keeping it, right?" Xeris asked.

"Only if you keep yours.

"The reason I've been following you is that we never have any time together. You're either with Thunderhead—"

"Yuck," Xeris said.

"Or Dioscuri, or some other guy." Percy finished.

"So what are you suggesting? I want to sleep." Xeris complained.

"Follow me," Percy said.

He took her to his cabin and she saw the whole place done up.

"ok. Wow." Xeris said.

"Better than last time, right?" Percy asked.

"Yep." Xeris said.

Percy directed her to one the beds. He sat opposite her.

"So, anything going on today?" Percy inquired.

"You know, the usual. I got slapped by Persephone. I also got Theophaned by Thunderhead. A bit before that, Hades kissed me. Like, ouch. That guy's crazy." Xeris said.

"Yeah. Tell me about it." Percy said and waited.

"Oh. You mean literally.

"Me and Crico—"

"Crico? Why are you combining their names?" Percy asked.

"Wait, you don't know? Nico and Crysta are— in a situation. Nico fell for Crysta at the party. Will fell for her when he interrogated her. Nico and Will decided to share Crysta's— whatever she's feeling for them— and still be in a relationship. Therefore she's their half girlfriend." Xeris explained.

Percy's mouth hung open as if she told him to read every word in a very long Shakespeare book with no mistakes.

"I know. Weird right?" Xeris asked.

"That kid is too weird for his own good." Percy said.

"I kid you not that I didn't see this coming. I thought he was either going to end up gay or alone. Not even with cats."

"You remember that time when he confessed his feelings at the party? I was only two percent shocked. That last time at the Argo II, that was harsh. His voice was guarded as if bottling up his emotions. He didn't even look at me. And Hazel's such a social person."

"So I was explaining the Hades thing right?

"We went to the underworld earlier today. Hades just continuously asked questions about Crysta. I had to break up the impending fight. So we danced to this mp3 that changed songs out of nowhere—"

Xeris explained that whole day with Hades and Percy hung on to her every word.

"Hey, why is it that you dance with Hades, but won't dance with me? I have a right to that, at least," Percy said.

"Where are my manners? Shall we dance, Perseus?" Xeris said in her British accent. And they got up to dance.

Er My God. Annabeth had a serious case of Heranjitus.

She was worried that Xeris would find a loophole and still get Percy to her. In fact, there were a lot of loop holes she could use. Annabeth told Percy to stop following Xeris, not stop seeing her. Or maybe Xeris could follow Percy instead. Or they can be at the same place and— no, Annabeth thought. Percy could never do that.

But what if he did? Her brain said. You've got to get proof.

Annabeth decided to look for Percy. If Percy wasn't in his cabin, but Xeris was in hers, then good. If they were in their separate cabins, better. If one was in another's cabin, bad. If they were by the river— it's straight to Tartarus for you, Xeris Sanchez.

Percy and Xeris stopped dancing. Xeris was very tired.

"We should've stopped five minutes ago! But of course you just had to go for like, three encores." Xeris complained.

"It was a good song," Percy said.

"Yeah. A Million Dreams. Whatever." Xeris said.

Xeris laid on the bed she was sitting on. Percy didn't even look the least bit tired.

"Um, Xeris? I have something to ask you," Percy said.

"Ok." Xeris replied.

(This shit's about to get real.)

Percy knelt near Xeris's bed. Xeris had to sit up. "I know it's only been a few dates, but we know a lot about each other already. You know all about me, and a heck lot of people have said weird stuff about you. I love you, Xeris, and I wish I met you sooner— "

"Cut, the sympathetic confession crap and ask the fricking question," Xeris said.

"Okay. Will you marry me?" Percy asked!

(Percabeth fans gonna be all like; Hell to the no No NO!)

Xeris promptly passed out.

"Princess? Did I say anything wrong?" Percy asked.

"Percy? Open the door," Annabeth called.

It seemed Xeris's poetry has been rubbing off on our hero.

"Coming," Percy said. He carried Xeris into a far away bed and put blankets over her.

He walked towards the door.

"What took you so long?" Annabeth asked

"You just got here five minutes ago," Percy said nervously.

"It would've taken me five minutes to break down the door and catch you cheating on me with some Aphrodite girl," Annabeth retorted.

She let herself in and proceeded to search through the room.

"What are you looking for?" Percy asked.

"Where are you, you coward?" Annabeth called.

Annabeth got to the bed Percy put Xeris.

"You can't search there!" Percy said quickly.

Annabeth frowned. "Why?"

"Because— that place has— spiders! Spiders are all over the place," Percy tried.

"You gave this place a glow up and you forgot to get rid of the spiders? Am I supposed to believe that?" Annabeth said angrily.

Annabeth pulled the blankets to see, " Modern architecture books?"

"Surprise?" Percy said.

"Percy, how could you? You bought me all these? Why did you make me suspect you were cheating?" Annabeth asked emotionally.

Where the heck is Xeris? Percy thought.

"I wanted to surprise you?" Percy said.

"You're the best boyfriend ever!" Annabeth yelled and tackled Percy in a hug.

"Yes I am," Percy yelped.


	48. To All You Soap Opera Fans

Crysta: To All You Soap Opera Fans.

I woke up wrapped in a comfortable Will Solace.

"What the— Get up!" I said and tried to wriggle away from him, but that idiot held on tighter than Salmacis.

I also found that my head was on Nico's chest. He was still wearing his Cat Noir outfit. My bad.

"Wake up you two!" I said. I hit my head on Nico's chest and thrashed in Will's embrace.

Nico woke up immediately, but Will wasn't budging.

"So your up?" Nico asked

"Nope. Right now I'm in the underworld and you're trying to judge my soul. Of course I'm up. Obvi! What the hell happened here?" I asked him.

"You passed out after that dance. You know, the one where YOU kissed ME instead of me forcing you?" Nico said and smiled smugly.

"Shut up, Dark Angel. I was drunk, a lot of people were watching us, I had no choice. Now help me out with this," I said.

"So you did it because you felt it was right?" Nico asked while trying to remove Will.

"How am I supposed to know? " I said.

I could look at him better now. His cat ears were somehow cute.

"What's the problem? You gave me this outfit and I can't take it off." Nico said.

"Well I'm here now, right? Ask politely and I'll consider changing it back." I said .

I didn't know he was just going to make that bite me back later.

"Lovely Crysta-Annabecca Briseis Di Angelo, please get me out of this costume." Nico said.

I brought a ring and gave it a tiny stat boost.

"Proposing already? I just met you two days ago," Nico said.

"That's Will's job. This ring will help you transform back into Cat Noir when you want to. Just say your usual "Black, claws out!" And BAM." I said.

"How do I change back?" Nico asked.

"Black, claws in," I said.

Nico wore his ring. "Black, claws in."

He changed into his regular clothes.

"Did you put this guy in a death trance?" I asked.

"A death trance doesn't leave you with this much energy. It seems he thinks you're a teddy bear." Nico explained.

"Baby?" Will said in his sleep.

"You have got to be kidding me— WAKE YOUR SHINY ASS UP, WILLIAM SOLACE DI ANGELO!" I shouted.

Nothing.

"Dude, we're just engaged to be engaged to be engaged to be engaged, and you're giving him my last name?" Nico said.

"You started it. And it seems I have to try out my godly mind reading powers to see what the heck this guy's dreaming about." I said.

I concentrated, and found myself in a very unfamiliar room.

I do not want to repeat what I saw. It's too terrifying. But let's just say it involved me and Will. Alone.

"Don't you just love this place? Peace and quiet, and the whole place to ourselves." Will said.

"I just like the place. But I love you."

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesh! I thought.

"I love you more," Will said.

"Obviously not more than Nico." Dream Me said.

I tried to back out of the dream, but you know those soap operas that you want to stop watching but then you suddenly change your mind to see what happens next? That was technically what happened.

"If Nico hadn't proposed before I did—"

Hold up, hold up, hold up. Proposed? No fricking way. I thought.

"You can't blame yourself, Phaethon. And remember, I haven't even replied yet." Dream me consoled.

"But how are we going to tell him about the baby?" Will asked.

That's it!

I walked right up to Will Solace and slapped that son of a Naomi in the face.

"What the heck?" Will said when we finally got out of dream land.

He nursed his cheek where I slapped him.

"Nico Di Angelo, I kid you not that that was the worst dream in history." I said.

"But—"

"NO buts. It's one of those dreams that will and should only be dreams. And if you dare tell any of that to your boyfriend over here, I will smack you back to Chaos." I said.

"What's so bad about this dream? Did you get eaten by Typhon? Kicked out of camp? Did you dream about Apollo again? Or me?" Nico asked.

"Apart from the you part, all that times fifty. That's how bad it is. We need to talk, Will Solace." I said and dragged Will out of bed.


	49. Love Pot-Roast

Quora; Aphrodite gets roasted.

Ahh. Back to me.

After Hephaestus summoned Xeris to Olympus, he laid her on a couch.

She looks too beautiful for me, Hephaestus thought. She was Aphrodite, he was, well, him; a depressed blacksmith with serious hair growth issues.

Ever since she kissed him the last time, Hephaestus couldn't go a whole five minutes without thinking about Xeris. She understood him, she looked past his appearance and told him what he could do. She gave Aphrodite a taste of her own medicine without thinking of the consequences, and just to defend him.

Seriously, Aphrodite's consequences can be HARSH. We all know about that one time with Psyche. Then there was Myrrah, who suffered the for her mother's boasting and got a serious case of Electra complex. Then there's Hippomenes and Hippolytus. And a few others.

Speaking of consequences; Dionysus was the one who sent Hephaestus to get Xeris so she could escape Annabeth's wrath.

I'm sure you're like, "Coward. Can't he just get her by himself?" But for one, Dionysus was very angry, and that meant bad things. He didn't want Xeris to see him as a bad person just because he killed her prospective suitor.

Secondly; He was also very, very drunk. Since the party he took at least three bottles of wine for every guy Xeris hung out with. He finally accumulated thirty bottles in less than two days. He couldn't just go to Xeris looking, smelling and acting over intoxicated.

Hephaestus said he would do that. What he didn't say is that he might do something else.

Big yikes. And I don't even mean what all you dirty minded people are thinking.

He wanted to marry her. And that's waay worse.

"Marry her? How would you want to marry her when your married a Chiquita like moi?" Aphrodite said, flaunting herself.

Hephaestus frowned. "We technically divorced after that incident with the golden net."

"They just returned your gifts to you. There was no legal contract, no signed papers, and other boring stuff like that," Aphrodite said.

"Oh, so now you want to prove we're married? Then I say we're not!"

"Never! I'm the most beautiful goddess of all, you can't just leave me for this newly improved wannabe!"

"Why? You said you would gladly leave me for Ares as soon as he learns how to make jewelry."

"Because—" Aphrodite started. Why didn't she want him to leave her? He was blocking her from marrying her macho man. And she was embarrassed by him because, duh? Limping, ugly blacksmith.

Aphrodite decided to say what she knew Hephaestus has always wanted to hear. "Because I love you, and I don't see a reason we should be apart,"

Hephaestus doubled over laughing. "Oh, say that again, this time less lying." He said and still laughed.

"I mean what I said alright!" Aphrodite said.

She didn't even know if she was lying. She thought she only liked him for the jewelry and other things he made her. But she also appreciated that he helped her when she needed it, like that weaving contest with Athena.

"I'm going to marry her, and that's it. You can do whatever you want after that." Hephaestus said.

"I'm the goddess of marriage, I forbid it! And you should know that Dionysus would never allow it." Aphrodite said.

"He somehow owes me for that incident that led to Priapus." Hephaestus pointed out.

Priapus is some god of gardens and whatever. He's so ugly you can't believe he's a child of Dionysus and Aphrodite. I'm sure Aphrodite Hephaestused that guys butt the minute she saw him.

"Oh really? I thought you said you forgave him for that incident." Dionysus said after appearing out of nowhere.

"What do you plan to do with my queen?I just got up two minutes ago." Dionysus said calmly.

"Are you going to tell him or should I?" Aphrodite snickered.

Xeris picked that moment to wake up.

"Wh—what's g—going on here?" Xeris said weakly.

"My jewel, how are you?" Hephaestus asked.

Dionysus stared at him coldly.

"Lord Hephaestus, as you can see I am suffering from minor cephalalgia and an afterglow. I do not have the appropriate reasoning or the stamina to retort to such petty sobriquets," Xeris said. She can become quite a professor when she's angry.

"As I can recall, before I was transported here by deity travel I was inebriated and having an interlocution with Perseus where he asked me a frivolous question that I shall not repeat. It seems that I quealed from fatigue, excessive alcohol and astonishment. Now I was roused by your squabbling and I demand an elucidation." Xeris said seriously.

Dionysus and Hephaestus laughed.

"You are so weird," Dionysus said.

"What do you suggest is abnormal about my behavior, Lord Dionysus?" Xeris asked.

"Can I say something here? I was just about explaining what's going on until this wannabe woke up." Aphrodite said

"Then proceed with your attempt to clarify this set-up," Xeris said.

"Hephaestus wants to marry you, Xeris." Aphrodite said calmly.

Dionysus was abou close to driving Hephaestus insane.

"Hold up Wine dude. I'll talk to him," Xeris said and stood up.

"Dragon father, speak up." Xeris said.

Hephaestus wasn't afraid. He didn't really care if Dionysus drove him crazy or decided to turn him into a dolphin. (though really, I would.) He just wanted Xeris.

"I know this is sudden and strange, but will you be my wife, Cryxeris Tribecca Sanchez, Princess of Xeris?" Hephaestus asked.

"Oh, I pity anybody you have to propose to in the future." Xeris said.

"Why? That was blunt and straight forward, wasn't it?" Hephaestus said.

"But that's me, not some girly girl who wants her proposal to be "dreamy" and "unforgettably romantic". " Xeris said.

"So what should I say? I'm not all that good with—"

"Organic lifeforms? That's obvious. Hera really made you in her image didn't she. Now, you be, let's say Aphrodite? And I be you." Xeris suggested.

Hephaestus glared at Aphrodite for three whole seconds.

Then he spoke in a high pitched stereotypical teenager's voice; "Um my gods I'm Aphrodite, you know, goddess of beauty and love and whtevar! I'm, like, the most beautiful person in forever! And, like who are you? Grr-rooss! You're not like, worthy of me. I mean, how can that get married to this?"

"No fair! I say like, like, three times in like one sentence!" Xeris mocked and they burst out laughing.

Dionysus was obviously jealous. He didn't want to be a third wheel. So he does what every jealous boyfriend does when they're at their weakest hour.

"Ooh, I'm the goddess of love and beauty and whatever who loses brain cells every time I don't wear make up."

"I'm still here, by the way!" Aphrodite said.

"Yeah. Back to business." Xeris said.

"What would I do without your smart mouth?

Drawing me in and you kicking me out?

You've got my head spinning,

No kidding.

I can't, Pin you down.

What's going on in that beautiful mind?

I'm on your magical mystery ride.

And I'm soo dizzy,

Don't know what hit me,

I won't, be alright.

Until you accept my token and be my wife."

"you're crazy!" Hephaestus said

"And I'm out of my mind.

"Cause all of me,

Loves all of you.

Love your curves and all your edges.

All your perfectly perfect perfections.

Give your all to me,

I'll give my all to you.

You're my end and my beginning.

Even when I lose I'm winning." Xeris said and offered her hand to Hephaestus. Boys being boys, he took it.

And they danced.

"Cause I give you all, all, all, of me.

I'll also make, you, a lot, of jewelry." Xeris sang.

"Did you say jewelry?!" Hephaestus said.

"Marry me, Aphrodite, and you shall have the finest jewelry in the pantheon. I shall make what you wish, if you promise—"

"To love me forever." They both said.

That's it, Dionysus thought.

"What a wonderful performance!" He said loudly.

"Yeah, performance, right," Hephaestus muttered.

"And I should know. I'm the patron of theatre. I think you should go back to camp, Xeris." Dionysus said.

"Yeah. Chiron's gonna kill me." Xeris said.

"I'll talk to him. Anything else you want to say?" Dionysus asked.

"Yep. See you around, Dragon father." Xeris said and teleported back to camp and off to sleep.


	50. Nico has obviously learnt a lot from Her

Quora; Nico Has OBVIOUSLY Learnt A Lot From Crysta.

Crysta went to sleep immediately.

What happened the first time was that the boys had some kind of lottery or a contest for that last arrangement, and Nico lost. But Will did say he would tell Nico about his dream.

"Nicolas, I have something to tell you." Will began.

Nico knew that this something would be quite serious. Will only called him by his full name in that case. Will could be a real mom sometimes.

"So it's about this dream, right?" Nico asked.

"Yeah. That.

"Crysta was right about it begin a bad, bad dream. It was horrible, not something you would want to hear—"

"Can you please cut to the chase here?" Nico said.

"But it wasn't a bad dream for me. Nico, hide your sword," Will said.

"Why?" Nico asked.

"Nicolas, get rid of your sword or I'll just take it away from you." Will said.

"Fine." Nico whined and took his sword far away from his bed. When he was done with that he went back to Will.

"I have some good news, and some bad news, and some very bad news. I think you'll want the good news first," Will said.

"Tell me any one already," Nico said.

"The good news is that you proposed to Crysta." Will said.

"Okay, next."

"The bad news is that she actually loved me,"

"Crap,"

"And the very bad news is that she was carrying my baby after I got very angry and wanted to leave camp and she promised to do what I wanted so—"

"YOUR WHAT?" Nico raged and almost reached for his sword until he remembered it wasn't there.

"You see," Will said.

Nico said a few words that were definitely not I'm happy for you.

"You mean you and Crysta—"

"Yes," Will said.

"And I proposed to her?" Nico asked.

"With your own skull ring." Will confirmed.

"Shiiiiiiit!" Nico said.

"We could just call it a dream," Will suggested.

"Will, as you know, demigod dreams can be really real. That might be a vision from the future. And the future has a very bad sense of humor." Nico said.

"Don't worry. You should know that Crysta would never let any of us go that far," Will said.

"Yeah. I could believe that," Nico said nervously.

"Tell you what, I think I'll just go back to my cabin. You'd have Crysta all to yourself then, no contest." Will said.

"I like that idea. But why are you doing this?"

"Anything for you, my ghost king," Will said.


	51. I asked for it

Crysta; I sign my own death warrant

I woke up with good news and bad news.

Good news: Will was gone. Bad news: my head was on Nico's lap.

I didn't scream so I wouldn't get Xeris into trouble.

I saw this as a perfect escape period when I heard "Don't even think about it."

"Nico, you're up early. Why?" I asked weakly.

"To keep an eye on you." Nico said.

"Oh kay?" I said.

"Will told me about that—"

"Abomination of a dream he had yesterday? Yep, I can relate. Trust me, I don't want that happening either." I said quickly.

"You really like interruptions don't you?" Nico said.

We sat in silence for about a minute.

"So, Will said I should pretend to be his "very serious girlfriend" today. What the hell does that mean?" I asked

"Of course you should know what that means. This wouldn't have happened if I was the one asking questions." Nico said

"Don't worry, you'll get your turn some other time. You know, like never?" I said sarcastically.

"Just because I don't exactly have anyone to show you off to doesn't mean you should mock me about it," Nico said

"Dude, you have TONS of people to show me off to." I said.

"I'm the only one in this cabin—"

I laughed . A lot. "Oh, wait. You're talking about just this cabin. Dark Angel, you should know that no one in this camp would ever believe you have even a HALF girlfriend. You should prove them wrong." I said.

"What do you mean?" Nico asked slyly.

"During this whole Will thing, you can barge in and steal a dance with me. All the good niggas gonna be like "whaaaaat?"" I said. And I bolted for the door to take a shower.

Then I visited Xeris's cabin. "Whats up traitor?" I asked .

"I'm really sorry," Xeris said.

"Cryxeris, how could you?" I asked.

"I was—"

"You were with Dionysus and didn't ask for any wine for me? I hate you!" I said.

"I was roasting Aphrodite! I knew you'd want that," Xeris said.

"Kay then. Guess what I have to do today." I asked .

"You have to pretend to be Will's girlfriend and Nico's dance partner?" She said.

"Worse. I have to act as Will's "serious girlfriend" and when Nico gets there I have to dance to one of the romantic songs in history. " I said.

You would think that the first part was what she said. Serious girlfriend is actually a euphemism for what I actually said.

"Eww. That guy's crazy. Which reminds me, I had the worst night ever." She said.

"Dioscuri came to town?" I asked

"Worse. Get in so I can tell you." She said and pushed me past the door.

"Perseus, our demigod of the mellinea, our hero, asked me to marry him." She said.

"Dang. That's what you think is so bad? Will Solace had a dream that I was his baby mama and Nico proposed to me."

"Shiitt. That's disgusting." Xeris said.

"Anyway, I need some clothes." I said.

"One set of "serious girlfriend" clothes coming up. Boom Zaramay, bitch!" Xeris ordered.

A set of clothes came into existence.

"This is waay too serious girlfriendly. So, okay? Or I can get something more decent—"

"Just thank God no Olympians are coming anytime soon." I said.

Boy was I wrong.


	52. I become a part time flirt

Crysta; I become a part time flirt.

I went back to Nico's cabin after taking a shower.

"Hey— Woah. You look— wow. So— wow." He said.

"Has Will sent you my alcohol?" I asked, annoyed.

It was just a tube top and shorts. I also made my hair black. What's the big deal?

"Yes he has come sit with me." Nico said quickly.

I stood the shit still with my hands akimbo.

Nico looked at me with such desire that I had to decide if I should just cut and run without my alcohol.

"Where is it?" I asked.

"I'll get it for you," Nico said, slowly getting up.

He gave me a bottle of wine. I opened it and drank.

After a long enough time I was through with that and I turned to leave when he said "Wait,"

"What is it you want, Dark Angel?" I said.

"I haven't— you— I—" Nico stammered.

Unfortunately, I knew what he wanted. And it sucked. But I knew that Nico wouldn't let me go without me fulfilling his wishes.

I had to walk up to that idiot and kiss him.

"See ya later," I said and walked the hell out.

Phaethon was talking very seriously with his cabin mates until I said, "What's the haps players?"

All the guys looked like they were going to surround me and take pictures.

"Oh my gods," Will said.

"What? Is there something in my hair?" I asked and threw my head back.

"Beautiful— I mean who are you?" Some guy asked.

"I'm Crysta. Will, what are you doing?" I asked

"We were just having a—"

"Very unimportant chat. Sit down, will you?" Some other guy said.

"Chris, she's MY girlfriend. Let me sit with her—"

"Come on Will, you're head counselor. You should put the needs of your cabin mates first. Sit with me, Chris, and anybody else." I said.

Four guys and a girl stepped forward. Another girl was giving one of the guys the stink eye. He obviously didn't fricking care.

"So, as I said, I'm Crysta Briseis Ramzeres, daughter of the sky, you can ask me anything." I said as I played with my hair.

"Can you be my girlfriend?" Some dude asked.

"Well, your head counselor's pretty much taken half that spot. And another half's been taken by Nico—"

"Nico Di Angelo? Like the son of Hades Nico Di Angelo?" That girl said and moved closer to me.

"Yeah. That Nico Di Angelo." I said.

"You are so cool. And so hot," That girl said.

"Can you please all tell me your names?" I asked

"I'm Danielle. These Ethan, Chris, Marc and Daniel." Danielle said.

"Daniel and Danielle? Doesn't it get confusing?" I said.

"My turn," Ethan said.

"No, my turn," Will said and pulled me aside.

"What is it? We were just hitting it off!" I said.

"Why are you flirting with all those other guys? You're supposed to be my girlfriend. You belong with me." Will said.

"That's half girlfriend to you. And I'm not flirting with them, I'm trying to look like a badass."

"Daniel was really close to kissing you."

"And so?"

Will looked frustrated. "Just, please, act more like MY girlfriend when we get back." He said.

Then I spotted Nico about three cabins away. "Too late," I said and left.

Hermes; god of cunning and theft, travel, commerce, the internet, business, etcetera. In most of his popular romances in mythology he was disguised as someone or something.

You'll get what I mean in five minutes.

Once I got back inside, Nico followed me. I didn't even have time to speak before he took my hand and started to dance with me.

Suddenly an MP3 played You Belong With Me.

Everybody looked kinda mystified. Probably because we were floating three feet in the air.

Remember how I said I couldn't easily look at Nico without nearly blacking out? I tried to look at him now. Then I noticed something was wrong.

This person just looked like Nico, but something was fishy. I couldn't quite place it. Then BAM, I just looked at his eyes.

Nico's eyes usually looked dark and sad. This person's eyes were rather filled with mischief and wonder.

Once I finally realized that, I tried to leave. Not Nico person held my wrist. "Stay," he said.

Then the song changed to Rihanna's Stay.

"Oh oh, round and around and around and around we go.

Oh oh, now tell me now tell me now tell me now you know."

It seemed we were going higher. Then I concluded that this person was obviously a god.

You might wanna be like; "What was your first clue?"

I first assumed that he was using some kind of shadow power.

"Who are you?" I asked NNP.

He didn't answer. But he DID carry me like some damsel in fricking distress.

"Nicolas, put, me, down." I said.

He still didn't answer. He just put me down

I thought, ok. This guy seems reasonable.

Then I looked at his eyes and saw some kind of staff with snakes. A caduceus, I concluded.

Waait.

"H—Her— I—" I stammered. I was very, very dizzy.

"Sleep, my crystal." This guy said softly.

I promptly collapsed.


	53. Grainzilla Roasts Us Like Corn

Xeris; Grainzilla roasts us like corn.

"You. What's your problem with me? I'm already trying my best to recover from this whole Dioscuri's mistress thing and you— son of a Mitchell!"

I am so not saying what that doufus did to me. But it did involve my clothes changing. (To a bathrobe.)

"Why do you want to be so difficult? I gave you powers equal to an Olympian's. I love you." Thunderhead said.

"You really want Hera to kill me, right?" Xeris asked.

"Actually, I don't mind." A voice said.

"Hera, why?" Xeris asked.

"I like seeing my husband's children suffer. And it seems you don't want to be involved with anyone. And my husband yearns for your touch. Why would I refuse?" Hera said.

"Oh, you, beotch!" I said and tried to run.

Learn from my mistakes, people; NEVER think you can outrun the king of the universe. Especially in his home court.

Some wind spirits surrounded me and blocked every possible way of escape. Then clouds formed and dragged me to Mr Thunderhead.

You know, before Zeus kept trying to make me a side chick he wasn't my favorite Olympian. This only made the situation worse.

"Xeris, this is your last chance. Consent to me willingly and you won't regret it." Zeus said, looking straight at me.

"I will—" I started

"Never give up to your psychology, you psycho!"

"Then please forgive me for what I'm about to do," Thunderhead said.

"Hold it RIGHT there Zeus!" A voice called.

Zeus frowned. "Demeter? What's your problem?"

"You're asking me what's my problem. What's YOUR problem? She's your daughter for crying out loud. And you, Hera? Queen of heaven my ass. You say you're the "protector of marriage", "goddess of birth", what the hell. Your role can be put in three words; Stuck. Up. Bitch.

"You're always trying to kill all of Zeus's children. And once you can't kill them you seek revenge. Heracles for example. "Glory to Hera"? You've got to be fricking kidding me. Unless they meant Glory to Hera's Bitchyness, it wouldn't make sense. You got so many monsters to kill him you should've just gotten yourself. You—"

She roasted their donkeys like no one's business.

During that time I did the smart thing, turned invisible, and ran off.

Then Demeter did the very smart thing to calling Zeus and Hera to order by dope slapping them.

Oh, just kidding. Can't I try and make my foster mother cool for once?

Zeus pulled an Dionysus on Demeter and advanced to my direction.

"You never took the time to know me,

You never took the time to under stand

You never took the time to know me,

And without you I'm just a lonely man." Zeus sang.

How the hell did this idiot know I was a sucker for songs in real life?

"Main Phir bhi tumko chaahunga

Main Phir bhi tumko chaahunga" I said.

"Would you stay a little longer with me,

Baby?

Would you stay a little longer with me?" Zeus said.

"Oh HELL to the no No NO!" I said

"jump in the Cadalic, I just have to put some miles on it

Anything you need, you just have to put a smile on it.

No you deserve it baby

You deserve it all.

And I'm gonna give it to you.

Your jewelry shining so bright,

Strawberry champagne on ice,

Lucky for you that's what I like.

That's what I like.

Lucky for you that's what I like,

That's what I like."

I hate the other part of that chorus, but of course he sang it. And I am not writing it!

"Why you gotta be so rude?

Don't you know we're human too-ooh-ooh?" I said and tried to leave.

"You?

What yo tryna do?

Twenty four, carat, magic, in the air." Zeus said and turned into a shower of gold around me.

Ugh, you have got to be kidding me.

"Bitches say shit and they ain't saying nothing.

A hundred mother effers can't tell me nothing.

I beez in the trap b-beez in the trap.

I beez in the trap b-beez in the trap."

I was able to get to the elevator when "oh love

Nobody's gonna hurt you love

I'm gonna give you all of my love

NO one matters like you," Zeus sang.

"Eff you.

Eff you very very much.

Please don't stay in, please don't stay in touch." I said.

"I will never say never.

I won't fight you for-rever," Zeus said and picked me up like a damsel in distress.

"I will, take care of you.

Please don't, be scared of me," he said.

You get the drill.

And that's why I hate my father


	54. Hermes, you wanna play THAT game?

Quora: Hermes, you wanna play THAT game?

"Nico, why did you do that?" Will asked.

Hermes said nothing, he just calmly walked out of the cabin carrying Crysta and flew off.

I have a lot of explaining to do on this guy's behalf.

Hermes fell in love with Crysta immediately he saw her, which was during that last therapy session. He was just minding his own fricking business and going to the throne room so he could tell Hades that he was going home when he saw this absolutely beautiful girl sword fighting some other kid. Her hair as dark as night, her eyes as green as emerald, her expression fierce, and other shit I don't want to go into.

He pretty much shook that off. Surely Aphrodite HAD to be the one messing with him. He decided to do something about it.

"Dude, I've already told you I've forgiven you for the whole Hermaphroditus thing! Seriously, that was two thousand years ago." Aphrodite said.

"Then why do you want me to fall for some girl?" He asked.

"Honestly, you're in love, but not by me. You could ask Eros," she said.

"Where is he?"

"He's in his room." Aphrodite said.

"Are—"

"No, Hermes. I haven't done anything to make you fall in love with Crysta." Eros said calmly.

"Then—"

"You obviously fell for her by your own will. You can't blame us every time you fall in love,"

"But—"

"It's completely possible. You remember that scandal with Ancises? Aphrodite said Zeus put a spell on her, but she was lying. She fell by her own will, until she realized she couldn't stay with him forever because he wasn't immortal."

"So—"

"It isn't always categorized as true love. It can also be obsession, desire, jealousy."

"You—"

"That's not how to thank someone who just answered your question." Eros finished.

Hermes completely lost it when he saw Crysta in her "serious girlfriend" outfit.

He was sure Nico and Will didn't deserve such good luck.

He had to formulate a plan that let Crysta be his. So he then went for his old friend; trickery.

First he went to Hades cabin disguised as Crysta.

"Nico?" Hermes, or fake Crysta called.

"Yes, gorgeous— I mean Crysta," Nico said.

"Call me whatever you want, my ghost king." Copycat said. Then she/he threw him/herself at Nico.

"Baby, I couldn't possibly leave you, such a dark, handsome knight, for that archer. I love you. Stay with me!" She (I'll just say she) said.

Nico was shocked beyond his scales. Why the sudden change of heart? But seriously, no need to question fate here. Take what you can, he thought.

"I love you too, Crysta," Nico said and hugged her.

Then they sat on a bed, Nico's head on Copycat's lap. She stroked his hair and summoned her caduceus. That made him fall asleep real quick.

He then assumed Nico's appearance. "You're mine, Crysta." He said before he left.

Erg. This is going to be really hard.

As he danced with Crysta he thought, Why wouldn't she like me? I'm an awesome, cool, handsome Olympian.

As he carried her, he thought; Seriously, why wouldn't she like me? I made the internet, I know a lot of stories, I'm funny, handsome, and an Olympian.

He took her to— whatever you would call that place. It was a cross between man cave, palace, and a mansion.

He was really thinking if he should change back when he got a call from Zeus.

"Hello, Mr Sky Brains. How can I help your overbearing butt today? Oh, I'm sure you want me to kidnap some poor mortal girl again today? why sure, just tell me who it is and she'll be right there in less than thirty minutes." Hermes said.

"it's Xeris," Zeus said bluntly.

"This will take way more than thirty minutes. How's never? Xeris would kill me." He said.

"Get her here within an hour. That's all." Zeus said and hung up.

"I'm sorry my love. Boss Thunderhead wants me to deal with his precious little princess again. But I'll be back soon, I promise." Hermes said to Crysta. Then he changed into Percy and flew off.

"Hermes you better show yoself before I smack you back to Chaos." Xeris said.

How the hell was she able to see through his disguise?

"No fair! I worked a lot thinking of who to disguise as." Hermes whined.

"What do you want?" Xeris asked.

"I just want to—"

"Tell me the truth." Xeris said.o

"Dionysus wants me to take you to Olympus. Something about you and D hanging out?" He said.

Xeris looked at him very seriously.

"Come on. I'm not lying." Hermes said.

"Ok. I'll believe you. But you have to tell me the truth about what I'm going to ask you." Xeris said.

"What is it?"

"You're the god of travel and everything. You should know a lot of stuff. Where's Crysta?" Xeris asked.

"Isn't she with that Apollo kid?"

"I told you to answer my question you bastard, not give me another one."

Hermes didn't know if he should lie about that. So he went for the next best option; he took Xeris's hand and flew them outta there.

He got them to the throne room. "Here's your princess. Sionara!"

Hermes went back to his living space (I'll just say living space) and saw that Crysta seemed to be waking up.

"Crap. That was shorter than expected."

So of course he summoned his caduceus (I know. That's becoming way to common. But that caduceus has the power to put people to sleep and blah blah blah. Sorry I'm just telling you now, but come on. Who would know that that would appear so many times?)

"For the third time, who, are, you?" Crysta said.

He didn't change shape this time.

"Wait. A caduceus, mischievous looks, serious Peter pan syndrome. Hell, you're Hermes," Crysta concluded.

"Yes, my queen. I'm Hermes. You must be beautiful." He said.

Turns out they have a lot in common in terms of vocabulary.

"What the shit do you want with me? I'm not some cursed artifact you had to steal, right?" Crysta said

"Your value is above that of diamonds. Your eyes as bright as the sun. Your hair as dark as night. Your smile as priceless as Zeus's thunderbolts—"

"Shut it. You're the god of eloquent speaking, aka the god of lies. I think I'll just get going now." Crysta said.

"No, I'm not lying. Ever since I met you, I just can't think straight. Do you know how many times I almost got caught for the past two days? Crysta, I'm nothing without you. I want you to be mine. I'll do whatever you want, even give up stealing, for you are the most valuable thing in the universe." Hermes said.

Crysta was pissed. "Wait, you've lived for the past three mellinia without me, now you're saying you're nothing without me? Please, I won't buy that crap.

"You seemed to have put your best work into that poetry. What ever. I'm not sure I can believe you for even a second. What the hell do you have to offer me?"

"I've got a case of vodka in the fridge,"

"Whatever you say Lord Hermes." Crysta said and made straight for the fridge.


	55. You have got to be kidding me

Quora: You've got to be kidding me.

For all you people who thought that Xeris got Ledaed by Zeus, you are almost right.

Almost.

Zeus whisked them away to, somewhere.

As she said, you get the drill. He was getting all kissy and smoochy and whatever gross stuff I tried to forget. When Xeris decided:

"I may have lost the battle but not the war. I'm the Wielder of the the sword Kalasor!

"Wanna dance, Thunderhead?"

Then this god summoned a pretty alright gold sword.

Xeris ran off thinking about I Knew You Were Trouble When You Claimed Me. It's like I Knew You Were Trouble When You Walked In, but with a slight remix.

It seems I forgot to talk about the drama going on back at Camp Half-blood.

Wil was already angry enough, but when Nico took Crysta away without a word, he was pissed.

He tracked Nico to his cabin to find him asleep. And without Crysta.

"Dude, wake up. Where's Crysta? You owe me for this." Will said as he shook Nico violently.

"Wha— where—who?" Nico said.

"Where's Crysta?" Will asked.

Nico was obviously confused. He was with Crysta before he fell asleep.

"She was with me before. I— I don't know." Nico said.

"You came to my cabin and danced with her. Then she passed out and you left without a word." Will said.

"I don't remember going anywhere. Crysta came back here and stroked my head until I fell asleep. I just woke up now." Nico explained.

"Really?"

"How often have you seen me kidding?" Nico asked seriously.

"So Crysta tricked us?" Will asked.

"Why would she? We can say she sent a copy of herself to me, but why would she want to send another copy that looked like me to kidnap herself?" Nico said .

"So what are you thinking?"

"Do you think of anything other than archery? I'm thinking a god tricked me into falling asleep so he could disguise as Crysta and kidnap her. The problem is who it could be." Nico concluded.

"Let's sort this out; which god do you know that's good with disguises, can easily put people to sleep, and would see Crysta as interesting enough to want to take her for himself?" Will thought.

"We have two candidates; Zeus, because why not. And Hermes because seriously, he might as well have been her father." Nico said.

They tried to connect the dots. Hermes is mischievous, Crysta was trouble. Hermes is a professional cusser, same as Crysta. Hermes looked like he could drink half a case of vodka no problem, same as Crysta.

"Hermes it is," the boys concluded.

"What are we gonna do? Crysta's in trouble, and with someone that could possibly be her sensei," Will asked.

"We do what we're supposed to do; Find her and rescue her." Nico said.

High ho. High ho. It's to Olympus they shadow travelled.

Percy tried to look for Xeris later that day. But he couldn't do anything because Annabeth was constantly following him.

"Can't I just go to the river, alone?" Percy asked.

"Nope. But you could go with me. Then WE'LL be alone." Annabeth said.

What could've happened to her? She hasn't spoken to me since yesterday, Percy thought.

He was serious about marrying her, the problem was just Annabeth. Don't break up with her, she said. Can't she be concerned about them for once?

And Percy noticed that now Annabeth had some serious Heranjitus. She wouldn't leave him alone, she kept asking if he would cheat on her, stuff Hera would ask Zeus. A lot.

After a long time trying to persuade Annabeth to let him be, he went back to his cabin. He was greeted by a very familiar goddess.

"Perseus Jackson, what have you done?" Athena asked.

"What do you mean? I haven't killed any owls recently, right?" Percy asked nervously.

"You've been cheating on my daughter with that excuse of a half sister Xeris. Yes, she's beautiful, smart, quick and whatsoever. But Annabeth's jealousy is making her lose brain cells. She's concerned about you, you no good sea brat, and that's not helping her. You must choose between them—"

"I choose Xeris." Percy said.

"You didn't let me finish. You must choose between them after much thought and concentration." Athena said.

"I still choose Xeris." Percy said.

"Have you even thought of it yet?" Athena said.

"More than necessary. I still choose Xeris and that's final." Percy said.

"You've been with Annabeth for almost four years now. She's your first real girlfriend. You've helped her cousin. You both bore the weight of the sky together. Xeris just came into your life five days ago, and you didn't ask her to be your girlfriend until three days ago. You'll have your father and five other gods as competition, most especially Dionysus and Zeus. She doesn't even consider herself your girlfriend. She's your half girlfriend Percy! She doesn't love you as much as my daughter.

"Okay, I've given you the facts now since your skull's too full of salt to see them yourself. Do you still want to choose Xeris?" Athena said.

Percy stood his ground.

"Listen, I'll give you fifty thousand gold drachmas and success in all your future fights if you pretend you never saw Xeris. Do we have a deal? Can we make that happen?" Athena asked.

"No amount of money or success can compare to the love I have for my princess." Percy said.

"How about A's in all your exams and what I mentioned earlier?"

"No,"

"Fine! All that and immortality. That's the best I can offer. That would make any demigod change their minds."

"As Paris rejected you during the judgement of Paris, I refuse to be swayed by promises no greater than love." Percy said defiantly.

Here's why Athena was so worried. Athena was somehow jealous that Xeris was getting all the attention. Then Percy seemed to be really contemplating breaking her daughter's heart all because of that cloud queen. Athena was worried for Annabeth. She has gone through a lot. Percy's the only one Annabeth would trust. If he broke her trust... No. Annabeth couldn't go so low.

"Fine then. But just so you know, Xeris is really close to getting Ledaed* by her father. I hope you get my meaning." Athena said.

_*Ledaed: Leda was the mother of Helen. She was wRA pPED by Zeus in the form of a swan_


	56. The Lovesiclympics

Quora; The Lovesiclympics

Athena was right. By far.

It was a fricking marathon.

Play marathon music.

Xeris was running faster than lightning.

Zeus turned into a jaguar and almost caught Xeris. Then she turned into a mouse and scurried near the swimming pool.

The swimming pool was basically as big as the Nile river. Xeris had two options; teleport from here or dive in.

Teleporting seemed really good until Zeus found her.

"Squeak," Xeris gulped. Then she turned into a really small fish and dived into the pool.

That's when everything went out of the frying pan and into the fricking fire.

One lovesick big three god was pretty much enough. Now she had to be faced with two of them.

Poseidon couldn't be happier to find out Xeris was in the water. So this idiot decided to turn into a fish and swam after Xeris.

Zeus was not the least bit fazed by Xeris's move. So he decided to go Grande and turn into a dolphin.

You see, this has happened before. Just not with both of them.

Xeris saw some other fish following her, and then she saw the dolphin. Crap, she thought. Invisibility?

She turned invisible and tried to swim away. But here's the thing, invisibility only works when;

1\. You're not in a place where it would be noticeable that you were moving

2\. You DON'T have a super powerful deity on your trail. Much less two.

3\. One of those deities is a sea god.

She did not want to drag Artemis into this. So she had no choice than to confront them.

She turned into a whale. "Okay, you idiots! Listen up!" Xeris called.

Our two tormenters stopped in their tracks.

Xeris turned into herself. "Can someone please explain to me why my life sucks so much? My own father's trying to make me girlfriend #1287, my step mother's all for this plan, my uncle is a professional jackass, Ares is obsessed with me, someone else's boyfriend asked me to marry him, I have to have an official affair with someone favoured by the god of madness, and the only good person around all of you is the same person who split his father's skull and chained his mother to a throne. Ugh. Can you please tell me what the hell you want with me?"

Poseidon and Zeus turned back to themselves again and looked at each other. "I want you to be mine." They said.

"No need to go into details thanks. And I'm not sure I want to do that. Can you please just go away?" Xeris asked.

"Nope." Poseidon said.

"I can't live without you," Zeus said.

"You're immortal." Xeris said to Zeus.

Picture this, first everything's going all not exactly calm but calm enough. Then you just give yourself some slack and relax your muscles because you think the situation is over, and Then BAM, you're snatched out of nowhere by a very annoying sea god.

Then that sea god turns into any really fast sea animal you can think of, because I've run out of ideas, while carrying you. Then you turn into a mermaid and swim hella fast when our one and only sky god snatches your hand and pulls you to shore then he starts singing.

"Girl you're my angel,

You're my darling.

Just kiss my cheek before you leave me."

Holy crap, you think.

You notice that this guy still has his sword.. And so so you. Then Mr sea god turns up and you see he's also armed with his trident.

You break your sword in half and it becomes two swords because it just had to be that awesome.

You make some serious jabs at Zeus and Poseidon but they just keep fighting back. Then you all get tired and frustrated and call for an ambroisa break.

Then you can pretty much see what happened to Xeris.

While Xeris was thinking about where it all went wrong Poseidon was practicing his trident when Zeus came to him.

"What do you want brother? I'm obviously busy," Poseidon said.

"We need to negotiate." Zeus said.

"Ha. Usually, if I negotiate with you I'm most likely to be cheated." Poseidon said.

"It's about how we can corner Xeris." Zeus said in a salesman's tone.

"Talk to me," Poseidon agreed.

"Xeris is a very tough job. So yes, we're very powerful, but she's really fast. So what I'm suggesting is that we join forces like that time during the second titan war. Once we get her, we hold a lottery to see who gets her first. Once I— I mean, any of wins, the loser gets her later. Do we have a deal?" Zeus said.

"You have to first swear on the river Styx you're not going to cheat me." Poseidon argued.

"I swear on the river Styx that I won't cheat you, blah blah blah. Let's get moving, I want Xeris now." Zeus complained.

"Then we need a plan," Poseidon said.

Allow me to quote the words of Perseus Jackson from one of his many books;

"… _(unless, of course, the two kings became allies, in which case you were toast)."_

Exactly the case. These two were divided and Xeris seemed to be holding ground, even if it's just a little bit. Now they've combined forces, Xeris was totally fried.


	57. This shit is R-I-D-I-C-U-L-O-U-S

Crysta; This Shit Is R-I-D-I-C-U-L-O-U-S.

I got really, really drunk. And that was obviously my fault.

After Hermes told me about the case of vodka, I was like soo in.

We apologize for not telling you how this person looked. imagine Bruno Mars at fourteen except taller, skinnyer, obviously working out, has elfish features, and looks like he'll take your wallet, your house and your life without thinking of the consequences. Also hold the acne. Aka he looks like that perfect boy in High school.

"So you're a herald too?" Hermes asked.

"That's part time herald to you!" I said . After a whole bottle of alcohol.

"Show me what you do." Hermes said.

I struggled to stand.

"Yo, party people. I'm here to introduce one of the most badassed people ever, Cryxeris Thalia Tribecca Qrncea Delemadus Mnosenye Cyrene Calypso Sanchez of Xeris. First of her name. Daughter of lightning, The Stormborn, Wielder Of Kalasor, Of the Dragon Flame and Acid Tongue, Confidant to Khaleesi, The golden fleece. Of the many forms, Mother of the Amazon." I said and fell back.

"Hmm. How about you? What's your name?"

"Crystanabecca Iris Briseis Quexla Ramzeres of Ephedia. Bearer of the sword Xerxtis, The Wordly Avenger, Center Commander, Hermes Of Cryxeris The Reader, Girl of the Rainbow Hair, follower of the herald." I said. "Wait, where did that last one come from?"

"You say you're a wordly avenger. Do you really think you can flyte as good as me?" Hermes said.

"Of course not, Peter Pan." I taunted.

"You're asking for it,"

"Bring it on, unless you're too busy stealing cows to consider it." I mocked.

"If I win, then you'll have to be my girlfriend. Do you still want to do this?" Bruno asked.

"Can't you ask for a lesser fee? I'm already Nico and Will's half girlfriend." I said.

"Then dump both of them, then you can be my girlfriend." Bruno said.

"I can't be anyone's full girlfriend. And I will not agree to be even your quarter girlfriend. Ask for something else." I tried.

"Fine. If I win, then you'll have to dance with me," Hermes said.

I drank half a bottle. "Let's go," I said.

"Crystannabecca, is that even a name? You're beautiful and all, but Xeris's got like six gods on her track. You're always second best as a center commander, and for a girl with four feet of long hair, you can't pull up a prince." Hermes said.

"Hermes, Hermes, Hermes. I pity you. What does that mean, by the way?

"In a heck lot of your well known affairs, which is a lot by the way, are you trying to become Zeus, Because it's really paying off. As I said, in a heck lot of your well known affairs, you're disguised as someone else meaning you're the god of wannabes because you try to be anyone but yourself."

"I'm shocked. I'm the god of wannabes? Then you really are a follower of the herald. You're always trying to copy your favourite tv characters, Iris, Thalia, Ariana, Marinette, Riya Somani, and others. What do you mean by not wanting to be anyone's full girlfriend? That's a Riya Somani thing. Your knee length long hair? That's an Ariana thing. Calling yourself princess of Ephedia? That's an Iris thing. You never have your own thing. You're just a wannabe."

"I'm a fan girl. You don't have an excuse. You're really bad at picking names, btw. Hermaphroditus? Pan? Silenus? Lucas? Probably to show how bad a father you are."

"You think I'm a bad father? Your father doesn't even know you. You're a personality. A beautiful, interesting personality, but a personality no less."

I couldn't say anything after that. I was stunned. That hurt so much. And I was also very drunk so what the heck.

"So I win. Let's dance."

Something was seriously telling me to sleep. I figured it was Hermes's caduceus.

"Fine, Peter Pan." I said.

I thought he was gonna be like, "how dare you call me Peter Pan?"

Nope. Absolutely nothing.

He just came forward and suddenly What I Like played on a speaker.

I was not all that participating. I was drunk, hurt, and half asleep. This idiot dared call me beautiful?

"I said you should dance with me, not turn into a rag doll," Hermes said.

"I'll have to go," I said.

"No. You can't leave me. You've agreed to my terms, meaning you can't leave until you've danced with me." Hermes said.

"I— can't—do—" I tried to say. My vision was whack. My brain was numb. I couldn't really move.

He sat me down on a sofa

"Crysta, forget all I said the last time. Listen to me now;

You are the most beautiful person I've ever met. You are brave, extraordinary, above all value. You are dauntless, passionate, funny. You're perfect for me. I love you." Hermes said.

"Shut up, Peter Pan. I really feel like I'm going to have a stroke. Me? Perfect for you? You ain't got no idea what you're saying. I'm just a wannabe, a personality, a nobody. Now I'm suddenly perfect for you?"

"How do you want me to prove myself to you?"

"You only know you've been high when you're feeling low.

You only miss the sun when it starts to snow.

You only know you love her if you let her go."

He didn't say anything at first.

"My love for you is Ridiculous

I never knew that it can be like this,

My love for you is Ridiculous

My love is R-I-D-I-C-U-L-O-U-S

R-I-D-I-C-U-L-O-U-S

It's

Ridiculous

Just

Ridiculous

And I'd give away my kingdom for just one kiss,"

I was so shocked and horrified that I promptly passed out.

Why I was shocked and horrified?

That idiot sang like a nightingale. His voice was so hypnotizing. His words sinking into me like they were real. But I highly doubted it. This was a god of eloquent speaking: meaning a god of lies, poetry and song. All of them fake.

And he also kissed me.

There. I said it.


	58. Yeesh

Quora: Sorry I haven't been creative with my chapter names, but yeesh.

After (I know, after seems to begin every chapter now) Crysta passed out, Hermes checked to see if she was awake.

Of course she wasn't. If shock, alcohol, a magic caduceus and Hermes's singing isn't enough to knock you out into a major death trance, I have no idea what will.

Can we just see how Xeris was doing? I can't write about this guy's exploits just yet.

Xeris had no idea what was coming.

When their ambrosia break was over, they stayed in their respective sides.

Zeus changed his weapon to his master bolt just for this plan.

The brothers made sure they stayed on opposite sides so it didn't look like they were collaborating. And no, people, there was no fake trash talk.

"Operation golden fleece is a go." They said before they started.

Xeris jabbed, slapped, parried, slapped, and trash talked them until she tried to cut and run. Zeus used his master bolt to surprise her into staying.

"Dude, that was an inch from my head!" Xeris said.

Zeus played offence, Poseidon played defence. Offence as in Zeus was to offend and annoy Xeris into the water. Defence as in Poseidon was to guard the door until that happened.

Zeus sang numerous songs and handed out various compliments until Xeris couldn't take it anymore and jumped into the water.

Now it's Poseidon's time to shine.

He caused a massive cyclone to surround Xeris and trap her in a water prison.

"Lachesis, why?" Xeris yelped.

Then the boys concluded that their plan was a success.

"Now what's this lottery about?" Poseidon asked.

"A game mortals play, rock paper scissors or something like that." Zeus said.

"Where was this game when we were dividing the world?" Poseidon whined.

Then they googled how to play this game.

Just kidding. They knew how to play alright. Too well. You know, for future sharing the world situations.

Zeus choose paper. Poseidon choose scissors.

"Ugh. You win. Take your prize." Zeus said.

Then they turned around to see Xeris was gone.

"You have got to be kidding me," they said and slapped their foreheads. Good for you, btw.

It takes serious concentration to make a water prison strong enough to hold back an unwilling side chick with Olympian worthy powers. Poseidon wasn't concentrating because of the game.

Zeus turned into an eagle and searched pretty much everywhere.

"Daugher? Kid? Where are you?" He called .

Xeris was really thinking of teleporting to Alaska when she bumped into Solacengelo. They were running.

"Will? Nico? Where's Crysta? Help me out here!"

"What's going on here?!" Nico said.

"Zeus is acting real crazy. Who's perusing you? Unless you're just running because I'm running?" Xeris asked.

"We're in a little trouble with Hermes. He sent a drakon after us because we saw him and Crysta in a… situation." Will explained.

"We need to bust into Hermes's house. Crysta's in a death trance." Xeris said.

"A death what?" The boys asked.

"Hermes used several methods to make her fall unconscious. Now she's too unconscious, can't feel a thing, and can't even talk to me. She's as good as dead." Xeris said.

Zeus was on their tail now and almost reached for Xeris when a huge drakon came out of nowhere.

"What the he'll?" Xeris said. And that was not auto correct.

"That's our drakon. Hermes wants to eliminate us so that when Crysta wakes up she'll have to be his full girlfriend," Will said.

"He told you that?" Xeris asked.

"Nope, but this drakon definitely doesn't want to make us cookies." Nico said.


	59. Pygmalion and Galatea

Quora: (finally, a fun chapter name) Pygmalion and (The unconscious but now human) Galatea.

Ok. Now I've given you a status update on Xeris. But this part is kinda freaky.

Previously on Hermes's Crush; Hermes sang a rather romantic song to Crysta and kissed her, making Crysta pass out and Hermes to go absolutely crazy.

Back at the living space, it seemed that Hermes had been shot by Eros. Twice.

I mean, it was like Pygmalion and Galatea. You know, that story with the guy falling in love with the statue? Except Pygmalion didn't want Galatea unconscious.

They danced to Poisonous Love, that song from Rio 2 where the frog still thinks she's deadly and can't go near Julian, or whatever that white bird's name is. Hermes saw the song as perfect because he couldn't get close to Crysta without her being passed out cold.

You might wonder how he was able to do that, and there's a simple answer; he's a god. Gods can do lots of crazy shit. Even telekinesis.

Hermes gave Crysta a cocktail dress and danced to Magic.

Then he just sat her down and recited a bunch of weird romantic poetry.

"We are blessed and cursed.

You're a blessing.

And I'm cursed not to have you."

And stuff like that.

Oh no. It gets worse.

Hermes started practicing how he would propose to her.

Told you it would get worse. And that's not even the "situation" Solaceangelo were talking about. We'll get there soon, and believe me, it's going to be hard.

You know that end scene in snow white where the prince kisses her awake? Gross, by the way, but Hermes was so crazy that he decided to act it out. Except she didn't wake up, and that's when Hermes's madness got forty times worse.

Nico and Will asked for directions to Hermes's place and were guided there immediately.

"Crysta? Crysta, are you here?" Will called, still outside the house.

"You can be such a wimp." Nico said.

"I'm dating you, meaning I've taken chances. But I don't wanna go in there," Will said.

"Why? You think Hermes would react to that?" Nico asked.

"No. But think about it; Hermes brought Briseis here because he's probably madly in love with her. Do you have any idea what they could be doing in there? I do not want to be scarred for life." Will explained.

"You think Crysta would let him go that far?" Nico said.

"What if she's unconscious? You know her, she passes out anytime someone makes a serious move." Will pointed out.

"We'll have to save her, right? Which means you should stop being such a wimp and go in there already!"

"Why should I go in? You've faced more weird stuff than me. In fact, you're the definition of weird."

"You're the one who dreamt about— eww. You go in,"

"No, you go in."

"I don't want to."

"Fine then. How about rock paper scissors?" Nico suggested.

They both chose paper.

"Rematch!" Will said.

"It's a tie. Meaning both of us will go in." Nico said.

"How about you go in before me?" Will said.

"You'll just bail on me. Come on, take my hand, and hope that either the door's locked, or they're not doing what we're thinking." Nico said nervously.

The door wasn't locked.

"Great. Hang in there, breakfast." Will told himself.

"Same thing here," Nico said.

There was a long corridor leading to the living room. The boys hoped it would never end. But within thirty seconds, they were there. And they were horrified by what they saw.

Yep. Someone should've locked the door.

"What the fricking hell?" Nico and Will said.

Hermes faced them. "You,"

"Um, hi, Mr, Lord Hermes. I think we'll just go now—"

"You dare interrupt me in my frenzy of passion? You will have to die, and or suffer my wrath!" Hermes raged.

Release the drakon.

Dun dun dun dun dun. Run 🏃 🏃🏃

"I TOLD YOU WE SHOULDN'T GO IN THERE!" Nico said.

"YOU'RE THE ONE THAT SAID WE HAD TO GO IN THERE!" Will argued.

"I TAKE THAT BACK!" Nico said.

Back to the present. Zeus decided to pull a Pallas* and struck the drakon dead.

"Ok. So one problem solved. What were you saying about Zeus being crazy?" Will asked.

"Three words; Reverse Electra Complex." Xeris said

"Eww. But seriously, definitely not as gross as the whole Hermes situation. And we're running right towards it." Nico said.

"Do you have any other ideas?" Xeris asked.

"How's Alaska? It's hidden from the gods and all," Will suggested.

"Yeah. And leave my sister to to be Hermes's baby mama. Screw it bitches, we're going in." Xeris said.

I don't know. Is it suddenly rocket science to lock a door here?

"Why have—"

"Hold up Hermes, we're here to talk. But first, come on. You're scaring these guys." Xeris said.

Xeris took the boys away until Hermes said he was ready.

"So, Hermes, what the hell do you want with my sister?" Xeris asked.

"I'm in love with her." Hermes said.

"Have you done the proper investigations to see if Eros hasn't been fracking around with your emotions?" She asked.

"Yes. He says he has nothing to do with it—"

"You do know that there's still Pothos* and Himeros* to be questioned. Have you checked with them?"

"No but—"

"EXACTLY. You better check with them before I find out that you were just fooling around and don't love Crysta. I am not going to be alive and see myself become some thief's baby mama." Xeris snapped and dragged Hermes to Aphrodite's mansion.

_*Pallas: A friend of Athena. She was practicing spear throwing with Athena when Zeus was like "oh no. This person wants to harm my daughter? Nuh-uh ." Then he showed her his shield Ageis, startling the skinny out of her and letting Athena impale her to death. Therefore, to pull a Pallas means to get involved in your kid's battles by major._

_Pothos: the personification of languorous longing, of love for the absent and the departed. One of Eros's vice presidents_

_Himeros: the embodiment of desperate, impetuous love, love that is impatient to be fulfilled and ready to burst. Aka the god of sluts, nymphos, desperate side chicks and lonely housewives. Eros's second and most preferred vice president._


	60. Trial of the Erotes

Qrynea; Trial Of The Erotes

The seven idiots were having some kind of staff meeting.

"Yo love bitches! Assemble!" Xeris called.

"Who do you—"

"Shut up, Hedylogos*, she's the boss now," Eros said. "My lady, what have we done this time?"

Himeros almost laughed.

"You, get in here." Xeris told him.

"Why should I?" Himeros asked.

"Wand of Xeris!" Xeris ordered. Then she got her seven foot long baton that was completely capable of breaking love gods to pieces.

"You remember this, Love child? Himeros, Pothos, get your butts over here unless you really want to end up in a coma." Xeris promised.

"You heard the goddess, move out!" Eros said.

"First swear on the river Styx to say the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, unless you want to be struck by my lightning." Xeris said.

They didn't even look afraid. I'm sure they were like "yeah, yeah. Another one of Zeus's demigods. Who cares?"

"Who are you? You should know you're no match for us." Himeros said .

"Try me," Xeris said calmly.

Himeros got a bow out of nowhere and shot Xeris in the heart.

Xeris seemed unaffected. "Such lousy archery. Damn you people give love a bad name."

Himeros looked stunned. "How—"

"I am titanium. Anybody else?" Xeris asked.

"So beautiful, and yet so unloving. This is a serious Hipolytus sitch," Anteros* said.

Oh, now I get it. Anteros. Anti-eros. These guys are sworn enemies.

"That's her problem, you over-forgiving angel†," Eros said.

"ANYWAY, Hermes, ask them." Xeris commanded.

Hermaphroditus* was just there, chilling, as if Hermes wasn't even there.

"Do you have anything to do with me falling in love with the one and only Crysta Briseis Ramzeres?" Hermes asked.

"Hmm. Lemme check real quick. There's Crista Longview, Christian Rice, Cathy Johnson, nope, don't see a Briseis Ramzeres on my list. Whoa, that's a weird name." Himeros said.

"Pothos? Got anything?" Eros asked.

"Nope. Not a single CY on my list. Can we go now?" Pothos said.

"Okay then. Meeting adjourned." Xeris said.

"Hey, I may respect and fear you, but I say if the meeting's adjourned. Guys, meeting adjourned." Eros finished.

"Wait, you said Crysta Ramzeres, right?" Himeros asked.

"Yes?" Xeris said.

"Oh, false alarm. It's Crysta Reggae." He said

"But Hermes, my advice is that you take everything nice and slow and try your best to avoid this idiot's arrows," Anteros said.

"Angel, I'm the boss here. You have no right to advise people against me. Hermes, take what you want and don't listen to this guy." Eros said

"You have desperation and longing as your senior and junior vice presidents. I'm not so sure. Speaking of which, which one of you put it in Zeus's head to—"

"Darling, are you in there?" Zeus called.

"You caused this, you better fix it. Or Thunderhead will most likely tear this place to shreds because he's looking for her." Hermes said, and he flashed back to...somewhere.

"What do we do?" Xeris asked.

"Maybe we should shoot a reversal arrow?" Hedylogos said.

"You give love a bad name." Hymenaios* sang.

"How's reasoning? I'm sure his feelings might be blinded by Eros, because seriously, this guy has nothing else to do than cause trouble. Even in his own relationships." Anteros said.

"You idiot, you're in MY house and you talk to me like that?" Eros raged.

"Would you please shut up? Thanks. Can I just say something? You guys all have problems and pretty much have nothing to do other than ruin people's lives. Anteros, you're always competing with Eros because he's in a way more popular. Eros, you a creep. Hedylogos, what the hell? You're almost nothing. Hermaphroditus, you're kidding me. You are completely different from all these idiots. They're primordial, with the exception of Eros who's more than obviously adopted. You're obviously Hermes's kid. You have no business with more or less than eighty percent of the population. These guys are trying to copy Eros by having an OS at the end of their names. What are you, computers?" Xeris said.

If I told you the whole rant about Herma, we'd be here for about thirty minutes. And weird enough this guy has only one myth to his name. Not even a miraculous birth story.

Xeris was just getting to Himeros when the door broke down.

"Erotes, assemble! Please don't, I just wanted to say that. I'll talk to this person myself," Xeris said.

"Xer—"

"Yeah yeah, what do you want? I'm getting sick and tired of you chasing me. Here's my problem; you have technically ruined my life. Hell, I'm sure Ganymede didn't suffer so much. So tell me exactly what the shit you want and strike me unconscious because I can't fall into a death trance as easily as Crysta." Xeris said, really fast.

I ain't gonna even TRY to euphemize what he said. But fine; Zeus wanted Xeris to become his side chick. Then he promptly blasted her with lightning and she fell in his arms leading Zeus to carry her away.

Sorted.

_*HEDYLOGOS – the spirit of the language of love and terms of endearment, who now, one assumes, looks over Valentine cards, love-letters and romantic fiction. I hope he isn't reading this._

_*ANTEROS — literally Anti-Eros. He's the patron of selfless and unconditional love and other this Eros would hate._

† _Selfless and unconditional love, remember? Eros is a total bad boy, Anteros is Anti-Eros, meaning he's a good guy._

_HERMAPHRODITUS — a guy who's life sucked right from his name. Then this nymph, Salmacis, just looked at him and got a major, level three thousand crush on him. He was taking a bath in her river one time and then Salmacis saw that as her chance and tried to force herself on him. Herma, terrified, did the smart thing and tried to run away. Then Sal did the not smart thing and prayed that they never be separated blah blah blah. The gods answered Sal's prayer and she became part of Herma and Eros saw that Herma would be perfect for his posse and recruited them(?)._

_Hymenaios — the dude in charge of wedding music. Whenever the music is absolutely terrible during your wedding, that's his fault. He's also in charge of the bridal chamber. That's literally all I can tell you._


	61. The Ramsongelo metal gear solid mission

Red Lia; The Ramsongelo Metal Gear Solid Mission.

I'm also not a version of Xeris. I'm Quora's accomplice. She said she can't take this part. Way too weird.

Warning: I can be kinda harsh.

We'll have to go waaay back on this story. Like, to before Xeris and Solaceangelo got to Hermes's place. They formulated a plan to distract Hermes with the whole Erotes thing long enough for Nico and Will to get Crysta out.

"Here's my idea;

"You two stay back here on the excuse that we're the only guys that can handle people like Eros and co. I'll stall him while you get Crysta out. Take her back to camp, and stay far, far away from her when she shows signs of waking. Is that clear?" Xeris said.

"Why can't we handle them?" Will asked.

"Nico's got some beef with Eros and you— well I've heard about the baby mama dream. I don't want to take chances. Avengers, assemble!" Xeris ordered.

While Xeris was busy screwing around with the Erotes Nico and Will were the bisexuals with the plan. They couldn't pull Crysta up without thinking, "wow, she's so hot. Why are we doing this again? Can't we just stay here and look at her for a while?" And believe me, that's just euphemism.

The boys were really jelly of Hermes. He was able to put Crysta into a death trance with just a love song. Crysta would've put them in a permanent death trance with just a slap to the face.

"Nico?" Crysta said in her sleep.

Then Nico went from depressed to ecstatic. But still, they backed away.

When it seemed that she wasn't getting up the boys went back to her.

"I wish we could see what she's dreaming about," Nico sighed.

This is where we learn that you should be very careful with what you wish for.

Nico simply held Crysta's hand and he was teleported into her dream.

Yep. Yikes.

Nico saw dream him and Crysta were talking.

"I'm sorry—"

"Sorry? You think sorry can make up for the shame I have to go through? I've already told you, I didn't want to become anyone's baby mama!" Crysta raged.

"There is a chance that it didn't result to—that." Nico said.

"And so? I'm still in huge trouble." Crysta said and cried.

"Crysta, it's my fault. Don't punish yourself for—"

"If you didn't want me to punish myself then you shouldn't have done— what you did." Crysta said while crying.

"Forgive me."

"You know what? Just— leave me alone. Disappear. Shadow travel away from my life and never come back." Crysta said and turned away from him.

"No. I can't do that. I'm willing to—"

"Just. Go. Away." Crysta said dead calm.

"Nico?" A voice called.

Nico was flashed back to the present.

"What the hell man? You were passed out for like ten minutes. I was worried!" Will said.

"Crysta— I—"

"Dude, don't tell me you saw her dreams." Will warned.

Nico stayed silent.

"You did?!"

"You did say I shouldn't tell you,"

"This is no time for jokes," Will said.

"Just help her up already," Nico said.

Will took Crysta's hand. Nothing happened.

"We've wasted a lot of time. We'll need to—"

"Not so fast, demigods." Hermes said.

"Told ya." Will said.

The boys ran for the door and found it shut.

"You can't take my Crysta away from me. Not while I'm here," Hermes said.

"You can't take her away from us either." Will said.

"Yes. You can't." Nico said somehow dejected.

"Nico, what's wrong? Get your sword so we can fight this creep." Will said.

Nico was sad. Crysta not talking to him again would be the worst thing that could happen to him.

Nico suddenly felt weak and sad. Then he also started to feel sleepy.

"Fight it Nico. He— can't— do— this— to us or—" Will tried saying then he fell to the ground asleep.

Nico yawned. "Why do you want to do this to her? She's human, not some bimbo you could just make out with." Nico said weakly.

"You won't understand my feelings. She's just your half girlfriend. I want her to be mine. Fully. Nighty night, Di Angelo." Hermes said, and Nico fell asleep.

Ok most of our protagonists are either sleeping, unconscious, drunk or not doing anything interesting. So here are a few lyrics from Hot And Cold:

You're hot and you're cold.

You're yes then you're no.

You're in then you're out.

You're up then you're down.

It's wrong when it's right.

It's black and it's white.

We fight we break up.

We kiss we make up.

Here's the reason why Xeris warned the boys not to go close to Crysta when she was about to wake up; in her dream someone made a serious move while she was asleep in the dark meaning she of course had no idea who it was. When she finally woke up in her dream she saw Nico, meaning she instantly thought it was him. That's what led to what Nico saw.

Xeris saw RamSolNgelo's relationship as kinda funny. And she somehow knew that Crysta would be really pissed at the first person she saw when she actually woke up, so she of course tried to warn them so they don't eff up.

Fortunately, Hermes didn't know that. Or he would've framed Nico and Will.

UNfortunately, for him, he didn't know that. Meaning Crysta gave him the flyting of his life when she woke up.

Saved you a heck lot of trouble Crysta.

Bye bitches, for now.


	62. I give a logical(ly stupid) solution

Crysta; I give a logical solution.

Red Lia was right btw. Not about the calling you bitches part, but the flyting thing.

I roasted that guy's donkey good yao.

Then I found Nico and Will unconscious in the next room.

"Wake up demis! Hermes might be an unholy degree of pissed right now, we need to hurry!"

they were still asleep.

Fine then, I thought

I had to haul them up and was almost teleporting them when I heard serious quarreling outside.

"She's mine." A voice said.

"I found her first," Another said.

"She's perfect for me!" A third argued

"She understands me," a fourth said.

"She understands me better. She's my therapist." A fifth said.

"We have so much in common, unlike the rest of you. She belongs with me!" A SIXTH said.

"Dude, I don't want to be owned by anybody. You don't need to fight about it." Xeris said.

Then I heard the sound of swords being drawn.

I tried identifying the voices. Zeus was first. Dionysus; second. Ares; third. Hephaestus coming in fourth. What the Hecate was Hades doing there? Poseidon was last.

"Nicolas, your father's here!" I said.

Nico started to wake up. I dropped them.

"Is it battle time already?" Nico asked, tired.

"We have six gods literally fighting for Xeris's hand, your father being one of them. Our mission is to stop those idiots from killing each other." I said.

Will woke up a few seconds after that speech. "What's going—"

"No time to explain. Let's go." I said.

We dragged ourselves out of Hermes's room to see a full scale battle. Ares was fighting with Xeris slung over his shoulder, then Dionysus hit him with his pine cone staff and carried her away, then Hades came out of nowhere and and yanked her out of his reach, you get the idea. Either way, that was not just a fight.

"LISTEN UP, OLYMPIANS AND NON OLYMPIAN!" I shouted.

The battle stopped a few seconds later.

"There's and easier, less violent way to settle this, you know. You all wanna marry Xeris? You all wanna kill yourselves over it? Then I call for a challenge. A challenge called The Sword Ring Games!" I said.

They thought for a moment and went back to battle as if to say "nah, I think I'll just kill him."

I don't usually use a bow. But seriously, that was too much.

I shot an arrow for each very crazy suitor. They stopped in surprise.

"If we do these games then we'll know who deserves Xeris the most. Only he, or she, I don't judge, will have the right to Xeris's hand. And besides, um— Xeris wants you to do this." I said.

"Darling, do you want us to prove ourselves to you?" Dionysus asked.

In my head I'm like, "Dionysus called Xeris darling? I thought Dioscuri liked her, not him."

So did I, Xeris thought. Turns out they're the same person.

"Um— yeah, sure. Prove yourselves, and whatever. I shall be your prize." Xeris said.

Ja tu hell mein, we thought.

"Well then, let's get this over with. I'm judging." Zeus said

'_The strength of Zeus is such that it surpasses that of all the other gods put together, and they dare not oppose his will, even if they desired it.'_

_-The Greek Myths, Robin Waterfeild._

You were so wrong.

Pretty much everybody argued with that beotch.

"Okay then. But who will give a better judgement than the all father?" Zeus argued.

"Protector of maidens, Leader of the Hunters, Breaker of chains, Artemis!" We said.


	63. Chapter 63

Quora; Waay back.

I have a bit of explaining to do.

You might want to ask what made Dionysus reveal his identity, or what drew Hades to Olympus, or what the hell happened to gather almost all the guy Olympians together.

Easy fix.

As Zeus carried our way too pretty demigod away, the lord of the dead was languishing without his supposedly beloved Xeris.

She hasn't visited me for days now, Hades thought. I have to find her.

As he was getting ready, he was stopped by a very familiar flower girl.

"You will not leave me for that cloud queen!" Persephone wailed.

"What difference will it make to you? You never loved me anyway. Xeris—"

"She doesn't even know you like her! Not even love. How can you love someone who's obviously out of your league and expect them to love you back?" Persephone asked.

"I loved you," Hades said.

"Are you just doing this to make me jealous? It's working. I want you back now Hades, that thunder girl doesn't deserve all this." Persephone said.

"All what? Wait, you don't want to lose me because of my domain, my wealth, the garden I planted in your honour? What, a, shame." Hades said and disappeared into the shadows.

Same thing with Dionysus.

He hadn't seen her since that time with Hephaestus.

He'd been dealing with Ariadne all that time.

She kept asking rhetorical questions, acting like she was crazy, and drank way too much.

Both of those were things Dionysus had control over and had to fix.

He was thinking of going to camp Half-blood when he thought he saw an eagle carrying her away.

"Ugh, three days of taking care of Ariadne has obviously wrecked my head." Dionysus said. But being the sensible god of madness he was, he went outside to see if he was really hallucinating.

No he wasn't.

Oh no he didn't, Dionysus thought. "Zeus."

Then he became a tiger and ran at the speed of, well, tigers.

"What are you doing with my queen?" Dionysus asked after he changed form.

"She's MY queen. You should back off." Zeus said.

"You think she's your queen? You're her father."

"I'm sure you haven't revealed yourself to her. What's a relationship based on lies?"

"I should be asking you the same thing."

"Zeus, I— what are you doing with Xeris?" Hades asked.

He first stopped at camp Half-blood but couldn't find her there, so he thought he could use that as an opportunity and ask Zeus's approval.

"I'd reveal myself now if she weren't—"

As if on cue, Xeris started to wake up.

"What the hell? Did someone call for me?" She asked, confused.

"Go ahead, Dionysus. Tell her the truth," Zeus said.

Xeris got off the ground. "Truth about what?"

"He's been lying to you, my dear. Come on, Bacchus. Cat got your tongue?" Zeus said.

"Xeris, don't be mad at me, but I— I'm not who you think I am." Dionysus said.

"So you're Sean Poufa? Spider man? Baby Jesus?" Xeris asked.

"What I mean to say is…I'm not just Dionysus—"

"Yeah. Romans called you Bacchus. Do you think I'm that ignorant?" Xeris said.

"No, darling, you're not ignorant at all. What I mean is— I'm Dioscuri. I'm the one who fell in love with you. I disguised myself so you wouldn't freak out about having the god of madness as your suitor. I'm sorry." Dionysus explained.

Xeris stayed quiet. She was browsing through her Hindi curse word section.

"Please don't stop talking to me. Your—"

"Ja tu hell mein," Xeris snapped.

"Go to hell? Ouch," Hades said.

"What are you doing here?" Xeris asked.

"I also have a confession to make," Hades said nervously.

"Speak, O you god of dead people," Xeris said.

Hades told her his feelings, and even worse, in front of Zeus; A god that could strike him down to his domain, and Dionysus; A god that can drive even an immortal crazy.

"So in conclusion, I love you, and I just want to know if you can love me back," Hades said.

Xeris stayed quiet again. This time out of shock.

"I know, I'll just—"

"Stop." Xeris said.

"So I don't need to find hell?" Hades asked.

"Your whole life is hell. And I'm impressed," Xeris said.

"Why?" Hades said.

"You had the courage to confess your feelings to me in front of these— people. You knew there was a chance I would reject you, a huge chance btw, but you still did it. You got guts, Lord Hades." Xenia said.

"But—"

And that leads us to where Crysta heard arguing. Xeris said she couldn't because well, life got in the way. And for some reason that attracted a heck lot of other gods.


	64. The Sword Ring Games

Quora; The Sword Ring Games Summary.

I want this over with as much as you do, party people. So I'll just give you the deets.

Artemis was called and the games began. Then Crysta teleported to get Percy because he's technically one of the suitors. After that she stayed back at camp with Nico and Will, talking about what happened last night and trying to sort out their love triangle.

The first contest was basically a contest of rash promises. Everyone was to say what they would do for Xeris if need be. Dionysus won after promising to give up his immortality, throne, wife and even wine for Xeris. Zeus got eliminated because he just made a lot of minor promises that weren't as impressive like sharing his sacred animal with her and blah blah blah.

Second contest was a singing competition. Percy won after singing Did I Mention, Just The Way You Are, Grenade, and Who U R. Hades was eliminated. That's literally all I can tell you.

Third challenge was a dance party. Dionysus won. Ares was eliminated for foul play. (whaddya know?)

The fourth challenge had a double elimination, because it was a sword fight. Percy and Dionysus pulled through. Poseidon and Hephaestus lost, but Xeris promised she and Hephaestus could still be very good friends. Poseidon however, Ja tu hell mein.

Our last challenge was a Who Knows Ya Better contest. They both kept answering their questions correctly, until one last one;

"What did I say to call Artemis at the first party I threw when I came to camp Half-blood?"

Dionysus won

"Diakóptis abysidon, as pároume méros," he said.


	65. Sorry, but this ends here

Red Lia; after the ball.

Told you I'd be back.

"And we have a winner," Artemis said sadly.

Dionysus advanced towards Xeris, picked her up like a hero, and carried her with these words;

"When I am king dilly dilly you shall be queen."

Yeah Yeah.

Dionysus carried Xeris to his mansion with a lot of requests from Xeris to drop her.

He dropped her on a couch and sat next to her.

"So, you win. Big yikes— I mean deal." Xeris said

"What do we do now?" Dionysus asked

They looked into each others eyes and came to an agreement. "I think we should watch a movie,"

And they lived good enough ever after, until Dionysus became a bit too cuddly and Xeris ended up pregnant.

Big yikes.

Anyways that's all for now. I hope you enjoyed my story, and if you did hit that favorite button in the face. Comment below; who's your favorite Percy Jackson Blowfish character.


	66. Okay, I forgot something

Quora; Almost forgot

Big yikes, I forgot to tell you what happened with Ramsolangelo

It's quite simple, really. But also very weird.

When they got back to camp, Crysta, Nico and Will got talking.

"So what did Hermes do to you that made you pass out? Caduceus again?" Crysta asked.

"That thing is evil," Will commented.

Nico stopped.

"You've been gloomy all day. What happened?" Crysta asked.

"You both are a very important part of my life. Crysta taught me how to stop being a shadow prince and confess my former feelings. Will taught me how to be a little bit normal, with the usual annoyances along the way. But I can only choose one of you." Nico started. Then he knelt on one knee.

God. Told you this would be weird.

"Will you marry me, William Solace?" Nico asked.

Crysta was very, very close to passing out.

"As you wish, my ghost king," Will answered.

Now that's a big yikes. But it gets worse.

"And will you, Crysta Iris Briseis Ramzeres, be the mother of our children?" Nico asked.

"I've already told you, I ain't nobody's baby mama— but you're the ghost king, so fine." Crysta said.

Nico gave Will his Cat Noir ring and gave Crysta his skull ring. And it was technically official.

And a summary of what happened next.

Will and Nico got married by OMGWTF standards. They looked absolutely dashing in their matching tuxedos. Crysta was forced to wear a dress.

During this ceremony, after much pressure from Athena, Percy proposed to Annabeth. She accepted. And they threw another wedding party three months later.

But that did not mean Percy was completely faithful to Annabeth. Two weeks into their marriage, he visited Xeris. They both accidentally got drunk (this is why you should NEVER take water in Dionysus's mansion) and passed out on a couch.

Nico and Will, during summer, stayed in each other's cabins. Pretty much everything was fine until Nico busted a move and Crysta got into a— situation. Then everything went from fine to very fine.

As Lia said, Xeris became Dionysus's baby mama and had a girl; Quora†. Crysta had a son named Phaethon by Nico and a daughter by the name Anicel by Will.

And they lived pretty much okay ever after

Now that's it. I'm gonna be gone for a long time, like until the middle of the month long. But I'll be back with more fanfics. I'm writing one now. And it has a lot of songs and movie references.

Mirror mirror, on the wall,

Who's the baddest, of them all?

Welcome to my wicked world.

Wicked world.

† _For the record, that's not me._


End file.
